Twin Flame Diary – The imperfect accounts of a love amputee. 

Today was a day much like the rest. Things stood still, nothing stirred much, no new glories were particularly found, and still, one thing remained etched into my mind. I have my days, my happier days, when the only thing that rings true is the love that you hold for me, and I for you, and that is enough to keep me submerged in a bubble of ecstasy for the remainder of the day, no matter what may come to me. Then there are the other days, sometimes sparked by awakening from a dream of you, a dream where you were so close, yet remained so far. And I never thought that my heart could hear this much, or travel this far for love,  I once thought that love was about consistency, and predictability, and close proximity, and you taught me differently. I have not seen your sweet, gentle face for so long, I have not heard your rhythmatic voicefor  even longer, yet still, I love you, just as if it was the first time. The longer that I am without you, the more that my ego (little self) emerges, and I become filled with thoughts of doubt. Old things come creeping back up, the old demons I sought through childhood, insecurity, inferiority, and abandonment, and I am almost sure that you left me because I am not good enough. And those are the toughest days, because they re-affirm all of my worst fears, and I just do not know whether to believe in them. Deep down, (not too deeply), my heart chakra is very much still aware of our connection, and holds a space for you, but with no connection whatsoever, outside of those walls, it is often difficult to know if I am the only one still holding this space. I have had issues of letting love go in the past. Co-dependency issues echo in my mind, but nothing of this kind. If you were anyone else, I would have cut your name from my throat, long ago, and buried you in the sand. Some people tell me that I am lovely, that I am good, very good, and good enough, and at times I believe them, and so I wonder, do you see it too? I have had men in the past promise me love, and sincerity, and I think that they left soon after they saw the worst in me, and I never knew, I was never sure, whether their love was pure, or merely in pursuit of the physical, so now I have built these walls. Somebody else said once that sweet words were enough to sweep me off my feet, and they said it so maliciously, but I do not understand, where is the bravery in trickery? What is there to celebrate about a girl who only wanted love? So much so, she sought to find it in the words of a persistent man. And i do not understand the world, or its attempts to shame me in love, yet I wonder, I wonder, if it weren’t for the hurt that I collected, would I still doubt your knowledge of me? Of our divinity? I miss you at 5am, and I think of these things.                     

             Day 2. –                                                Today, I am not flooded with a bridge of thoughts that lead to you, in the same sense. I feel no compulsion to reach out to you, because I feel that you are fully within my reach, as you have always been. Today, I am at peace. You are at my feet, and I do not know why I just cannot seem to see it some days. I saw your smile today, in my mind, and I was immediately flooded with your scent, a scent that has always been familiar. I wish you peace, and nothing but, yet still in the crevice of my loins, I feel that you are unhappy, partial to the frequent confusion, and anxiously anticipating fatal conclusions. I know how hard it is for you to express love, and truthful emotion, so I wear the burden for you. And as a consequence, my heart chakra has been aflame for many days. When I am depressed, I know that it is both of our energies that I am expelling, and I do not mourn from doing the work for you, I mourn because you have not the means to do it for yourself. But long ago, we promised that where you are weak, or I am weak, the other will offer a hand that speaks, for we are two sides to the same cheek, two pavements laying parralel, yet feet by feet. I have learned that love is a thing discrete, and whilst I yearn for a love that is complete, tonight I realise that it is in me, I am the very thing that I seek. There is no fabric difference, from you, from me, so I will love you, through me.                  #poetry #poems #diaryentry  #twinflames #writer #writing –  My twin flame book will be available and out for purchase in November,  
 includes full twin flame science, break down of individual, and complete journeys, and twin flame inspired poetry, all written by me. 

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