All of my life, something was ‘wrong’ with me.

  
“All of my life, something was, ‘wrong with me’.. An obsession with men who seemed interested only for a short while, and then once they had the full extent of my love, they would withdraw, and slowly want less, and less to do with me.
I have spent the ‘best’ years of my life heart broken, pining over those who evidently do not love me, and wondering why they did not..
I have never been the girl who is able to get over love loss in a few months or so, I will carry the sentiments of relationships with me, years after they have dissolved. and can you blame me? Such an empath thing to do!
My heart has eternally been broken, in-fact, there are only ever small window opportunities when it has not been broken. When I have successfully endured a period of healing, or, just when I have met somebody, ‘new’, just before they too follow the same root.
Agony, was the name of the game.
Because when I fall in love, I fall hard, and I take the entire universe with me. I fall head over heels, and I rarely leave any parts of my self untouched. Some may say that I am possessed by love, and I think that I am. Because there is no other way to describe it.
It becomes me, and I become it. And I become fixated on a hurdle of serotonin, and dopamine, and oxytocin, and suddenly I cannot breathe..
And perhaps, neither can they.
My ex told me once that I was faulty, that I would push people away, and then pretend that they had hurt me.
I didn’t know what he meant..
But anyway, he was, ‘faulty’ too. A clinical sociopath – so who’s to say, who was right, and who was wrong?
All I know is, I have been so hurt, so bruised, and so dragged through the mud. And my heart is wearier than it has ever been. I do not know if I can go on being the lover that I am.
I am the place where love goes to die..
And all I want is a vacation from myself.
I whisper in the night, ‘why am I not good enough? For him? Him? And him too?’”

Cinderella Anneh-bu – (via spiritualpoet) 

  
© 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

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spiritualpoet

From a very early age, it was clear to see that my path was one paved with difference. Inspiration, intuition, and imagination gripped me long before I could find my feet. I walk the life path of 7, so I am irreversibly bound to the realm of mysticism, spiritualism, and esotericism. I do not belong to this world, for I am a 'tween', always in between worlds. I am the commander of serpents, belonging to the glorious, and forbidden 13th zodiac of ophiuchus. Hidden in secrecy, to one day return as the divine feminine awakens. Love, is my speciality, and has governed my existence. I now use a combination of intuition, natural healing ability, astrology, psychology, sociology, and numerology to bring clarity, healing, and understanding to all. With the energy of ophiuchus running through me, I could never turn away from the path of healing, nor teaching. Not only does ophiuchus represent healing, but also the crevices of the dark shadows that we must crawl through to find our path to healing, in other words, the shamanic process of death, and re-birth, which has pretty much been the summation of my existence thus far. Long gone are my days of depression, I have re-claimed my divinity, and I desire nothing more than to help you to also claim yours. Not only the seeker, I am also the lover. Part of the many trials that I have endured upon this empathic journey, are that of heart break, and abandonment consciousness. For this reason, I have become an advocate for healthy loving relationships, and the harmony between the two sexes. This has taken me on a deep quest, to uncover ancient old secrets, and deeply entrenched beliefs, about man, about woman, and what this reads about where we are to. My eternal life drive and motto revolves around this simple theory, 'Where there is an outcome, there has existed a cause'. My particular areas of interest and expertise lie with sociology, psychology, spiritualism, philosophy, and literary, and creative writing. As I have a deeply intense desire to both serve, and aid humanity, I have naturally been drawn toward topics that have provided me with a more in depth account of societal behaviour, and as it stands, human kind. My roots are as deeply rooted as they can be, stemming from Ghanaian parents, who were raised, and both skilled in the art, and knowledge of superstition, and divination wisdom, it is no surprise that the blood flowing through my veins compels me to do such work, so relentlessly. Unlike other bloggers, this work featured here is not a mere hobby, it is more than just my livelihood, it is the calling of which i cannot ignore. Another prominent focus of mine, is mental illness. Not comfortable, nor fully sold with the western idealisms of the implications of such, i seek research, personal experience, and observation to prove, that many mental illnesses hold spiritual connotation, particularly as the mind is an avid translator of spiritual energies. Follow me on this journey as i discover myself, retrace my roots, fall deeply in love with my heritage, and finally accept my awkward, unorthodox societal position. To book one of my services, and allow me to guide you back to the soul, email me via cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk I offer dream interpretation, tarot reading, therapy, numerology readings, and see through the eyes of the lover.. To contact me across all of my platforms, follow me on instagram to keep up with my latest quotes, and mystically inclined photography @spiritualpoetess_ To keep up with my snappy, sassy, and spiritually laced motivational tweets, find me on twitter @spiritualpoet_ Facebook like page https://www.facebook.com/Twinflameandshamanchronicles

3 thoughts on “All of my life, something was ‘wrong’ with me.”

  1. This is an amazing post… Thank you for this. Check out my page if you’d like. My mission is do address the silent epidemic of self harm and depression. Thanks!

    Absolutely beautiful

  2. You are perfect as you are. I feel intuitively that this happens because you carry the divine AWAKENED feminine and not every woman does…..you are love, incarnate….love is supposed to possess people….we are supposed to become love…its why we are here………but this scares the shit out of the vast majority of men…..like abused animals who just cannt deal with love because they are so so so soooo broken…….including the sociopaths that get attracted to us because subconsciously they need what we have the MOST….yet are also the least capable of like, actually receiving it…there is nothing wrong w u…its this broken love starved world……ur ability to BE love is why you can change the world and are the healer and star that you are…..
    love to you ❤

    1. I needed this message more than anything in this hemisphere, thank you so very much! And you summed it up in the most brilliant of ways! For so long, I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.. Embodying divine feminine energy is definitely not an easy ride.. And hasn’t been easy at all where I live to cultivate! But as they say, this journey is only for the brave, MUCH love to you!! Xxx

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