Twin flame reading – Mini Romantic life path, and tarot selection.

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I have tidied up your chosen questions a little bit to be able to incorporate all of your queries.

Your chosen questions have formed as,

1. Are we to reunite?
2.What can’t we stay away from each other?
3. What is my path for love?
4. What do we mean to each other?
5. How can i heal through this?
6. Why do i hold such a strong urge for him?
The wheel of fortune, the very card at the bottom was not initially apart of this deck, but as i was doing the reading, this card jumped out to me, and i always think that it is very important to take note of the cards which jump out to you!
This is an extremely spiritual card because it is ALL about karma! When this card appears, it is very possible that we are dealing with past lives, and past life karma. The wheel of fortune is all about destiny, which way will the wheel turn, and what will it reveal? This wheel also causes us to look at the decisions that we have made in our lives that have led us to this point. It is very likely that this union has caused both of you to stop in your tracks, dig deeper within yourselves than you have ever dug, all in attempts to discover exactly what this connection is, is it fact, or is it fiction? And what does it really mean?
All of the questions that you hold about this union, also constantly run through his mind, though he tries to block them out because they do not fit in with his ideals about peace of mind, and about perceived masculinity.  This card also indicates rapid change, movement and being able to clear karmic, and rapidly alter the course of the events of your life. Since you came into awareness of one another, and have embarked on this journey together, though sometimes separate, your lives have never been the same. This is all about the laws of balance, and harmony, and the nature of things being divinely orchestrated, much like your union. Give up the desire to control, ultimately, the karma that you have accumulated and your life’s decisions will determine the journey of this sacred union. Though do not worry, because all systems point to divinity.
You and your love have a shared life path of 6 – (10+5 = 15 //  1+5=6) which means compassion, the wounded healer archetype, humanitarianism, care-giving, charity, family bonds, and intensified sensitivities.
Alone, you reach the life path of 10.. Alot of numerologists prefer to simplify this number to 1, but i believe that the life path 10 is an incredibly important number in its own right!
The number 10 life path symbolises that your life is governed by two extremes, and should be inevitably ruled by balance. This number represents the alpha, and the omega, the all that is, the feminine, and the masculine – as shown by the juxtaposition that the 1 (wholeness), and the 0(nothingness) present. This can also be seen as a phallic symbol, for the male genitalia, and the female genitalia, giving the structure of both numbers.
The number 10 present within your birth sequence means that your overall life quest lies with attaining balance, and integrating these two parts of yourself, to achieve wholeness, and divine understanding of the all that exists. This number is capable of either great creation, or great destruction, and you will acknowledge although you possess so many extraordinary, and skilful traits, you are also met with procrastination, the occasional laziness, and crippling self doubt.
You are very hot, or you are very cold, there is rarely an inbetween with you.
Your love, is the life path of 5, which is the path of the empath, the humanitarian, the healer, the visionary, and the freedom fighter.
Life path 5 usually loves freedom, and travelling, and although they must learn a lesson of detachment in life, they are also very sensitive, and open, and tend to become attached to things very quickly. The downside to their attachment is that they may become overly possessive, and controlling, and for this reason, they usually opt to detach, and not grow too dependent upon things, as this intensity in them often frightens them, especially for a 5 path man.
Your love, just like you is very spiritually tuned, he is an open channel, and can receive images through thought, and feeling. This is how he often knows how you are feeling even when you have not told him. I believe that within him, he is fighting a war.
The part of himself that is masculine, and seeks to be logical, sturdy, in control, and focused, and the other side of himself, that belongs to you, the side that is feminine, embracing, and vulnerable, and seeks nothing more than love, and to give love, and to be loved. And my does he hold a lot of love for you within his soul! I can feel his love pouring and oozing out, and so can he, and this for the most part really frightens him. He is aware that this union is powerful, but he is unsure whether he would like to let such power run free, and what this would mean for him.
The complex aspects of the number 5, is the fact that they can be very touch, and go, very hot, and cold, (much like yourself)… Because they hold such a strong desire for freedom – because at some point in their lives they have experienced restriction, they may tend to disappear, or distance themselves once they feel themselves getting too close to somebody.
This does not mean that he does not care for you deeply when he behaves in this manner, but rather that he fears that one of you will let the other do, if you continue to be so dependent, and engaged with one another. Although inevitably, he cannot avoid this.
He has a very, very strong sense of right, and wrong, but he feels just as passionately, and strongly as you do. He, however, sometimes feels like he is not up to the job to be all that he should be. He is young, and caught inbetween living how he thinks, and how society thinks that he should be living, and how the romantic, and compassionate side of him wants to live.
This number is all about death and rebirth, i believe that his past was difficult, as was yours, and he has stains on his mind, and on his heart from the ways in which he may have at one point treated those in his life. And he must come to forgive himself, knowing that this was all apart of a learning curve, and experience.
Life path 10 also tends to experience very harsh up bringing, either with oppressive parents, or emotionally abusive, and or neglectful parents. The both of you have experienced a shakey start, and this makes your love, and your bond with one another all the more strong. You can sense within one another a difference, from the pain, and the pity that you have known before. However, on a logical level, you both are still quite doubtful..
1. Are we to reunite?
The hierophant.
In tarot decks, this is a card of strong spiritual connotation. When the hierophant appears, we are dealing with spiritual law, and spiritual order, and somebody who is balanced, and fair in matters of the divine. I believe that the two of you will unite, it is only a matter of time, as it is fated in spiritual law that you are to continue to be apart of one anothers lives. The hierophant also represents a medium, intermediary between the heavens, and the earth, much like a spiritual messenger. This may represent what the two of you are to one another, a spiritual wake up call, and perhaps this has been the reason for your separation. Alternatively, the spiritual message could be maintaining balance, within yourselves, and within your emotions, if you are to re-unite, and come back together in bliss.
The hierophant balances both worlds skilfully, this is how he is able to move and travel within the both.
Balance is necessary here for the both of you, internally, and externally.
2. Why can’t we stay away from each other?
The chariot.
The chariot represents the desire to go, and a strong urge to know where one is going. Let us say a target for instance, that must be met with vigour and enthusiasm! You cannot part ways from one another because you both have a very strong urge and a pull to arrive at ones another’s destinations. This pull is pretty intense, much like the creatures that are pulling the chariot along. You know that you have a mission, and you are aware that on some level this mission revolves around the other, and the urge is almost insatiable. This is not something that can be ignored, it is more like a soul pull. There is a clear sense here of knowing what you want, and going after it despite all odds, and obstacles. Ofcourse the two of you are aware that things are not perfect, and that the shaky nature of this romance tends to knock you off balance, but it also offers you great pleasure, and great joy, and that you cannot shy away from – no matter how hard you try! This card also signifies balance, as there are two sphinxes on either side. This gives the impression that the two of you feel on some level that you give one another balance.
3. What is my path for love?
The moon.
Another highly spiritual symbol, the moon connotes hidden feelings, the subconscious, deep emotions, fertility, feminine energy, and what is hidden, finally coming to light.
If you have been dealing with uncertainty within this union, then things are about to become very clear – very fast! The moon deals with the world of illusions, deciphering fact from fiction, real, from fake, and as i mentioned being uncertain, and suspicious is a trait that exists within both of you. On some level, this union feels too good to be true, too good to be pure, but the emergence of the moon is about to bring your intense emotions to the surface in an even more major way!  Your subconscious mind knows the truth, that you both hold these intense emotions toward one another, and that there is something potentially very powerful here – however, you are still worried about becoming too engulfed, and losing yourself to emotional intensities, (see the moons effects on the human mind – lunacy). This love is really powerful, and i do not see it going away, neither do i see any of you shying away to the challenges that stand to face you. The moon is all about illumination, casting a powerful light on the darkness, so it is very likely that one or both of you will awaken soon to the undeniable nature of this. It may even come in the form of a dream, or a passing, but pressing thought.
4. What do we mean to each other?
The page of wands.
The page of wands, is a messenger, look all pages. With him, he brings a message of excitement, enthusiasm, fun, compassion, and creativity. This is what you mean to one another. A revert to a simpler time, a time within childhood perhaps before perceived traumas, and limitations of the mind. A time in which both of you were far more capable of tapping into your creativity, and your artistic nature. The fire that exists within you that is not dampened by life’s experiences, or glitches along the way.
The page of wands is all about raw passion, and intensity – that is finally allowing yourself to be all that you are, without judgement from interfering outside sources/voices. When you are alone together, it is as if nobody else in the world exists, and none of the mistakes, or the scars that exist within you, exist any longer. This is an intense fiery glow in the heart, a flame that cannot so easily be burnt out, that burns with strength, and playful joy. Because of this existence of this, you can both tap into unlimited manifestation possibilities, and creative juices, whenever you ignite one another’s presence.
5. How can i heal through this?
Ten of wands.
The ten of wands is a card of burdens, and being overwhelmed by carrying more than our fair share!
It appears as if you are carrying too heavy of a burden, and struggling uphill with it. If you seek to progress, and move forward with your journey in life, you cannot possibly think that you can carry all of the baggage that you are currently carrying with you. Whether this relates to behavioural patterns, imprints, thought streams, or negative past experiences, and emotions, you need to let go of whatever is weighing you down, and making you feel as if you cannot travel lightly. There is no need to burden yourself with the things that you cannot control, and if you are holding any apprehension about this union, then it is best to lay that to rest, as this will only further deter any chances of reconciliation, or seeing the truth of matters.
The weight being carried within this card, is usually unnecessary weight, and if you were to simply ask for some help, or to lessen your load by sorting through what is necessary, and what is unnecessary, you will find a much more blissful, and peaceful journey, and that things no longer seem so difficult for you.
Drop all of your expectations, demands, worries, queries, and especially past pains associated with this union, with yourself, and with love in general. This is not serving you, in anyway, and is only prolonging your misery.
6. Why do i hold such a strong urge for him?
The two of cups.
You feel such a strong urge for him, because you ARE him! In essence, you are both a part of one another, and in the same way that you cannot separate your mind from the rest of yourself, you cannot separate him from you, or you from him, you are eternally connected, and probably even spent many past life terms together! The two of cups is all about romance, sharing, compassion, bonding, and relationships. This is a card of harmony, balance, and joy experienced through mutual partnership. He loves you, just as much as you love him, and yes both of you can see this. How could you possibly stay away from a love of this nature? Though there is a lot of healing that needs to take place, especially on his part, you still feel that you are the perfect lady to balance him out, and he to balance you out, although much of this balance needs to first come from within! As a healer, naturally, you would love to be able to ‘heal’ him, and ‘fix’ him, but you need to understand that this is a journey that he must undergo himself, and you cannot map out, or script these lessons for him, neither can you speed up his recovery. The intense pull toward him also highlights an area within yourself that requires healing, in relation to the masculine within yourself, and perhaps even the paternal side of your family. If any trauma occurred there, then this union is also asking you to pay attention to that, and to heal that area.
I thoroughly hope that you have enjoyed this reading my love, as much as i have enjoyed giving it to you!
And i look so forward to hearing any of your feedback.
Kindest regards my love,
Seek Cindy.
This type of reading was a specialised twin flame reading – you may receive this type of reading for the same price as the romantic life path reading. However, with a romantic life path reading, there are no tarot options, the life path calculations, and comparisons however are far longer.
You may provide a photo of yourself, and your love for greater accuracy. However, this does not alter the accuracy of the reading should you choose to withhold this option for confidentiality purposes.
To book your own – email cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
Reading list.

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Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com
E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

 

 

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Full Moon in Virgo, Opposition Pisces.

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Today, on the 22nd of the 2nd, we are experiencing a full moon. Now full moons are usually the period where the manifestation of the intentions made from the new moon, are supposedly brought into fruition, and brought back onto the surface, so that we can see how well we played into these particular sets of themes, and perspectives.

Numerologically speaking, the number 2, or 22 represents building, balance, co-operation, and the utilisation of both masculine, and feminine energies, working in unison.

To view my new moon article, see here https://cindyannehbu.wordpress.com/2016/02/08/february-8th-new-moon-in-aquarius-numerology-detachment-karma-twin-flames-renewal-and-creative-activation-tarot-

Our most reason new moon, new moon in Aquarius, was all about detachment, and using logical discernment to be motivated in our business desires, effectively dropping everything that weighs us down, in order to strive towards our highest achievement.

So, how have you all been doing with that?

It is okay if you haven’t entirely detached, or separated yourself from all limiting thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. What is important is, you have planted the seeds to do so, and that you are well on your way to becoming conscious of what holds you back, and what does not work.

Virgo, is pretty much continuing this theme that we hold of masculine energy – logic, observation, and ctitique, from an objective standpoint. It is easy for us to become lost in the flow of life, and allow ourselves to be carried away by our emotions, (like our very idealistic, and intuitive friend Pisces), and this is absolutely great for our creative imagery, and intuitive ability – but it is not so great for those of us who feel an acceleration in our earthly missions, and need to press on, is it?

Once again, we are being asked to balance our feminine side, with our masculine side.

Can we allow ourselves to tap into divine knowing, and truth, without becoming too distracted from the matters that lay at hand? This  full moon asks us not to become carried away by our desire to figure things out through aimless, and relentless day dreaming.  Often, when we feel as if we have much to do, we tend to grow overwhelmed, and instead decide to do nothing. This is pretty harmful.

This attitude serves us absolutely no good if we are to use the immense potential of this numerological 9 year to actualise our goals, see here https://cindyannehbu.wordpress.com/2016/01/08/numerology-report-2016-year-of-the-number-9-and-spiritual-advancement/

We have HUGE fish to fry this year, and much is expected of us starseeds to continue raising the collective vibration, and providing a warm bosom of supporting comfort, and welcoming home, to those who are only just crossing the threshold and embracing the journey of healing, and self awareness.

Careless day dream is fun, and yes, it even does serve to bring us answers, in the most insightful, and intuitive ways, but too much of it becomes stagnancy, and passivity, in the very way that our beautiful, dreamy Pisces opposition can also wreak disappointing results.

We are introduced to a juxtaposition here with Pisces energy in opposition. Pisces is all about femininity, delving into the world of dreams, and refusing to take too much action, instead opting for things to just ‘go with the flow’, and trusting ‘divine timing’. Oh, how wonderful divine timing can be. But all those who study the law of metaphysics and magic, will be very familiar with the thought that there are multiple destinies mapped out for us in the vast multidimensional universe, the one that we effectively strive toward, envision, and work to manipulate our vibrations toward, is the one that we will tap into.

It is okay to day dream, (some times), but allow this day dreaming to be pro-active, focused even.

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On the other hand, how often do perfectionists have fun? I mean, they are often so busy scrutinising, and analysing every detail of everything, they can often forget all about themselves, and become lost in the expectancy that befalls upon them, and their own limitless requirements of themselves. Do not be so hard on yourself.

One of the things that i admire about the energy of Pisces, that is often viewed as laziness, and lethargy, is actually their ability to chill out. Okay, so sometimes they may indulge in a little too much self care, and forget to chase their goals, but one thing that you can never say about them, is that they do not make time for self love. Because usually they do, and then some! Being a water sign, they are constantly checking in on themselves, checking in on their feelings, and ensuring that their inner world has not been rocked too much by the harsh realities and motions of the 3d world.

Do not neglect yourself on your quest to conquer the world. How shall it be conquered without an active conqueror? Pour love into you, too. Because water is also transparent, during this time, we may be presented with mirrors that reflect our shadow selves, and aspects of ourselves that we need to allow to die, if we are to keep a clear mind for the tasks, and requirements ahead, avoiding all distraction.

 

Tarot reading – What to expect for this forthcoming full moon period – including the main theme for the remainder of this month.

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Main theme – The five of wands.

The five of wands is a card that typically presents quarrelling, competitiveness, arguments for arguments sake, and a period where everything seems to be rising in opposition against us. It is very likely for us to feel this way when undergoing periods of great change. You can almost taste sweet satisfaction, and taste success, but every time you are just about to allow happiness to settle in, a swooning memory from the past, or a potential enemy of the future comes to spoil the day. Perhaps your greatest competitor is the you from the past. So desperate to separate yourself from former perceptions, and from past experiences, you have become your own worst enemy in a bid for mass, and immense transformation, even at the expense of your own peace of mind. You must remember not to bite off more than you can chew, and not to juggle too much just because you are so desperate to prove yourself. This card can also represent standing your ground, and standing up for yourself when challenged about your thoughts, beliefs, or perspectives. It is time for you to trust yourself, to trust that you are operating in the way in which the divine would like you to,  and go fourth in your aims, and ambitions, even if it appears that you are doing so alone.

Twin flames:

What the masculine is thinking/feeling –

Page of wands.

Considering that pages are messengers, and wands cards represent the notion of taking action, doing, and moving, it is clear to see here that the masculine is experiencing, (pardon my British colloquialism), ‘ a fire up the bum’. Something within him is burning to take action, to grab hold of the world, and to use his boyish charm to make a mark on the world. Perhaps he is beginning to realise that he has been too passive in matters of the heart, and areas of his life that require him to take action. The page of wands is pretty cheeky, some might say cocky, but i just feel as if he is highly confident, because he has assessed his situation, and knows better than ever, that if you do not go after what you want with a burning enthusiasm, it will not fall into your lap. Many twin flames may find themselves in the coming weeks/months met with a new side of their twin flame, a more embracing side, a side destined to win them back over. His new found excitement may be causing friction within his existing environment, and those around him may not understand his desires to take a different path, explore new avenues, or challenge this status quo, as presented by the five of wands, but he is so determined, that he holds no qualms about going it alone!

What the feminine is thinking/feeling –

Eight of cups.

The eight of cups is all about leaving the past behind, leaving behind what no longer suits us, and delving within ourselves to provide ourselves with the nourishment that may be missing from external areas. The feminine gene-pool has been incredibly perceptive, and analytical lately. Growing tired of having the world around her constantly influence, interfere, and affect her emotional stability, she has now opted to try to take control of her own happiness. Long gone are the days where she relied upon others, or looked toward them to fulfil her. She has recognised how empty, and non-satisfactory this practice is. Perhaps she has not yet reached the peak of perfection (9 of cups), but she is no longer stuck within herself, (7 of cups), and is now very ready to take the next step in leaving the past behind, and becoming the person that she knows, that she was always destined to become. Now is not the time for her to abandon her efforts of detachment, and weeding out the useless, and the unnecessary. Much has been accomplished, but there are still things weighing her down, and causing internal, and external conflict, as presented by the five of wands.

 

Full moon manifestation meditation –

Sit with your palms faced down to the ground, so that you are centred.

Repeat,

I am allowing the things that do not resonate with me to fall away.

I am no longer a victim of the past, I am a perpetrator of the future.

I am active, I am focused, and I am determined.

I am easily able to tap into my intuitive knowing, because I am balanced, as well as focused.

The answers that I seek will come to me, even whilst I am not actively seeking them.

 

To book your own personalised reading with me, or to find out how you can utilise this numerological year, or this full moon period to your highest benefit, email me at cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

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Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com
E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

 

Do you hate him? Because i, can not..

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As much as i wish to hate the narcissistic man, a part of me just cannot bring myself to loathe him in the ways that i should. A part of me sympathises with him, with a deep part of his pain that he cannot, and has not seemed to make peace with, for he knows not how.

In feeling, and thinking that his masculinity is reliant upon his denial of the issues that he has faced upon his life, he has become a mirror of his own darkness, destined to walk this earth carrying with him the very thing that he despises.

For within him, i see the empath, the empath who never got to be an empath because we belong to a society that emotionally stunts, and persecutes men. In not becoming the empath, he instead becomes the socipath, unable to heal his own pain, or even feel it in the ways that he should..Instead suppressing it, and allowing it to grow into poison.

He is cruel to the world, because he is cruel to himself.

He shows no compassion, because he has been shown none.

 

 

To book a  personalised reading with me, email me via the email shown below.

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Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com
E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

 

You are your mother.

 

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On the journey of spiritual enlightenment, it is very important for us to consider the relationships that we hold with our parents, and who they are. If we are empaths, we understand that our duty on this plane is in clearing karmic debt, and for these reasons, we will usually belong to parents who are also carrying alot of trauma, and have also come from a long line of generational trauma. This trauma is now ours, and it can end with us if we permit it to..If we allow our own karma to be cleared, effectively cleansing the gene pool of this generational curse, so to speak.

As much as a man is his father, a woman, is her mother. This is why you will see such a great disconnection in the lives of many black men.. A disconnection from their own fathers, physical, or even emotional, leading back a long way away, to physical separation of men from their families during slavery, a generational curse, yet to be cleared entirely from the gene pools of many.

So, how do you clear such a heavy burden. So many years of trauma, loss, and defeat? First, you must recognise it. Who is your mother? What makes her happy? What makes her tick? Her pain is your own. If the trauma committed against her is so great, that you can not build a successful relationship with her, then this too you must heal from. If not, you will continue to suffer a complex in which you, yourself, are not whole. From her, you came..Through her, you were created.

We cannot heal another’s wounds. But in recognising how these very wounds have also shaped us, we can begin to heal ourselves, and in doing so, will know how to cradle the wounds of those closest to us.

 

 

To book a personalised reading with me, email me via my contact email below.

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Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com
E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

 

 

An insight, into mental illness – depression, and anxiety.

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One of the things that really struck out to me at the height of my struggle with mental illness, was the perceptions of those around me. It is not bad enough to have these confusing, and alienating swarms of self doubt, and self dissatisfaction in your mind, but to grant matters worse, mostly everybody who you open up to about the situation that you face, will likely have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

If you are indeed lucky, and you decide to turn to somebody who has even an ounce of compassion within them, they may offer you the standard comments of feigned compassion, ‘everything will be alright’, ‘you just have to think more positively’, or..(and this one has to be my favourite), ‘all you have to do is pray’.

Whilst all of these gestures truly meant well, they were all missing out on one vital aspect of my mental illness. What i was feeling, was entirely out of my control. This is the part of mental illness that many cannot seem to wrap their head around. And truly, i do not know if i can blame them for that anymore. What is categorised as mental illness is actually the collection of your own belief systems, thoughts, experiences, and energetic imprints, malfunctioning, because they are all together damaging! One can not truly expect somebody who hasn’t lived the same life as them, or even a similar life, to walk inside of their shoes in this way, and to understand the things that haunt them, or the ways in which they are haunted.

This is what separates mental illness so from physical illness. Physical illness has physical manifestations. Everybody will believe you are sick because they can physically see, that indeed you are sick. Your skin may appear frail, you may exhibit symptoms of being unwell, such as excessive coughing, fatigue, or outbreaks of skin disorders.

But what about mental illness?

Doesn’t that too carry physical manifestation?

Well, actually..Yes it does. Because our internal system is in such direct accordance with our external systems, (as above, so below), the thoughts and feelings that we conjure whilst we are suffering from depression, anxiety, or let’s say ptsd, we do actually begin to exhibit notable bodily changes during our suffering.

The biggest physical manifestation for me during this period, was weight gain. But this actually differs from sufferer, to sufferer, with some instead dropping an alarming amount of weight within a short space of time.

Typical with many empaths, is our desire to shield ourselves from the ‘psychic attack’, the external energies that attach themselves to us, and the feelings that they stir within us. You will find that many empaths are actually overweight or struggle with food issues, because food is one of the defensive shields that are used to allow us to feel grounded, and one could even argue that the layer of fat that surrounds us when we are overweight, serves as a protective barrier, (psychologically), from that which threatens to destabilise us. I feel as if these protective measures are only magnified if the empath exists in a space that is absolutely polluted with vampiric energy, and negative life force – which is typically alot of the time.

Ranging inbetween insomnia and fatigue.

During the most intense periods of my mental illness, i would fluctuate between being completely unable to get any sleep, to being so devastatingly tired, that all i could do was draw my curtains and sleep for hours, and hours on end. Sleep was yet another tool that i used for escapism. Whilst i was asleep, i could escape to dream land, and i did not have to deal with, or face any of the ugly things that the waking world had to offer me – including myself. The nights that i was held captive to insomnia, were simply a result of my inability to shut off my mind, and the intense desire that i had to overthink every single detail, and event of my life up until that exact point.

I may not have been aware that i was so sinking into the depths of something that would refuse to let me go, even years later, but i definitely knew that something was not right within, but whilst i did not know what, i would set myself up on a mission every night, to scrutinise, and analyse, why my life was so? Typically, i would be pretty hard on myself when i did this. Or rather, the depression, would be so hard on me. Somehow, my mind would always manage to pinpoint all of the worst things that i had experienced, and chose the night time, possibly the loneliest, and the most quiet time, to go over it all, to assess it to fine minute detail, and to mock myself for being ever so silly, so gullible, and so unlovable. Such was the narrative of my evenings.

Poor skin hue.

It may seem like new age, or vegan propaganda, but it is true that along with the foods that you consume, and the thoughts that exist within your mind about yourself, have significant impact on the way that you look, the way that your skin appears, how brightly your smile shines, and the condition of your eyes, as well as your nails, hair, and teeth. Somebody who is suffering from depression, ptsd, or anxiety so severely, will surely look unwell. It may not be so apparent to somebody who sees them regularly, or even everyday, but the deterioration of their appearance surely follows, once they have become engulfed by this invisible monster. And ofcourse! It is hardly a surprise. Who wouldn’t begin to look a little off colour if they were suddenly plagued by a host of negative entities intended to destroy them?

Bad thoughts, about yourself, your experiences, and the beliefs that exist as a result of this, are more than enough to cause you to look inside of the mirror one day, and almost not recognise who you are.

Procrastination and lethargy.

Stagnancy, is perhaps amongst the most insidious, and harrowing effects of living with a mental illness. Without the belief in yourself, or the motivation to make a change, it is very likely that your situation will prolong itself, once again – this is not in your control, so your ability to pull yourself out of this funk, becomes seriously limited, and restricted. This is what separates mental illness from simply experiencing a period of stress, or finding yourself overcome with life’s usual ups and downs. In the case of mental illness, you have no energy or desire within you whatsoever to do the necessary work, that may supposedly cure you of your ailments.

Taking walks, getting out there, going to the gym, eating better, seeing friends again – these were all concepts completely alien to me whilst i didn’t even feel like seeing myself. Depression makes you lonely. Extremely lonely. I mean the kind of loneliness that grips at your heart, and threatens to shatter it into pieces. In a world of 7 billion, depression will convince you that nobody is there for you, and that even when you reach out to them, your efforts will all be in vain. Depression will tell you that nobody cares about you. Over, and over again. Anxiety on the other hand, (which it is usually coupled with), will tell you that i if you were to reach out to somebody, they would sense the depth of your depression, and not want much to do with you anyway. Anxiety will tell you that if you tried all of these things, the getting out there, the meeting up with friends, and the going out, that you would only have your worst fears confirmed, and will be judged, scrutinised, and abandoned – inevitably reaffirming your depressive beliefs, and sending you right back to square one.

Two devils – on both shoulders.

 

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So then why is it, even with all of these physical symptoms of mental illness, people still refuse to acknowledge that you are indeed, mentally ill?

Well, that all depends on who you are, and who you are telling. There has existed a long standing stigma with mental health, that it is simply all in the mind, (which it truly is), and can be wished away simply by conquering the mind, and pushing through with a passion anyway.

This was one of the initial problems that i had with spirituality – well, the hippy dippy version of it anyway! The version that said that all you had to do was simply think positively, and all of your troubles would be washed away. Well, you see, that does not work so very well with mental illness. Mental illness is actually a chemical imbalance, caused by the structure of the brain, typically affected, and altered to become over stimulated, and triggered by stress – a negative by-product of childhood trauma.

So simply, ‘positive thinking’, or ‘prayer’, as religious advocates suggested, was not going to be enough. In order to understand mental illness, and effectively fight against it, you must get to the core of it. This is why i became a healer. I am not interested in the fact that things merely exist, i am interested in WHY they exist, how they exist, and in eradicating them, i understand that you must first unfold the secrets to how they came to be.

Healing, is a continuous process. A continual re-wiring of the brain, and ever deepening layers of self realisation. The things that cause your depression, were actually imprinted upon you. They are not yours to keep. But only should you know this, should you begin to work through this.

It is very important to recognise the symptoms of mental illness, because if you are anything like me, and you come from a culture, and an ethnicity that pride themselves on two things – strength through the suppression of emotion, and a stern belief in religious salvation in the face of all turmoil, then you will likely be told many times throughout your struggle, that you are not actually suffering at all, that you must buck up your ideas, and find a way to cope.

This is ludicrous, and a disastrously damaging belief system to perpetuate! Mental illness is real. Whether you do accept that it is through spiritual possession or not – the effects of it, are as real as night and day, and it is important for all ethnicities, backgrounds, and  communities, religious, or otherwise, to come to accept this. This is the first step, in healing.

I chose spirituality, because it gave me the option to stand up for myself, to seek within myself, for my answers, for my troubles, for my turmoil, and not seek outside of myself, not to ask God for help that would supposedly fall into my lap one evening and right all of my chemical inconsistencies. No, spirituality made me understand that this ‘God’ that i sought, was only to be found within myself, once i had freed myself of everything that was not ‘of God’. This was the same all knowing God that had entrusted that if i were to be infected with all of these external damning energies, that i too had the power to expel them, and in doing so, bring back the anecdote to expel them in others, as i find myself doing now..

 

Side note – “People will always do their Very best to invalidate your pain, it is how they get by ignoring their own. Pretending that it does not exist, pretending that every painful occurrence is casual, and non offending, and non penetrating. This is how they get by. This is how they get through life, choosing apathy to hide the wounds that they do not wish to deal with. So they will stare you right in the eyes and tell you that you too are not in pain, that you are merely exaggerating or feeling sorry for yourself. And this is largely because you acknowledging your own wounds takes them to a place within themselves where they have refused to acknowledge their own. Do not fall victim to their delusions or illusions. There is great strength in acknowledging that you have been wounded, it is a skill of the searching, analytical mind to pin point wounds and exact moments that they have occurred. Only then can we begin fixing, and re-arranging, and even healing. What a bold person, to accept, that they are so far from perfect.” “It is absolutely vital that sufferers of depression and post traumatic stress disorder feel validated in their suffering. Often, people attempt to minimise, downplay or outright ignore emotional pain as it does not leave physical scars, and is far more difficult to prove to those who just aren’t willing to grant others the sweet release of acknowledgement. This is particularly a tactic used by abusers to keep themselves safe from being identified as the abuser, whilst continuously abusing the ‘victim’ by denying them any right to feel pain or hurt about their misfortune. This also denies them the ability to begin appropriately healing, or identifying that the destructive behaviours and self inflicted injuries that follow their abuse, are not at all their fault..the very real danger here, is that as a result of such prolonged psychological, emotional, or physical abuse, the victim already doubts themselves and experiences internal conflict in the form of self doubt and confusion, this means that by being told that they are simply being, ‘silly’, or ‘over sensitive’, in their concerns, they are very likely to once again doubt themselves, wondering if at all they are being abused, or if in some way, they are deserving of this abuse..” – Cindy Anneh-bu.

 

 

To discuss mental health with me, or book one of my advice, reading services in order to find out what your blockages are, or dream interpretations to uncover the hidden guidance behind your dream symbolism, email me to place a booking. Please note, that i am not a doctor, and do not claim to stand in substitution for professional guidance. I will always advice my clients to find a suitable balance between seeking both professional/medical advice, and holistic therapies. Please always consult a medical professional about the best options available to your for treatment, and never feel obliged to go through with any method that feels uncomfortable to you. There are always people to speak with, either myself, or your closed loved ones about options that are available to assist you in your recovery. Above all, please know that you are always worth this help, and this healing. And if i could make it out of my worst, suicidal days, then so can you! Just look at me now..

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Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com
E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

 

Loss, love, and spiritual awakening – sacrificial donations [Buffy and Charmed edition.

 

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Spirituality is not about being positive,  always- it is about shining a light on the aspects of yourself that are not positive, always.
Shamanism actually is dependent upon ones ability to travel to the underworld (shadow self), and retrieve lost soul fragments..

Cindy Anneh-bu

From my experiences, and the knowledge, and the wisdom that i have accumulated over my years since recognising my spirituality, i have found that both loss, and pain, go pretty much hand, in hand, and are tied into spiritual evolution. Every time that i have experienced an accelerated transformation in spirituality, and mental, and emotional clarity, i have just recently found myself at the pit of emotional despair.

The correlation between spiritual growth, and sacrifice through pain, are not entirely new theories, and you may even say that they have been present in traditional scripture, such as Christ, sacrificing himself to death, for the good of all man kind, only to be resurrected in a ‘light body’ state a few days later, assumed to be much closer to the divine, and having shed what some may perceive to be the ego self.

However, we do not even have to look so far to human sacrifice in the case of offerings from God. We can search a little closer to tribal spiritual fascinations, for instance African spiritual systems, and those derivative, where animals, such as small chickens, and sometimes goats, are’sacrificed’ in order to appease the Gods.

Now, what may at first glance seem like a very sadistic, and masochistic version of events,  could alternatively, be seen in a light where the offering of such suffering, or sacrifice, plays into, and stirs, the very nature of a death and rebirth theme, that life, and especially the divine, concerns itself with.

In many tribal cultures, especially shamanism, depression, and other mental illnesses are actually viewed as an influx of spiritual stimuli, and what some refer to as possession. It is only after one travels deep into the crevices of their doom, that they are met with guides who instruct them of what to do, how to heal themselves, and essentially, how to become a healer for others. This is the belief. Suffering begets some kind of power, or some kind of revelation from the spirit world, that we may utilise to bring resolution to both ourselves, and others.

The idea of darkness, and light existing in co-operation, the ever dancing state of balance, the yin, in accordance with the yang, the masculine, working side by side with the feminine, the light, concerning itself only with matters of the dark – because without one, the other knows no breath.

This very polarity is incredibly inherent in what we refer to as, ‘twin flames’, or divine union. These sacred types of partnership are all about recognising, and integrating the aspects of our shadow selves, if we are to experience spiritual cleansing, and wholeness. The facet that i feel like religion neglects, is the suppression, and the denial of lower aspects of ourselves, essentially our shadow. We are taught to be ashamed of these aspects of the self. ‘Sin’, as it is called.

However, when the twin flame arrives in our lives, they will usually be somehow taboo, or there will be some degree of the relationship that may be seen as betrayal, or not socially, or openly accepted by all. This is so that we are confronted with our own shadow selves, the mirrors of who we are, and the wrong that we do, reflected by the judgements of our society. We must fully let go of the egoic beliefs that we have collected along the way, that call for us to shame, and shun our shadow selves. Our shadow selves are merely a reflection of these societies, and communities that we come from, so why should we shut them away? Rather, we should pierce them open, and listen to what they have to say..Allow them to kill our egotistical perceptions of perfection, and what it means for love, and life, to be perfect.

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In an episode where Phoebe travelled into her past life, she became aware that she used to be evil. For this reason, when she fell in love with Cole, who was partly, (sometimes completely) evil, she became struck with the thought, perhaps there something inside of her that was attracting this evil? That enabled her to be more susceptible to evils? Well, yes..She was an empath. And all empaths will be familiar with experiencing relationships in which we have attracted lowly vibrating partners. Whilst these relationships nearly tore us apart, every time that we come out of them, we have a greater understanding, and appreciation, for love, the good, and the bad. Including what it means to love somebody who does not necessarily know how to accept love.

But Cole was not all evil – well, not all of the time. He was actually half human, and it was his human half that enabled him to fall in love deeply with Phoebe. So in a way, they both had parts of each other already existing within themselves. This element of being a hybrid is also present in twin flames, who hold immense energy for either creation, or destruction, and can be swayed either way.

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Their love, made him want to be good. So much so that he battled with himself, the good and evil within himself, (the soul, and the ego), relentlessly. Upon meeting, he knew that in order to be with her, he could no longer proceed with his ways of being, and doing, though this was what came so naturally to him before. Who he was. What he knew. This struggle is also present in twin flames embodying the masculine energy. Do they leave behind what they know, in order to pursue their love? And if they do, does this not mean losing themselves..And losing their power?

Their love, made her want to be rebellious. To challenge the status quo. What was not usually done, she would do for love. She would go the extra mile, despite how her sisters may have viewed her as weak, irresponsible, or gullible.

This is also present within the twin flame feminine gene pool – her friends, and family in the 3D world looking on in horror, confusion, and dismay as she continues to pursue somebody who is seemingly all wrong for her.

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The great loss.

We experience this great loss in the form of an ego death, but it is also in separation from  our twin. Phoebe making the decision to vanquish Cole, is symbolic of her releasing her lower self, her egoic self, and allowing that part of who she is, to dissolve, until there is nothing left but self – all by herself. She came to understand, that this sacrifice, was for the greater good, despite what it had cost her. This is why the separation period feels so very painful, because during this time, we are shedding all of our belief systems, thoughts, and energetic patterns, until we are left with nothing but us, raw, in our entirety. And it is mighty painful. But..After, Phoebe vanquished Cole, her life took a surprising new turn.  She was able to throw herself in to her work, and find herself in ways that she had not previously been able to. She became self actualised, more independent, a fighter for herself, and her truth, and having withstood the deepest, and the darkest love one could know, she was entirely transformed. I also believe that this gave her the much  needed courage to later step into her empathic abilities, and the weight that they presented her with.. The ultimate sacrifice, paid off.

 

 

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How the loss of Prue transformed Piper.

Before losing Prue, Piper was the more timid of the three sisters. Stuck in the middle, she was not truly sure of her space, or who she was. She was working in a restaurant at one point, in which she wasn’t truly happy, when her actual goal, was to open up her own restaurant. She later became the owner of P3. However, it was not until the death of Prue that she truly became self actualised. The grief, and the anger from the loss coincided perfectly with her newly gained power, the ability to blow things up, as opposed to only being able to freeze things – metaphorical for the acceleration of her energies. This was JUST the fire power, and kick start she needed, and it could not have come at a better time. This new found self belief, determination, and fire power were just the appropriate ingredients needed to vanquish the source!

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Buffy, and Angel too were apart of a divine partnership in which the love was perceived to be forbidden. Good and bad. Morality, versus evil – the themes that plague all twin flame unions. Once again, for the purposes of transmutation, to come into the knowledge that the darknesses exists within the light, and the light exists because of the darkness.

Angel too was separate from the typical vampire, the way that Cole was separate from the typical demon, just as the divine masculine is separate from the average man. Where Cole was actually half human, Angel had a soul, which rendered him different from all of the other vampires. He had a conscience, and the moment that he saw Buffy arrive in Sunny dale, he fell in love with her, and he knew that through her, he wanted to be a better man. He did not necessarily understand how it would be done, but he knew that it would be.

 

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The temptation to revert back to his old ways, and to give into his lower nature was represented here externally by the presence of Spike, and mostly, Drusilla. Drusilla represented  a part within him where darkness reigned supreme, and was associated with passion, power, and conquest. Whereas with Buffy, he could be his true self – what felt comfortable, what felt right, what felt like ‘home’. Just like with Cole, in order to revert him back to his evil nature, both Spike and Drusilla played upon the idea that we was somehow weak for giving into her, and giving into his love for her – an idea that was enough to enrage him to prove the illegitimacy of these notions – in protest.

Because of a gypsy curse placed upon him ions ago, for his sins, it is in the moment that Angel feels the most love, that he is triggered to once again turn evil (to confront his shadow self), and this takes place after him and Buffy have become intimate. Much like the ‘Bubble love phase’, which lasts for twins from a few weeks, to a few months, before their old karma is brought up to be cleared, once, and for all.

She too, had to commit the ultimate sacrifice later, killing Angel, in order to stop him from wreaking any-more havoc on anybody else.Though her heart knew great loss, through this, it also came to know great strength, and resilience.

 

 

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Sacrificial donor.

In one of the most heart breaking televisions scenes, the episode, ‘the body’, sees Buffy losing her mother, after coming home to find her dead on the sofa. The events that play out after this, involve Buffy becoming a big sister, finding greater strength in her abilities, and developing a far more responsible, and serious attitude toward life in general. It is this type of loss that brings us closer to our true nature. That allows us to realise what is truly important, and what isn’t, and to fully step into our roles, and destinies, and what they require from us. Knowing such loss, allows us to know ourselves. The capacity of the human heart, and of the internal strength that we hold, is more than enough to convince you of the existence of the divine, and to bring you closer to such a knowing. The cycle of life. Death, and rebirth, and the blessings that such loss brings. Disguised, ofcourse, for if they were anything else, our lessons would not be retrieved.

There is no transformative element, like love.

 

 

Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com
E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

 

To book a twin flame reading, or any of my other services, contact me via email, at your earliest convenience.

A culture of love, and ill trust.

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Art credits – Kehinde Wiley.

There is a culture among men who grow up in the slums. Usually from broken families, or families who have endured a lot of trauma, they group within themselves, and set out to construct entirely  new families, based upon the other young men that reside within the confines of their block, and the areas that they will come to know, and come to feel encapsulated in. Yes, because it is a trap. Not only of economical measure, i would say, it is mostly on a mental, and energetic plane, that living in the ‘hood’ is a trap. A psychological trap. They see no place fit for themselves within the system, society makes sure of that long before they can ever understand why, or how.
So, they feel as if the only tangible, and solidified thing within their lives, is their brother hood. The cultivation of this second family that they build, the one consistency that they know. The ones who share with them, the vision, of a better world, even if they will never know how to grasp it, imagination is thick enough.
And the things that they experience together, when they set out to make money, the loyalty is the only thing that offers them solace at night, when it is quietened, and they are met with the blackened silences of their own consciousness.

But how long? Until they realise the paper thin reality of their own morality. The good that you do catches up with you, as does the bad. And alot of these men are not bad men, far from it. Many of them old, and wise souls, born from a lineage of strong African heritage, but in the western world, in the dungeons, and the crevices of the slums, they know not of such royalties – only the homage that they pay to their brethren, only such loyalties.

 

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Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com
E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk