My plea to be me.

I am mine in my entirety.

I am completely mine, and such a beautiful thing to be. I do not need to please anybody. I do not need to keep anybody happy. I do not have to impress anybody. I can just be me, as I am, doing what I do, without feeling the compulsion to provide for anybody. And this is not selfishness, this is power. 

I want to be free. Completely alone with myself. Only then will I fully come to understand everything it is that I am, and what that means for me. I spent a lot of my life being in the arms of others, lovers, best friends, even at one point family. And since then, I have stripped myself of all of these things in a way.

I no longer have a best friend. I once held the word with such novelty, but now, I do not find it so valuable. I am my best friend. I am the one who has always been there for me, known all of my wounds, and have fought to love me, even against all of the odds. I think that it is rather sometimes very difficult for people like me, and people like us, to trust people. And this is not only because we have been bruised by people so much, but also because we carry extra sensory perception. We notice subtle influences, and signals in others that can alert us of their insincerity, and inauthenticity in a second! 

Now, we, empaths, healers, light workers, lone wolves, whatever you would like to call us, absolutely can not stand falsity! We are all about digging beyond multiple layers, within ourselves, and others, and finding truth. We are the eternal seekers. And let’s be honest, most of society, could not give a flying duck about the intricacies of the universe, or the human condition. 

So it may sound pretty lonely right? Well, at once yes, but now.. No. I am so strengthened! I don’t want to rely on anybody, neither do I want anybody to rely on me. My focus lies with My path, my mission, and my purpose. I have no time any longer to devise to dysfunctional family members, part time lovers, or fair weather friends. One day, I will find my soul group, hey my soul clan may only be one person, but I feel as if I am closer than ever, but I am not looking for them, I am not waiting for them, I know that they will come.

Until they do, I just want to be alone with myself, which I haven’t been for such a while. People say that you need things, friends, communities, for birthdays, and celebrations, but I struggle with this. I have put my faith in ‘people’ before, for birthdays, and have found myself gravely disappointed. 

I do not want to rely outside of myself for happiness, or for satisfaction, because then it is never guaranteed. We humans are naturally social creatures, but now I see so much more value in my being, And my self than I ever, ever have. I am pretty fantastic, to be fair, (if I do say so myself), and I understand how not everybody is worthy of my time, my immense care, or my talents, and attributes.

Blessed be ~ 

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Twin Flame, Karmic Attachment, and co-dependency? How not to get taken advantage of in love. 

  
Twin flames, and karmic attachments are both soul mirrors to us, in a sense. Both unions provide the opportunity for us to see any emotional/energetic blockages that have been stored within us, as well as useful, and not so useful patterns that we have developed from our parents, cultures, and societies.

Now of course twin flames are the ultimate mirror, and ultimate emphasiser of what goes on underneath, and what parts of us are destructive, and what need healing, but karmic attachments also attempt to point us in these directions toward wholeness, by typically mirroring back to us the worst kind of relationship that we could EVER imagine!

If you are caught in a karmic attachment, then you are fully aware that something does NOT feel right, and it never has. You frequently find yourself feel anxious, depressed, unworthy, and almost as if you have to constantly, and consistently earn your partners affections. When I myself was caught in a karmic attachment, I became even more mentally unwell than I already was. Days were spent crying over my loves lack of affection, and BLATENT lack of interest, and then I would switch in between messaging him excessively, and trying to pour my heart out to him, in order to gain some sort of sub par response – which I barely ever did.  

  
The point I want to make here is, none of this ever stopped me. None of the tears over being unappreciated, or his re-affirmation to me continuously that he did not want a relationship, and did not want to be committed to me, ever stopped me from running after him, continually expressing my love for him, and giving myself to him fully.

I did not care that he was not in love with me. As long as he gave me something that remotely resembled love. I did not care that he did not want a relationship. (As long as he occasionally fathomed interest, even if it was only of the sexual kind). I did not care that he would go hours, upon hours before responding to any of my messages, (though my intuition always told me that he had seen them before hand), as long as he eventually did reply. 

And sure enough, there I would be, phone in hand, waiting anxiously for his arrival, for a notification that he had actually remembered and acknowledged my existence. That was enough to satisfy my heart into thinking that I was relevant. 

This was possibly one of the worst forms of abuse that I had ever endured. And what made it so terrible? Was that it was self inflicted. I did not have to keep chasing after him. I did not have to keep allowing myself to be treated this way. At any time that I wanted to, I could have cut contact, told him that I wanted nothing more to do with him, and that I deserved better. But the key point here, is that I did not. 

Somewhere buried deep within me, perhaps not as deep as I thought, existed the belief that I was deserving of this kind of treatment. That I was deserving of minimal displays of love, and that I was worthy of being ignored, repeatedly. I know now that this is because I was not fully showing up as myself. So how could I ever expect that somebody else would show up for me? How could I expect to have somebody who was fully open, and available to me, when I was not even fully open and available to myself? I was avoiding myself, desperately. I was so in need of me, so in need of ‘fixing’, and I tried to avoid this responsibility, by passing it on to somebody else to follow. Somebody who, through no disrespect, was never the man for the job. 

  
So, why did I put up with so much of this unnecessary pain when it was as simple as getting up and leaving? Announcing that I deserved more, and then proceeding to go and actually find more? 

And the simplest answer? I absolutely loathed myself. Yes, I did. The way that I was treating myself, reflected the way that he had been treating me, and the way that I had once been treated in childhood, so this feeling was familiar, so I did not see too much need to fight it, nor rock the boat.

This was a man who was emotionally Unavailable, shut down, and unable to utter any words, or actions that mimicked commitment, or intimacy. Yet here I was, a hopeless romantic, with an expansive heart chakra, holding onto him with everything that I had, and refusing to go anywhere! Honestly, I was borderline obsessive, and I thought that this was love. I thought that the momentary high that I received when he showed me the slightest bit of recognition was worth all of the lows. I thought that it was happiness. And all because I was holding onto all of these patterns, inherited from generations before me, and all of these beliefs attached to low self esteem, and the attraction of pain.

  
Remember that thing that I said about mirrors? About how these types of unions show us the parts of ourselves that desire recognition? Well yes, I did not love myself, or appreciate myself, neither did I want to commit to myself, so I attracted this soul who manifested these very same issues. 

Now, this is the objective of karmic attachments. I like to view them as sort of, a curse, let me explain this. This does not mean to say that these types of unions are inherently bad, or evil, because if you view them in this way, then you will never heal or move on from them. 

A curse is something unpleasant that can remain trapped within somebody, or within a particular line of people, occurring over, and over again, in a loop, until it is broken. This is exactly what a karmic attachment is. The particular attachment that I am describing lasted just over 3 years, but trust me, I know people who have been stuck in these types of unions for 7+ years, they are THAT addictive, especially when you just cannot pry your eyes, and your mind to see beyond what is directly infront of you.

If only we could all look a little bit deeper into ourselves, if only, we would find the world existing only as we are, and then we would realise how to overcome our negative experiences, and use them for outward healing purposes.

What is co-dependency and anxious attachment style?

Co dependency and anxious attachment style in psychology, are the exact reasons that so many empaths, healers, or light workers, tend to experience so many karmic attachments throughout their lives, and many eventually, also the twin flame union. 

These are terms that describe the behaviours of somebody who is so fixated on attaining love, and feeling wanted, and needed, that they continuously neglect themselves. The behaviours that we associate with these terms are needy, clingy, obsessive, and draining. Though they may not mean to behave in these ways, these souls are so bruised, they are always searching for cues that their beloved will leave them, and will resort to extreme, and manipulative tactics to stop this from happening. 

Doesn’t sound much like a healer?

Do not forget all about the birth of a healer. Before a healer steps into their rightful position as a healer, they are practically injected with all of these pains, all of these emotional, energetic, and generational downloads, that they must transmute, and release. This is not an easy task, particularly for the healer who does not know that they are a healer, and is just trying to live a ‘normal’, and neat life. 

The abuse of self will continue in these unions, until the empath learns that this is not love, this is dysfunction, and the only way out, is in, within ones self. 

Twin flames, and the terrible tales.

Because of all of the false information depicted about twin flames on the internet, many people have adopted the belief that twin flame unions are these happy, hippy dippy perfect relationships, where everything runs smoothly, and perfectly. This is so far from the truth. Those of us who are actually apart of, or have experienced a twin flame Union, will know how difficult, confusing, and painful that this Union can be. 

This is the ULTIMATE mirror relationship, and every single drop of your emotional, mental, and spiritual baggage, will be dragged to the surface, and you will BOTH have to deal with them. 

For this reason, it is a misconception that the twin flame Union can be void of ill treatment. Yes, your twin flame can still be disrespectful, unappreciative, and inconsiderate towards you. Remember, that they are also now dealing with many life times of baggage, and unwanted realisations. This can make a person incredibly selfish, confused, and depressed. (However, there is always a line, and you should be able to decipher when, and whether somebody is being outwardly abusive. Abusive relationships are NOT to be confused with this dynamic).

And this does not mean that you have to take it, nor that you have to accept it, under the guise of ‘divine love’, divine love feels divine. And does not feel like neglect.

This is the main reason why I say that this Union is all about you, designed to heal you, and bring you back to you. This is to break the chain of co-dependent, and self defeating relationships that you have endured, not exhasperate them. Your twin flame arrived as a lesson to you, not to just see you doing all of the same things, that you have always done. Remember that concept of the curse that I was telling you about?

Work on yourself. Break this chain. Allow your twin/karmic attachment to work on themselves. You can still hold unconditional love for them in your heart, whilst believing in, and exercising your right for self love and self respect. 

Many healers, and intuitives dare not say this, but what the hell, I am a little ris-que, don’t you dare be afraid to date soul mates during the ‘separation stage’. Don’t you dare be afraid to live, to feel, to explore love… But don’t you dare forget to heal either! 

This was your great awakening, do not let it be your great death.

Blessed be, Cindy ~ 

© 2016 Seek Cindy.

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To contact me for any readings, including twin flame readings, email me via the email placed at the top. I use numerology, and intuition to determine if you truly are dealing with a twin flame connection. A mini calculation of both you, and your partner’s life path calculations, any themes and issues that this may present to your Union, and why – including a 1-10 question tarot reading.

  

Twin flame diary.

Today, is another one of those days that I wonder, why would the divine place such an amazing, unimaginable duo together, only to have them split apart at a later date. I wonder, what could all of this possibly mean? Why would my love forsake me, after he too experienced the same love parralell to none. I was with him, there. I saw, the love that resided in his eyes every time that we caught one another in a glance. I was there,  and I felt, every beat of the heart as it melted into mine. I felt the melodic tones, and vibrations in his voice, as it softened, and lowered, just for me. I was there, when the look of love, and loss, and concern, spread all over his face. And now I am here, pondering all of the things that were stolen from me, in such amazing grace.

I have dedicated my life to spirituality. It is all that I do, think and see, and I am so very thankful, do not get me wrong. Because without it? I would have given up a long time ago. I would probably not be here now, as the thought of taking my own life is something that I have toyed with, repeatedly. 

But then, spirituality gave me a way out, or rather, a way in. A way in to see and explore myself in new ways, that I had never looked at myself before. And it beckoned me to take a closer look into the inner workings of the world, and into the minds of others, also bringing me great release from my pain.

So now I find myself wondering how, and why, the same thing that I turned to for salvation, is the very same thing that has brought me so much pain – the loss of my twin. 

I know that loss brings gain, and I hear my heart tell myself all of the time, that this is the root to healing, and that these are only growing pains, but my, how they do pain.

How could I meet my perfect description of love? Everything that I have ever wanted, honoured, only to have him stripped ever so cruelly, and quickly from me, in the same ways that all of the others have fallen before. 

I ask for guidance, and the inner strength that lays within me to reign supreme, and maybe I ask for the ability to let go. Because I have stretched my little heart into feeling, and it has felt just about everything that it can endure, over these past faithful years, and more so in these few months.

I have spent this entire year confronting and facing my demons. Searching tirelessly for new ways to love me, to see me in newness, and to heal me, yet it seems, still a seed of sadness remains planted within me. 

And I know that I said that I would be strong for you, but my heart is calling, calling for you. And for the life of me, I do not know why you do not answer. 

Twin flame – week of clearing. 25th October-5th November. Numerological/astrological update. 

  
So what the hell is going on with twin flames everywhere this week? And why have we been dealing with these intense energies more than ever since the super moon? I thought we had ALREADY got through all of this? 

Now, these are probably all of the questions that have been popping up over this past few days for twin flames. Since the super moon, and the planets opposition to Chiron the wounded healer, all sorts of sticky, gooey, and buried emotions are rising to the surface. I did say that this was going to be a powerful time for healing the divine masculine, and the divine feminine, it just seems that when we tend to mention the word, ‘healing’, people automatically assumes that this means an absence of pain. In reality, this is SO far from the reality. In actual fact, true healing can not fully take place without first digging deeply within, and hurling underlying pains flying back at you. 

As we all know, full moons, super moons especially, and new moons are all synonymous with some sort of releasing, and cleansing ritual. This is why we will also find that the many cycles of the moon tend to sync with women’s menstrual cycles. Menstruation is also a period, (pardon my pun), for immense cleansing, detoxifying, and renewing of the body, and the systems. Well this is also exactly what the moon cycles offer us all. The opportunity for deep, penetrating cleansing. And as we had entered the watery, ever emotive sign of Scorpio, this emotional release was destined to be heavy, and destined to be DEEP.

Twin flames tend to carry a lot of heavy baggage with them, karmic debt, unresolved issues of the past, and energetic blockages relating to deeply entrenched childhood wounds. None of these patterns or structures were ever going to be broken easily, or quickly, and each pending moon cycle, and astrological arrangement gives us the opportunity to confront these issues, piece, by piece, especially since the opening of the lions gate on 8/8/8. 

The number 8 is a major twin flame number, as it represents eternity, and the overlapping cycles of the two circles, eternally conjoined. 

In this particular time, we are working with the very psychic zodiac Scorpio, so much of the pain that Twins will be experiencing is a combination of BOTH’s souls pain, as their psychic openings towards one another have been opened.

Many twins will even be experiencing dreams of the other twins inner most fears or anxieties surrounding them. Pay attention to dream symbolism, and how your twin may translate messages through your subconscious mind. Many twins will have noticed accelerated synchronicity and inner knowing also at this time.

Dreams of the past will also be no surprise, as so much healing work occurs in dreams, we may travel to particular moments in our lives, in order to heal the pains that were born there. 

We may also be dreaming of ex partners, karmic attachments, as we finally burn those energetic bridges that bind us, tearing us away from our twin, and ourselves. We will confront our deepest demons, gaining a greater understanding for our childhood selves. 

Significance of astrological dates.

25th. In numerology, the 25th, would translate to (2+5) = 7 – the number of the mind, introspection, contemplating.

Whilst the 5th represents change, overturn, freedom, and travel, so we hope to see a shift in perspective around this date.

Empaths; social anxiety, or energetic receptivity? 

 
Honestly? There is an element of both, but no, I do not fully buy into the theory of social anxiety, as far as the empath is concerned. Overcrowded spaces, and large group settings are typically overwhelming to the empath for two main reasons.

1. The empath can pick up on energy, this energy tends to become them, and they exhibit these emotions. Imagine the internal chaos of an empath who is surrounded by a large group of people? That is energy, emotion AND data overload, and let us not forget, empaths are very easily over stimulated. They already have so much going on in their psyche, the idea of dealing with left over residue from a host of strangers is almost unbearable. It is common for the empath after such intense socialising to return home with all of these alien feelings, that they probably have no idea how to deal with, as they do not belong to them. 

2. Let’s be honest here, the empath has had a very difficult life. They have probably come from a family with a lot of karmic debt, they have probably been picked on quite a bit for their reserved, and at times timid nature, and they have probably been victim to a few narcissists/sociopaths also. So of course, the empath (until they have fully healed), is probably absolutely terrified of being judged, and what’s worse than being judged by one person? Being judged be an entire group of people, simultaneously. 

So what can be done? Strip away the layers that echo to you that you must fear the world or fear their reactions. fear is a false product of the past. Understand that the future is all that exists. Allow it to exist as it does. Do not set pre – conceived notions or expectations about it. Just let it be.

Cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

To gain a deeper insight into the working world of the empath, and how to transform your own life as one, join my empath learning course here at, specially tailoring to empaths, and their healing.

scorpios energy, what’s the big emotional fuss all about? 

  
Okay guys, we are about to enter the fantastic zodiac of Scorpio, and I could NOT be anymore excited. I’m a little dramatic, but I am going to do my best to keep level headed here lol, and also, it means a lot to me to do my lovely scorpions some justice, and channel all of the information that I have personally witnessed, and perceived about Scorpio. All of this information was given to me through divine intuition, so you are very likely to see some things about Scorpio that you have never seen before. SO much is happening energetically at this time, and it is all because of our wonderful Scorpio zodiac sign, now let me give you a brief of what this Zodiac is all about.. Scorpio season is such a wonderful way to welcome the divine masculine back into the bosom of the divine feminine.. Such an emotional sign (water sign)! Scorpio is all about intuition, they have a thriving inside world which sometimes renders them reserved, contemplative and withdrawn. Scorpio is the feeler, they feel everything, but they are also aware that others do not have access to their world view, causing isolation. Many scorpios exist with the concerns of not being good enough, which is such a huge contradiction.. Let me tell you why. The only reason scorpions grow so frustrated with themselves, is because they are also aware that they have some extraordinary abilities, (which they REALLY do – woah). This sign is all about psychic ability, and channeling information from higher planes of existence, so this is the perfect time to tap into divine power! It is their reluctance to put these abilities into practice (because of fear of failing, fear of not being enough), that sabotage them. The Scorpio is very sensual, people tend to view them as quite magnetic, and they possess a high level of sexual energy, which is the perfect template for kundalini rising to take place, such power in these beings, and it is all reflected in their intense eyes. I have a feeling, THIS is the year the Scorpio will unlock all the magic that they possess – and this really is magic. It is all about transformation, the alchemical process, turning dark energy, into light energy. #spiritual #scorpio #starsign

Twin flame poetry ~

   
“And she’s just being a good friend, and doing what a good friend does. And a confidant. Because no matter what we want, or what we may say, and the end of the day, this love looks crazy, silly. Unapproachable to anybody who may see. And perhaps I have drawn the fool card, and I am the one who cannot see, and I am trapped in a fallacy, of broken dreams and fantasies, treachery. That is the name of game, they will blame and shame us, should they name us, shameless, shapeless lovers. But we not like the others, yes maybe undercover, but not under covers. I’ll tell you what such we are, midnight lovers, but not by the hour. Time stalls, stands still, and I get a glimpse of your spirit, and u quiver, and I quill, and I will take this last dance with you, forever, into the oblivion.”

Divine scripture. 

“‘On the dangers of seeking external advice about your sacred union’. The twin flame Union can not, and I repeat NOT be understood by third parties or fit the typical 3D models that relationships do. This means that it is extremely pointless and even dangerous to seek external advice or speculation about this type of Union from friends or family, as they will probably advise you to move on, and find a more suitable or stable type of relationship. Remember that this Union has absolutely everything to do with self! Self work, self introspection, self love, and self healing. Upon seeking others for advice regarding this type of Union they are likely to attempt to convince you of its invalidity, in other words do not expect their compliance or understanding. This relationship is unlike any usual relationships and this is because it has the goal of challenging existing notions and perceptions of love. To the outside world, the structure may seem simply ridiculous, absurd, and in many cases immoral. Figuring this out is all for you! All about you! All about you! It is about learning to trust yourself, your intuition and your better judgement, and through that, trusting the God in you. Reconnecting with source.”

Cinderella Anneh-bu 

#poetry #poems #spiritual #twinflames #writer