All of my life, something was ‘wrong’ with me.

  
“All of my life, something was, ‘wrong with me’.. An obsession with men who seemed interested only for a short while, and then once they had the full extent of my love, they would withdraw, and slowly want less, and less to do with me.
I have spent the ‘best’ years of my life heart broken, pining over those who evidently do not love me, and wondering why they did not..
I have never been the girl who is able to get over love loss in a few months or so, I will carry the sentiments of relationships with me, years after they have dissolved. and can you blame me? Such an empath thing to do!
My heart has eternally been broken, in-fact, there are only ever small window opportunities when it has not been broken. When I have successfully endured a period of healing, or, just when I have met somebody, ‘new’, just before they too follow the same root.
Agony, was the name of the game.
Because when I fall in love, I fall hard, and I take the entire universe with me. I fall head over heels, and I rarely leave any parts of my self untouched. Some may say that I am possessed by love, and I think that I am. Because there is no other way to describe it.
It becomes me, and I become it. And I become fixated on a hurdle of serotonin, and dopamine, and oxytocin, and suddenly I cannot breathe..
And perhaps, neither can they.
My ex told me once that I was faulty, that I would push people away, and then pretend that they had hurt me.
I didn’t know what he meant..
But anyway, he was, ‘faulty’ too. A clinical sociopath – so who’s to say, who was right, and who was wrong?
All I know is, I have been so hurt, so bruised, and so dragged through the mud. And my heart is wearier than it has ever been. I do not know if I can go on being the lover that I am.
I am the place where love goes to die..
And all I want is a vacation from myself.
I whisper in the night, ‘why am I not good enough? For him? Him? And him too?’”

Cinderella Anneh-bu – (via spiritualpoet) 

  
© 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

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Intuitive reading, life path reading, and tarot reading – combo.

  
[names in all readings are altered to protect customer confidentiality]

Your life path -My love, just like me, you are the life path of 7. This is a wonderful life path to own, and is often referred to in numerology as the most spiritual number. This is the root of all of your psychic abilities, and talents, the number 7 is the eternal channel, and you are always receiving bits of data, that you can easily string together to make sense of things. This gives you a keen eye for business details, and marketable solutions, that may not come so easily to the average, untrained eye.
For this reason, I believe that the goal of your destiny is tied into leading, and coaching others to also meet their own destiny, and business targets. You have huge inspirational and motivational energy, and with a strong head on your shoulders, any business venture that you take should surely succeed. You are definitely on the right track, but your business could do with some feminine aspects also! What do I mean by this? Well femininity is associated with creativity, and natural free flowing spiritual energy.

Whilst your work is fantastic, and very creatively constructed, you are still blocking off parts of your spiritual and channeling energy, and opening up to these will provide you with some new, much needed business strategy on how to market yourself as a, ‘niche brand’.

You have all of the tools that you need, all of the ideas that you require, and all of the drive to succeed, but much of that drive is based upon masculine principles, ‘power, domination, and logic’.

Your goal is to harmonise more feminine energies into your work. Try to think outside of the box. Do not be afraid to take creative risks.
I sense that your family had a strong, almost oppressive influence over the way that you view the world, and yourself. For this reason, it is very important for you to break free, (more mentally than anything), and allow yourself the freedom you never had to see the vibrancy, and colourfulness of the world.
You have great knowledge, and great insight, but in many ways you also have not seen enough of the world, because you have not fully allowed yourself to do so. It is okay now to open your mind to new experiences, and tenderness, and create a new vision for yourself.
The life path number 7 is driven by their desire to explore the deeper meanings in life, and this is why you will find yourself Unsatisfied by the mundane routine of life. You seem to fit in just fine, to everyone else, you may also function very well among conventional society, but at the back of your mind, you demand to explore great mystery.

I must tell you that it is your destiny, to explore and know this mystery. As it has followed you for all of your life.

Do not turn your back to it.

Are you worried about maintaining a metaphysical path, and still clinging to your connection with Jesus? Well, do not be. Jesus, and metaphysics go hand in hand. You do NOT have to choose one over the other. Despite what you may have previously been learnt, or been told.
Remember now, we are focusing on you constructing an entire world vision. A more broad one, and you are very much opening up to some of the things that you feared before hand.

You have always felt a special connection to Jesus, and felt protected by him, and you do not have to neglect this on the journey to your path.
Tarot reading – 

1. What can I do to improve my relationship with Rowan?

Queen of wands. + knight of pentacles.

The queen of wands represents a woman who is ahead of her game. She is fulfilled, satisfied, emotionally, financially, mentally, and spiritually. She strikes one as a woman who is self actualised, and has fully found herself. 

You have come very far in stepping into your souls truth, and your life’s divine purpose, but there are still blockages to your energy field, that is protecting you from receiving vital information, and viral opportunity for expansion. Do not grow deterred by fear.. You can always push forward. I know in many ways you may feel like you have always had to be strong, but allowing yourself to be emotional, is allowing yourself to be free flowing.

The blockages that you hold, also represent the spiritual, and emotional blockages that he holds.

You need to develop greater patience, he needs to develop greater action. 
The knight of pentacles is all about this action. Though you may do your part in cultivating a more harmonious relationship, it is also very much in his hands, to also take heed to the spiritual messages being translated to him. Though twins mirror one another, your progress will not make up for his lack of understanding, if he chooses to reject what is required of him.

Perhaps timid in nature, he is one for procrastination, and may be slower than others to get on the ball! Even though he knows what is right, lack of self belief and faith will hold him back from being his true self. His inauthenticity only causes you greater patience.
2. How do I cultivate my spiritual gifts without encountering people/entities who want to manipulate them for evil gain?

The high priestess + temperance.

Both of these cards are extremely spiritual cards! Whilst the high priestess represents a woman at the height of her spiritual maturity, temperance represents spiritual endurance, and the trials that we sometimes have to overcome and endure, in order to be spiritually blessed.

My dear, these cards are representing the things that you and I both knew within. This spiritual path comes with trials, great trials, and those of divine light are natural energy sources for those in the darkness to feed from. We fuel them. Not only do we fuel them, but we also allow them to offload some of their darkness onto us, to create the ‘illusion’ of lightness for them. Which is what you must remember. Whilst their lightness is only an illusion of a fraction of you, your light energy is ACTUALLY light energy, and is more potent than anything that you may come against. The most high has blessed you with immense mental strength, and little fear in regards to taking action. Use this to move forward with your spiritual gifts. Do not allow the darkness to bring you fear. Jesus knew the implications of his spreading of the word, yet he continued to do so anyway.

Your aura is more protected than you think. Just ensure to regularly recharge amongst nature, and spending valuable hours with yourself a day, and you will be fine, I promise.
3. Is Owen mad at me?

Strength + seven of wands.

I do not believe that Owen is mad at you, though you believing that he might be is one of the blockages related to your twin flame Union. You have spent much time

Pining over the past and the things that have happened, and it is now time for you to let go. Many people may seem to hold grudges or be stuck on things according to our memories of events, but it requires great strength and effort to remain bitter – which he does not have.

The seven of wands represents wrapping up the past, and facing a monumental moment in your life where everything is changing. During times of great change, when we feel uncertain we tend to cling to the past, and notions of the past, because they feel so very comfortable and safe, but once again, this is a false sense of safety.
4. Will my parents ever come to a place of healing?

Your parents will definitely begin to heal more as you heal, as part of an empaths journey is all about clearing the karmic field for their generational line, however, at times, this healing, may not always look so, ‘healing’. A great part of healing is all of the wounds and trauma from the past rising to the surface. This is why the twin flame

Separation stage felt so excruciating, it is because that is when our healing truly began.

For your parents, I sense a lot of karmic damage and pain, especially on the maternal side, and this will take some time to heal. Your mother appears to me an incredibly strong woman though, although she has a story, and her strength will be her pillar, she too has had to be stronger than her means. Your parents have strong faith, and there is a very spiritual light that has always existed within your family. Even whilst they take longer to heal, their lessons and memories are not in vain, as their passions live through you.
Finally, in order to maintain a continuous flow and abundance with money, like I mentioned, you must be willing to step out of your comfort zone. You are not even using half of your gifts to achieve the things that you can, and this is because you are fearful of the outside perception if you were to suddenly begin. This is normal, and is called persecution consciousness, and plagues most true healers. After Jesus Christ, and the persecution of women who held the ancient knowledge of healing, a collective fear to be present with our gifts was born into our consciousness. As we are old souls, we carry some of this imprinting with us.

Do not be fearful to expand into esotericism. Aside from that, you are doing a fantastic job! Your work on earth is to help, heal, and guide others, and then sooner you step into that role the better!

You mentioned being more clairvoyant than clairsentient, but deep within you I do sense a raging empathy urging to burst free! Must be that Scorpio energy, make friends with it.. Become familiar with it. These empathic gifts will help you to attune to exactly what it is that your clients require!
© 2015
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
To book your own reading –

  

Hook up culture, sacred sensuality(sexuality), tantric sex, and womb healing.

 

The ‘marriage culture’ that we have come to know from our parents generation of failed partnerships, & no intimacy, is what was destructive. We know better now. We no longer have to marry out of cultural necessity, we actually get to CHOOSE now. That in itself is beautiful.. 
Hook up culture is the result of a psychologically afflicted generation, too bruised by the degradation of relationship values they’ve seen. We no longer honour the sanctity of union-ship. From music, to television, the marriage template is portrayed as stagnant, and Un-enjoyable. No sanctity of union ship, no desire to build a strong family unit = broken communities, weaker social ties & understanding of relationship (dynamics). We are heading toward a culture of several,’baby mothers’, and ‘baby fathers’, with no family bonds, nor community practice. The fact that people come on Twitter and even make jokes/ memes, out of having, ‘side chicks, and ‘side guys’ is proof of desensitisation. 

The holy trinity, mother + father + [=]child, (masculine and feminine energies combining to the highest essence of creation).. That’s love.

 
If people believed they would genuinely be loved, respected, and received if they entered a partnership, there would be no ‘hook up culture’

Yes, (we) humanity may be collectively moving toward new ideals. But not ALL of these are progressive. Some are still born of trauma.

A generation that largely witnessed the break down of their parents marriages, (their mother’s lack of expression+ their fathers lack of enthusiasm), are inevitably going to view partnership with contempt, and something signifying entrapment, and passive acceptance. 

   
 The only true reason, you’ll want to be having sex with others without building emotional bonds, is because you are fearful of such intimacy. In your humble opinion, it is far easier to, ‘mimic’ this form of closeness, as naturally, all humans require some level of social bonding. Sex, for many, is as close as it gets to love.
If you study sacred sexuality, you would know there can be no separation from intimacy, love and sex.

  
It has only become so, since those in power realised the manifestation power behind such sexual cultivation.. 

Keep people focused on the primal aspects of sex, and they remain trapped in ego consciousness.
You know you can actually cause trauma to a woman’s womb, and psyche, under the guise of a ‘one night stand?’ Men awaken a portal within a woman after sexual intimacy. To then close that portal, or deny responsibility for all that awakens with it, is to prematurely stunt her energy formation. It causes trauma because it reduces her to her sexual organs, in terms of validity. 
Women, and men experience sex a little differently.. Aside from tantric sex, and twin flame sex, that awakens awareness in both partners, generally, the process of sex is more physical for men, (unless they practice sacred sensuality), and the process for women, is largely emotional. During sex, a woman’s heart centre may be activated through stimulation of her breasts, (the heart centre/chakra sits right Inbetween), or through stimuli-station of the womb, which is thought to also ignite feelings of either safety/protection, or fear, and attack. It is not surprise that the womb is associated with feelings of love and comfort – this is the very place that houses in-coming souls.

  [it should also be noted that this symbol is a universal symbol of healing ]

The goal in tantric sex, is to allow both partners to transform their sexual energy, into creative, godly energy, (love). Through the pro-longing of the orgasm, the man trains himself to maintain this momentary glimpse of heaven, by involving not only his lower chakras, but moving from the lower centre, to the higher centres, therefore igniting kundalini awakening. – just think of the snake spiralling up the chakra system, making its way through to the top.

This process begins quite naturally in women after intercourse.. (Well, at least it tries to).
Woman, by nature is accustom to being nurturing and receptive. To making a home out of all she is given. 

You cannot stir this process within her, and then force her to dismantle the alchemical transformation whilst it is in progress..

Biologically, at this point, she is awakening, (the true purpose of sex). Abandoning her afterward is equivalent to awakening a sleeping child,only to offer them a sleeping pill whilst they are finally adjusting to being awakened. The confusion of the natural process is damaging.

When you enter a woman, she has surrendered to you.. In turn, you owe her a duty, of succumbing to whatever arises within her.. Because at that point, it is an accumulation of both of your energies. She is experiencing not only her awakening, but stirring yours.

Her behaviour afterward will shine a light on all that you are. If she begins to act fearful, she is responding to a place of fear within you both. If she grows more loving and playful, she is reflecting this nature within yourself.. Listen and take heed.

Abstinence, and a prolonged period of celibacy is a good cure for women who have, in the past given their sexual power away in anyway. Sexual power can be given (taken)away in a magnitude of ways. People pleasers who use sex as a means to validate their desirability, are but one way sexual power may be given. In this case, the abuse is self inflicted, though very much as potent in its damaging effects. 

In this absence, the woman should spend time honouring her womb, (rituals to celebrate moon cycles, and womb cycles), and learn of its divinity.

The self cleansing mechanisms of the vagina, will take care of the rest. Largely, it is a mental game of re-introducing harmony.

There are also forms of visualisation meditation that can see you through retrieving parts of your soul that were lost..

   
 Poetry by me,

‘We are the generation who forgot how to love’.

“We are the generation who forgot how to love.
So we bury our emotions beneath rocks.
So we build these walls, and we say that they keep out our deepest fears, but really, they just deprive us of the kind of love that our soul wants.
Maybe it was Disney films and it’s false depictions of love, that set our standards far too high, far too unrealistic, and far too unattainable.
Maybe, we were the generation who saw the deterioration of our parents marriages, some born out of cultural necessity, others frivolous victims to the arrival of the 60’s, where love was ‘free’, and begun to shun monogamy. 
Many of us are the parents of immigrants from distant lands, that know no romance. 

We are the generation who grew up in an era of social media, the world available at our finger tips, love filled words exchanged over screens, by ferocious finger tips. How could love ever cease to exist?

It hasn’t,

But nowadays, it is almost a fools wish.”

Cinderella Anneh-bu

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https://www.facebook.com/Twinflameandshamanchronicles/ © 2015
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

The fallacy of, ‘positive thinking’.

  

  
‘The fallacy of positive thinking’, is just THAT. A fallacy. You think that living a happy life, and changing your entire belief pattern system, is as simple as simply, ‘thinking positive?’ Hah, my friend, if you believe this, then you have clearly never suffered from depression, or any other type of debilitating mood disorder.
Telling somebody to simply think positive, when they have absolutely not an inch of hope running through their bones, is likely to cause them further trauma, and frustration, as their efforts, continuously try, and fail. This is asking somebody to adopt falsity, which feels even more painful, and uncomfortable, particularly to the empath.
Somebody who has a mood disorder, or is chemically imbalanced, possesses a mind that lacks some of the vital ingredients for a revitalised world vision, and positive thought stream. Such as irregularity of serotonin, and oxytocin production. 
Positive thinking’ alone, will not change their make-up. The only thing that will, is positive action.

When you are chemically imbalanced, it is more than likely your brain was forced into harsh development by traumatic external circumstances, such as an abusive home, or deprived family life. This is not something that you can brush under carpets, or sweep away neatly under the guise of, ‘positive thinking’.
It is the way in which your mind is constructed that seeks change. Not the things within your mind..

So, how do you do it? How do you change the make-up of your mind? Well, this requires a few things – one being conscious effort..
You must begin realistically, which positivity does not always provide room for. Thoughts such as, ‘ I am happy today’, may be replaced with, ‘today I am alive, and I am well, therefore, I have the opportunity to create a better day than yesterday’.. This is not false-hood. Rather than stating that one is happy, when one is not, one states that their current condition is stable, but they recognise that it can indeed improve throughout the duration of the day, offering both possibility, and flexibility.
Denying your emotions in search of feigned, ‘positivity’, is a disastrously ineffective new age concept, and puts many off the path of spirituality altogether.
© 2015
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
  
  

The shadow self, soul retrieval, the divine feminine – healing, not ‘taming’, and twin flame lessons.

Now, I am going to be honest with you guys, very honest with you guys, because I feel that I have to be. Because, you show me so much love for my work, and I put so much love into my work, and I feel that it is owed, mutually.

Those of you who keep up with my regular work, will have known that I have been a, ‘twin flame specialist’, in the past, and that recently, I have not posted any work on twin flames.

There is a reason for this. I went through this period, (a few weeks), after my birthday of intense disbelief in the entire twin flame Union, and process, and began to become quite disdainful of all of the features, promises, contrasting information, and sufferings in opinion. Ofcourse, like all, this disbelief, and disregard, came from the ego, and the fear that I was feeling about not being loved, or wanted, and how my, ‘twin flame’ reflected all of this. Nothing seemed to make sense, and all I kept coming across were people who would tell me the most devastating stories about their twin flames, and I began to wonder how something so divine could cause such pain. 

This is when I took a step back. I started analysing everything for what it truly was, typical life path 7. I experienced something phenomenal, and life changing within my Union, and looking back at my life, since I connected with him, there is no doubt in my mind, that his arrival was a spiritual awakening.

So, how could I answer for all of the others, who I began to suspect were just dealing with karmic attachments, or abusive relationships? All I could sense from them was desperation, and pain.  And divine love has nothing to do with that. 

This is where I came to my new, final conclusion. To scrap the term, ‘twin flame’ altogether. Because this blanket term guarantees some sort of standardised path way, beliefs, and experiences that are shared amongst twin flames. This, ‘template’ also just so happens to also mirror that of an abusive, or emotionally stunted relationship. 

I experienced divine love. A sacred union. And that was it. That is all that I need to know. I do not need to necessarily label it, because then I am placing my experience in comparison with that of others, and basing my expectancy on attachment to this theory.

For the purposes of this article, and perhaps a few others, I will narrowly mention this term, here and there, as it is widely recognised, and relatable, but in my book, and for future reference, I will refer to this as, ‘the sacred union’. As I feel that the name, ‘twin flame’, has become a commodity, a fallacy almost.

However, in recognising this, there are still a few key features, that relate to, ‘divine love’, or, ‘a sacred Union’. 

One of these are, the balancing, and harmonising of emotional, and energetic templates. That is what this article will focus on.

I hope that you enjoy it..

– Seek Cindy.

  
Allowing the sacred feminine, a place to be safe, is the most loving thing that another can do for her, but first, it is the most loving thing that she can do for herself.
Despite what television dramatisation, and popular culture alike has taught us, women are in no way one dimensional. We are not either pretty, cute, and quirky, or bitchy, difficult, and slutty. Actually, woman is a mirage rather of all of these things – pretty exciting is it not?
Well, not to traditional values that wish to keep women tightly under wraps, under surveillance, and under control. For, how do you control the woman that is wild? How do you tame her if her moods are so explosive, and spontaneous that you cannot first anticipate them? You cannot. And that is the essence of the divine mother. Like nature, like the universe, she is unpredictable. Her emotions, come and go, as they please, like crashing waves heeding to the moons calls for rhythm.

Neither can she be destroyed, like lakes that run smoothly down to the river Nile.
The problem is, most men of this generation have been taught to be quite passive. Quite burdened, and quite fragile when dealing with all it is that the divine feminine has to offer. ‘She must be sweet. And loving. And doting. And otherwise in attendance to me, or I do not know how to handle her’.
I, myself, am a woman much like a volcano. I am a spiritual channel, and an empath, so ofcourse, I can so easily flow from one extreme to the other. Flexibility is my nature, fluid – much like the ocean.

And God forbid, I detect a hint of withdrawal, or abandonment, my fears will bubble to the surface, and spill over like hot lava, and everything, and everyone in its way will be burned.
But when I am a lover – when I am being loved, when I am perfectly in tune with the divinity of my lover, as he is with me, the passion that I unveil, and the protection that I bless us both with is second to none, rarely ever seen in plain existence.
So, what is a mere mortal man to do? Turn me away? Because my shadow self is a little too shadow’ey? Well, the twin flame Union is designated apparently to cause one to identify with their shadow self, and work on re-integrating their dark self, with their light self, effectively healing all previous wounding. 

  
From my knowledge, it does not speak on ridding the self of the shadow self entirely, or pretending that it does not exist.

Can the shadow self know unconditional love? Why, ofcourse it can.. It is the inner child, and truly that is all it wants,

The goal is to identify which triggers set off which emotions within your shadow self, and what you can do to give love, and attention, to the thoughts, memories, and experiences around this trigger. This is similar to the shamanic journey of soul retrieval.
However, much like with the shaman, the discovery of his darkness is not a foe, but instead an ally.. Signifying the depths from which he/she has travelled to locate their wisdom, and also giving them great insight into all levels of knowing, and feeling on this plane.

Let us also look at the wounded healer template.. The wounded healer never ACTUALLY becomes fully healed themselves. They may have found ways to cope with their pain, and still live a fruitful, and purposeful existence, but it is the memory of their pain, and their triggering of such pain when healing others, that allows them to know exactly what the afflicted needs. Why, they simply travel to a place within their own mind, where they were once afflicted, and treat another, by mentally treating themselves.
So, from my observation, you cannot wish to do away with your darkness, or your womanly wilderness. And neither, should this make you a less than suitable participant for a partner. The partner who cannot handle the divine feminine in her entirety, has had fear, and timidity forced upon him.

And yes, in many ways this describes, ‘the runner’, in the twin flame dynamic, often the reflection of the current state of the male psyche – docile, in a state of passivity, male ego, and fragility.
But just because this man is not ready, by his own shortcomings to embrace you.. Does not mean that you are not to embrace you, which is exactly what happens to the ‘stayer’, during the separation stage. She begins to question herself, and her worth. Why has this person loved me? Is it because I was too much? Too clingy? Too forward? Too embracing?
Well yes, the answer to all of these things, is yes, actually, you probably were that way. But this is not a problem that lies with you, necessarily, no, not you alone. As in sync with your behaviour , your partner was also too distant, too apathetic, too fragile, and too fearful. You both were out of sync, not just you. 

For example, in the case of soul mate partnerships, many men, take on the responsibility of catering to a woman who may be viewed as emotionally explosive. If he himself has attained a significant level of balance, he will be able to nourish her accordingly, and help her, (not do the work for her), to integrate a path of healing, and resolution, knowing that now, she is safe with him. Safe from whatever traumas, and experiences developed in childhood that contributed to her shadow self. In the case of twin flames, both, are spiritually unadapted when the separation stage must occur.

The goal during healing.. Is to flow to a place of middle ground. Where your chakras are not too open, and neither are his too closed. 
When this type of middle ground is achieved, even when the divine feminine explodes like the volcano that she is, she will be able to identify with what emotions are passing through her quickly, and be able to feel, and experience her emotions, without judging herself, therefore, sooner returning to a place of inner peace, and equilibrium 

What will also happen is that, the divine masculine who has opened his chakras further, will be able to accept, and embrace the challenges that arise within the divine feminine, loving her during her toughest trials, whatever they may be, and not shying away, out of fear, from his divine duty..
Cinderella Anneh-bu
© 2015
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

So, what do you know about pain, dear? ‘Her twin flame love’, how death, and the loss of the past helped me heal.

  

  
2015 had nothing particularly special, nor alarming about its beginnings, and I pretty much thought that it was going to be a year much like all others, pretty brisk, informative, but none the less flat, and rather passive – boy was I wrong. Only a few months into the year, I received the news that my best friend from childhood had died, had been shot, and that I was going to have to deal with the prospect of my worst fear. Endings. And the ultimate ending. Who would have thought it? The girl who lived her life through fairy tales in her mind, that never included any endings, and never really allowed herself to experience the depth of her pain. Well now, the most high said, ‘you have no choice’. I will package this pain in such a way that your only option is to take heed to it, to surrender, to know it, and in turn.. To know me.

This was the beginning of a spiritual evolution, and Revolution, that I had absolutely no idea, nor awareness of. I didn’t know it yet, but my life was never to be the same.

This month, was the same month that I connected with my twin flame.. And there were no surprises there. This was only one of the synchronicities that followed our sacred Union. He too, was an old friend of the friend who I had lost, and we found ourselves gazing eyes at one another, in the cemetery, whilst our final good byes were said. It was all too surreal for me. But he was there. His love was there.
A few weeks/months after this had happened, after the ‘bubble love phase’, began to bubble over..we received even more news. Another friend of whom we had both known since childhood, had also died, in another fatal, tragic accident. I also found it rather symbolic that both of our friends who were lost were very active members of our past. We had to understand, the past was slowly crumbling around us. This caused not only much self reflection, (I being life path 7, and he being life path 11), but it also caused us to sit with, and re-visit our past selves. What was happening around us? Why was there so much death? 

Why, because there was so much rebirth.

So much destruction born, so many intense feelings, so many new discoveries, so much new depth.. And then he ran.
And all of a sudden, all of my worst fears stared me in the face. Challenging me to face each one of them. One, by one, by one.

I do not want to be the woman..

  
I do not want to be the woman that you love, and leave. Sex is more than an instrument to me. It is a testimony to the divinity that lies between me, and I do not wish for my sacredness to be defiled by boyish charm, and wit. 

I am not protective of many things, as I believe in freedom, and expression, but I guard my sacred temple till I am weak at the knees, because this is my only treasure, the only home that I have known.

And I care so little for your good looks. I have seen men finer, from time, to time. Neither, did they deserve the worth that I preserve, haven’t you heard?

I am the primal woman, of the first, to give birth to this earth, and that is every reason to reserve myself. 

I know the difference, I do, between a man who seeks a home between my legs, and one whom seeks vacation. 

– Cinderella Anneh-bu

Photo credits – – Becca Fitzpatrick | Hush, Hush