Internal bleeding..

  

Lately, my mind has been racing with so many things.

Who am I?

Who am I to become?

Was I always this deep?

What is the meaning of all of this?

Is this even real life?

Why am I stuck inside of my own mind all of the time?

Why do I care so much about societal injustice?

Why do I care so much about men, and women, and the things that they do?

Why do I have so many emotions, and why are they so intense?

Why is my nervous system so, nervous?

Why am I so nervous?

Why am I so anxious?

What’s going to happen in the future?

Who will stand the test of time with me?

And I don’t know any of the answers to any of these questions, and I cannot even begin to know.

I have been spending so much time alone lately, for the past few months actually, and it has been most strange. Sort of like living in limbo. I have received many spiritual insights since then, which have helped me broaden my views, and my knowledge of things.. But I have also dug so deeply into the human psyche, that I think that I am abnormal now.

None of the people around me understand me, or what goes on in my mind. I try to explain it to them, and for the most part they are sympathetic, but when I look deeply into their eyes, or listen to the uncertainty in their voice, I know that they do not truly, or fully understand me.

And can I blame them?

I mean what the hell is even going on with me..

I know I’m weird, and I push everyone away, and I prefer to be in this strange little cocoon by myself, doing strange things, but hey.. I am still a human, and I need human things.

The whole world forgot I still exist.
Now, I am off to do some more strange things..

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3 thoughts on “Internal bleeding..

  1. What is it with you? Everytime I read one of your blogs and think wow, you out do you yourself with another one! I love this. Very deep and engaging. It’s almost like your talking about me. I’m sure others feel the same. Beautiful writing. Thank you.

  2. I’ve enjoyed reading your posts. Esotericism and hidden knowledge has recently started to fascinate me although I’ve always been dissatisfied with what mainstream society has to offer. It’s a pleasure to read and judging by other replies were not the only ones. Peace x x

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