General Weekly Reading – 30th January-5th February 2017; Facing the subconscious, through the eyes of God.

Greetings my love bugs – As I have mentioned on both my instagram page, and my twitter, last week was a pretty emotionally, and energetically demanding week for me, and I did not find the chance to complete the general weekly, and the twin flame weekly then – HOWEVER, the cards were pulled, and I did find it very important to share the information that I found in them.. Although late, I believe this reading can still help many of us make sense of what was occurring for us last week. Please do enjoy, and understand a lot of these energies do tend to linger into the new week also.. The weekly for THIS week, will be posted shortly..Many thanks for your LOYAL readership!

general-weekly

Main theme – Page of  pentacles, Surrounding cards – 7 of swords, 3 of wands, The hierophant, Queen of cups.

Numerological break down calculation – 30th – 3 (magnified by the presence of the 0) – Empathy, community, communication, creativity, birthing, merging, the divine mother – 5 – Change, transition, travel, newness, liberation, journeying. 

The knight of pentacles introduces a future undertone into this reading. Something this week has triggered us to look deeply into the future, and how we would like it to be, based upon how the past was. There is a lot of visitation of the past at this time, and it is this recollection of what is no more that causes us to think so intensely about what is to be.

The knight of pentacles has a plan. This is an individual who is calculated, pensive, and seeks to be precise about their actions. There is a pressing desire to make a different mark on the world, and to do things differently, based upon what you have seen and known. Issues surrounding poverty consciousness, and lack may be presented to you, as you seek new, and sustainable ways to expand yourself, and to see that this expansion lasts. There is also a strong emphasis this week on family karma.  The queen of cups could represent the divine mother. What programs, and downloads have you had installed into you as a result of the mother that you had, or the relationship that you had with your mother? Was she responsive to you? To your calls? To your cries as a baby, or, was this love conditional, and how has this caused you to close your heart to love, or reject love, either consciously, or subconsciously. This week, sees us assessing our relationship with the divine mother. The divine mother is the essence of unconditional love, and we will be reviewing some of our blockages in relation to accepting love into our lives. Even those of us who pride ourselves on being empaths, healers, and lovers, many of us hold blockages to do with love, and beliefs about love, and ourselves that see us attracting narcissists, or other co-dependent, and low vibrational relationships. When we believe that we are undeserving or unworthy of love, these are the types of cycles that we so easily fall in to.

We may hold responsibilities this week to this divine mother. For some of us, this will be the cause of us pondering which direction to take in regards to our finances. This could be the part of ourselves that seeks nurturing, emotional support, and beautification. Perhaps our inner masculine side seeks merging with our inner feminine, and the knight of pentacles represents our desires to acquire finances, and take movement, in order to ensure that we can nurture, pamper, and support this most delicate, and sensitive part of ourselves. The heart chakra calls for healing when the queen of cups arrives, and perhaps this is healing in the form of past relationships, as the number 5 numerologically would suggest that some change needs to take place. It is imperative that we look forward at this time, and not dwell on what has been, unless it is to collect the lessons that it has taught us. The knight of pentacles holds something of value in his hands – so this may speak of the information that you have collected through your past experiences, but he knows that what he does with it next will determine whether he will develop into the king of pentacles – self sufficient, and abundant, or whether he will remain stagnant. Vital decisions are to be made at this point, which WILL be life changing. 

The seven of swords speaks of mental avoidance that can be no more. So, if we did have a narcissist in our lives, or somebody who did not necessarily have our best interests at heart? The chances are, that we knew this, that we always knew this, but due to some type of childhood grievance, we chose to ignore ourselves, and our feelings, and proceed with them anyway. Anything that you have been avoiding, or choosing not to be attention to, WILL be brought to your attention this week, and likely, not in a very calm, or soothing manor. The problem is, when you have been ignoring something for this long, when spirit brings it to your attention, it can be quite of a shock. Think – in a very tower-esque fashion. The 7 of swords represents us not being willing to think responsibly, or not thinking accurately about the future. This could relate to inner child syndrome, living without paying conscious attention to what it is that we are doing. The knight of pentacles definitely hints at a looming maturity – having the desire to plan ahead, instead of just existing unconsciously in the moment. It is time for us to take charge of our own lives, and of ourselves, and to weed out those who give us less than we deserve by identifying why, and HOW we also believe that we deserve less.

This is a very, very spiritual time, as well as an emotional time, and you may feel compelled to pull your energies back, retreat a little bit, in order to be contemplative, and to make sense of the many messages, insights, and images that the hierophant is presenting to you. The hierophant is all about spiritual revelation. Whatever it is that you are going through that appears particularly challenging, or ground breaking this week, spirit has WILLED it so, in order for you to learn, and pick up on vital lessons that will change the course of your spiritual destiny. Many of us are being called onto the path of shamanism, and in order to become healers we need to become honest about what needs healing within ourselves. Sometimes, the hierophant asks that we retreat, so that we can cement a stronger connection with the divine. What realisations come to you once you stop thinking from the ego perspective? Once you can silence yourself, and seek counsel from a higher power? Often, when life events are so challenging, we recognise that we cannot seek advice, or guidance from those around us. Perhaps we recognise that our friends do not have the insight, information, or level of assistance that we are requiring. This is the time when we turn to the divine – the most high, for the kind of guidance that stirs our soul.

Many of us on this path, and many of those called to read this are missionaries – messengers hand picked to spread the word, and it is essential at this time, that we learn from these painful experiences, and we learn from what is being revealed to us at this time, because it is a message that we must  pass on, to others, who will also deeply need this message in order to become closer to themselves, and closer to the divine. All of the blocks to unconditional love are pulled up, and revealed in order for us to retrieve the type of expansion, and new territory that the 3 of wands represents. The 3 of wands is all about venturing into new land.. Some of us will be physically travelling to somewhere we have never been before, whilst others of us will be travelling mentally, and spiritually to new lands. Living small, is not living – it is simply existing, and it is time for us to manifest more for ourselves by breaking the barriers that keep us attached to lack, and poverty consciousness. 

Your heart is expanding, preparing you to accept unconditional love, and this may feel like a psychological break down. In many ways it is a psychological death, and likely, you spent so long avoiding truths in your mind because to uncover these truths would mean to be honest about some painful things in your past. It is time to remove the crutch.. Understand more about yourself. Be compassionate at this time.. Seek those who have a healing touch, or can offer you a compassionate listening ear – maybe somebody who practices medium-ship, is on the spiritual path, or has very motherly energy. They will not be able to offer you all of the answers that you seek – as these lie within, but they will be able to hear you out, allow you to express your inner most self, and possibly trigger you into answering the questions that you need to ask yourself. 

So much is available to us at this time, but it is all about our mindset. Do we believe that we are deserving? Can we take these leaps of faith and trust that God and the universe will guide us? And have our back? The 3 of wands describes an individual who has taken the initiative to make the first step into a new life. They decided to move forward, as the 2 of wands presented them with a decision, and in doing so, the 3 of wands sees them waiting to receive all of the accolades and rewards for their bravery. Manifestation means breaking through, and breaking free.. That tough decision that must be made? Let go of your comfort zone.. Take the leap.. So much more awaits. 

Happy healing, my sacred beings ~

© Cindy Anneh-bu 2016.


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New moon in Aquarius reading ✨✨ January 2017 – Higher heights in karmic love. Spiritual detachment & 5th dimensional attachment. 


The new moon in Aquarius gifts us with the opportunity to have a complete soul revival. The Aquarian, is the visionary, the one who can see into your soul & tell you all of your darknesses, this is why this sign is usually naturally gifted in astrology.

Now, This energy asks that you do the same.. The judgement card speaks of the ultimate call, the call to ourselves. Yes, eventually, inevitably, we have to answer to the divine, but before we do, our higher self pulls us up & asks us to take a look at the rawness of our journey. How did we get to this point here? Likely, there has been some cyclical behaviour occurring, maybe we reach a point now where we can identify that these situations we are experiencing, are not new, but have actually been shown to us before. There is no greater time for change than now, Aquarius comes to challenge the status quo, to change what has ‘always been’, into – what shall be, & what shall exist in accordance To a higher dimensional vibration.

judgement

Healing comes when we go through painful experiences that shatter our egos- looking back at the past will not allow you to see the beauty of what these experiences brought you. If you are to look back at this time, then it should be to retrieve some understanding, & not to allow your perspective to be stolen from the truth. Gather your thoughts. & then rearrange them. The 5 of cups suggests that this pain will bring you balance, a new emotional beginning, the likes of which you have never seen.

Both the mother & father wound are called into question as this new moon seeks primarily to shatter negative family karma. What will you do differently for this next generation? What relationship model no longer serves you? Maybe it is time to create your own family, & intuitively, you know that this will require a shamanic type of change.

Aquarians are known to be the sign of detachment. To the point that some people even believe that Aquarians are heartless, or cold. This could not be further from the truth. Rather, Aquarians know that they have a grand, divine mission on this earth. They are actually one of the only signs who are born already knowing this, & do not have to be broken into the path of service.

The Aquarius energy, or archetype, will not let over emotionalism, or chaotic relationships deter them from completing this mission. No matter how much they care about someone, or something, if this situation is draining to them, then they will detach in record timing.

This new moon asks of you to do the same. A relationship ended in turmoil & upheaval? Okay. Mourn.. But don’t you dare forget to use all of the ingredients received in the form of the knowledge that it brought you, to heal, to serve, to teach. Nothing that you experience is in vain.

Non attachment, is the root to 5th dimensional living. You must know that you are so attached to everything, that there is no need for further attachment. Everything that you need, exists. Everything that you require, is in you. You are not without. Therefore, detachment, is simply a means of existing.

© Cindy Anneh-bu 2016.

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What is the twin flame mission? The sacred lover..

sacred love.jpg

What is a twin flame?Many people say that a twin flame is the other half of your soul – but I do not subscribe to this theory, because I do not believe that any soul is incomplete. Rather, a twin flame is a fellow healer who shares the same energetic vibration with you. Usually, one twin will incarnate into a masculine essence, and be extremely masculine (hyper masculine), whilst the other embodiment, will incarnate into a feminine essence, and be extremely feminine, to the point of imbalance.

The reason for this is because, the objective of both of these individuals is to find and gain balance between their two polar energies.
They are both heaven and hell. They are both light and dark. They are simultaneously feminine, AND masculine – all at the same time. This is what makes them so unique. This is the energy of God. God is not one, or the other, for God is all – creation (the masculine, and the feminine, which gives birth to the third energy, (the holy trinity).

The feminine aspect of these individuals is their ability to interpret information by tapping into their intuition, effortlessly, and their high levels of creative ability. The masculine aspect of them, is all in their analytical, and intellectual thought pattern. When they discover through one another how to harmonise the two, they can become a real force to be reckoned with.

What happens after you have met your twin flame? In the short time after you have met your twin flame, your life will appear as if it is falling apart, or is if you are losing control of things. And this is because, likely – you are. Your twin flame is sent to rearrange your life in a way that will almost cause it, and yourself to be unrecognisable. Likely, at the time that you met your twin, you were alive, but not really living – almost in a sea of motionless. However, when the awakening of meeting your twin begins, you will be forced to deal with many of the things that you have been unwilling to look into. This is what the shattering of your illusions, ego self, belief systems, and thought patterns looks and feels like.

How will you know if you have met your twin flame?The ancestral karma will be so ripe in the both of you, you will not question that your family history or cultural/societal beliefs have MUCH to do with this.This individual will definitely mimic the side of the family karma that you must heal.

Does everybody have a twin flame?

No… Not everyday does. But this is okay. Trust me, this is not some fairy tale love story that sets ‘twins’ apart as some sort of idealised love that no one can ever attain. Not everybody has a twin flame, because not everybody needs a twin flame. Generally, most people can either find their own balance energetically, go on to do so at some point in their adult lives, or are raised already having this balance instilled inside of them, do not have as much generational baggage, or do not have a mission that is dedicated towards transmutation, and awakening of the masses. There are certain life path numbers, astrological placements, family lineages, and cultural dynamics that are chosen to be apart of the twin flame mission – for a specific purpose. Let’s just put it this way, if we were in the ancient days, all twin flames would be selected at a very young age to be trained as priests, or monks, or the local witch doctors(medicine men). They stand apart. Though they spend many years of their life not truly believing this..

Be cautious of teachers who show you tips on how to attract your twin flame, or videos that claim to do the same. There is no way to ‘attract’ your twin flame.  Your twin flame shows up in your life exactly when they are supposed to show up, at the right time that you both require the specific lessons that are to be taught. You do not attract them through some hocus pocus meditation. You are on the same vibration as them. So, if you wish to attract them, become attractive to yourself. If you are suffering with self esteem issues, and money issues, then your twin is likely also dealing with the same, and may not be in the best frame of mind or energy to unite. That is just the way that it is. You focus on yourself, and work on your building? And they will be doing the same..

Yes it is a beautiful love, but it is purposeful, just as much as it can be romantic. We must not forget the PURPOSE. This is bigger than us. This is all about transmutation. Not only for us, but also so that we may teach the collective how to do the same. There is much toxicity and negative karmic debris in the genetic line of twin flames, and often, they are on their last life times here, and must correct a lot, if not all of this before their final ascension, (should they choose not to re/incarnate as advanced healers, or way showers once more).Twin flames are about the mission.. The mission of unconditional love, of healing the masses, of healing themselves, of coming into the perfect place, position, and energetic alignment necessary to carry out their great work.They are angels on earth – but they come with their own set of Devils.- Cindy Anneh-bu.”

Copyright Cindy Anneh-bu 2016 ©Taken from my up coming twin flame based book.
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Full moon in Cancer January 12th 2016; The mother/father wound, Revisiting childhood themes, nostalgia, and creativity.

moon-in-cancerFull moon in Cancer January 12th.

Numerological calculation – 12th – (1) – New beginnings, creativity, enthusiasm, directness, inspiration, energetic charge, (2) – Balance, co-ordination, co-operation, the marriage of opposing aspects of self, (1+2 =3) – Creativity, expression, channeling, communication.
Full moons naturally shine a light on our deepest & darkest subconscious, but being in the sign of Cancer? This time? There is an even greater emphasis on that which dwells within the shadows.

Arguably, one of the most sensitive signs in the zodiac, Cancers are ruled by their desire to feel loved, accepted, wanted & needed. A Primal necessity & desire for us all – though many of us wouldn’t dare to admit it!

Vulnerability is our Achilles heal W/ this full moon, & we are shown areas of our lives where we may still be operating from a limited, intimidated child like version of ourselves.
Inner child wounds are very common for those W/ this sign in their chart, & many of us will be revisiting these childhood themes through dreams, or soul mate triggering.
It is time to make peace W/ our fears of abandonment, & our feelings of loneliness, for they are only perpetuated when we continuously abandon ourselves.

Watery signs tend to wreak havoc on our creative nature, albeit subliminally. The interpretation of so much energy, from the past, and from our subconscious always inspires us to wish to express ourselves in some form of another. You may find yourself highly inspired at this time, remembering childhood dreams, passions, and talents that once brought you to your knees with excitement. If you have neglected any of these passions, because you felt as if you lost touch with this intimate nature of your childhood self, then it is time to retrieve what was lost. Drawing on emotional experiences, and just how far you have come will provide you with vast new material to work with, to work through, and to work from. Do not hold back. Be dreamy, and imaginative as you conjure the life that you wish to paint for yourself now.

What stories from your childhood do you continuously tell yourself? & play out because you are too fearful of being anything more than you are. You are asked to closely look at the mother wound/the father wound, stories from your past & your family to identify any burden you carry now.
Your past life karma is closely associated w/ the karma of your parents. Understand their own limitations, so that you can transcend yours.
It is time to spread your wings, proverbially & physically & stop pressing on old wounds.
Your inner child demands & deserves the type of freedom, only you can provide.

We are facing ourselves in a major way with the full moon in CANCER…
Being a water sign, there is a clear vision of our deepest fears, thoughts, feelings, and emotions…
Many of us will be wishing to reconcile with our family+our loved ones+ there is a lot of healing in regards to those templates this week.

It is time to come together.. In more ways than one.. Lost soul fragments are being retrieved, and falling into place…

Happy healing, my sacred beings ~

© Cindy Anneh-bu 2016.

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Stepping out into the real world.

It is a funny thing – to have been alive for so long, yet not truly living. 

I think of my previous relationship – how scary & suffocating it is that I almost lost myself in something that was so toxic & scary & detrimental for me. And the nightmares that I often have about still being back in that place.

It’s pretty painful & awkward; because sometimes when you are in a toxic relationship – whether energetically, emotionally, physically, or psychologically, you find yourself alone – without anybody to hold your hand, or help you to see the true detriment of your ways.

I find that when you are an ‘adult’ as such in a toxic relationship, especially if this relationship is non physically abusive, for the most part, everybody will just leave you to it.. And I do not know if I particularly blame them either.

Your friends & family will stick in a few words about how you may be acting differently, may have changed & how you probably are too good for this person, (whatever that means), but they will never understand the psychological implications behind it, the trauma bonding, the fact that it is not so much your conscious awareness that chooses to see you placed in this position, but rather your subconscious manifestations & projections of displacement..

Even when you break free from this type of entanglement – even when you try to soar & your feet literally lift up from the ground, you will still be clutched, & the tips of your toes will be tugged back downwards toward the ground, by the seemingly unbearable weight of sorrow, regret, loneliness, and guilt.

I call it – relationship based PTSD. Nobody ever fully knows how deeply you wound yourself into this relationship. Because they do not recognise how far your inner child’s PTSD stretches, or how far co-dependency wove itself to be an intrinsic part of your psyche.

So, you float on – you try to live your life again. Friends congratulate you about how much happier you are seeming these days, how much brighter your smile is, & whilst it is all true, it does not take away from the fact that you are still, several months later, shaken by the entire encounter – and still just trying to find your self. Claw yourself – from the rubble of the parts of you that are left, un/given to the dependent dynamics of the former relationship.

Who are you now? You find yourself asking. You are no longer the girl who relies on somebody else for everything, even company; so honestly, who are you now?

The beauty of this question is; this is your answer to decide. You are literally in the process of creation & can become anything that you would like to become. The you that would make your childhood you most proud.

You just have to plunge yourself into the darkness from time to time – to fully make sense of why this situation had to happen to you, because trust me, there IS a reason.

And you will find your flow at the moment, though you may be much the headless chicken now — you will find your know how, after slipping up & tripping & getting it wrong oh maybe a few hundred times!

Just take your time. Nobody has to understand it, but you.

Nobody else endured it, but you.
Seek Cindy 2016 ©
To book an appointment with me to discuss the type of toxic entrapment mentioned here, or the recovery associated with it, please send an email to cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk with the tag line – ‘help’.

New Moon in Virgo; September – Solar eclipse; a glimpse – into the darkness, via the light. 


The new moon in Virgo arrives to us, to deliver us the message of productivity, strategy, and purposefulness. This is, the full understanding of what we are to accomplish on our path, what is it that is expected of us at this time, and HOW it is that we are going to achieve our necessary goals.

It is not nearly enough to know your purpose in this world, or what pulls you toward your passions, but one must have a direct, and fairly scripted idea of how they are going to accomplish all of their ambitions, with practicality, and realistic goals.

It is time to put your money where your mouth is. You know that you are capable, everybody knows that you are capable, but what are you going to do about it?

Are you waking up early enough in the day to get all of the tasks in your planner done? Do you even have a planner? Do you have a clear structure, and do you have a pathway that you can enter to bring you to where you need to go?

Do you have that individual to design your website? Do you have the necessary materials to publish your book? Have you researched your business field? Do you have the contact of a good provider? Do you know how to use Final Cut Pro? 

All of the practical processes that you require to further your career and ambitions at this time are called into question. 

This is no longer a time for emotional overflow, or emotional entrapment. We are not suppressing our emotions, or denying their importance, we are simply recognising that financial longevity and security is an absolutely fundamental aspect of healing, liberation, and independence consciousness. 

We have done so much work with the divine feminine, and feminine energy, we have explored her in her entirety, but it is the masculine energy – of thoughtfulness, honing the ability to use mental strength resilience, and focus to over come even the biggest hurdles, that will take us toward the process of creation. 

Ideas hold no value//weight.

It is the implementation of these ideas into action, and profit that holds value//weight.

Now is the time for action, and deligence. Your emotions are powerful, and potent IF channelled into constructive passion, if not given any direction, they run the risk of running your life, and running you into the ground. 

The Integration, of ones spiritual purpose, and financial accomplishments are being married with this new moon. It is possible for one to be both of service, and to be serviced, all at the same time.

The perpetual balance, 

Give and take – 

What it means to be at the right place, at the right time. Working with divine timing, by manipulating your own time in the right ways.

Your earthly responsibilities are called into focus. A glimpse into the darkness, means a glimpse into the psyche, where we will find ideas, philosophies, and unorthodox inventions, based on our own personal experiences, however, it is the process of creating light from our darkness, and the confines of our subconscious, that creates the genius template. Adding structure to your madness. A rhyme and a rhythm, to your eccentricities. This takes you from being the crazy bum on the street, shouting about the apocalypse, to Richard Branson, in his office, who took a crazy idea, structured it, and gave birth to a self regulating multi ranking franchise. 

This calls for the building stage. Relinquishing victim consciousness and dependency, means we are ready to be fighters for ourselves. Nobody else is going to do this, nobody else is going to go the full journey for us, but us.

It is only self dependency that grants true freedom from emotional entrapment – feeling helpless, feeling like we cannot trust ourselves to JUST be enough. 

Which brings me to the lovers card. I only chose to pick one card for this new moon reading, as I feel that intuitively, many of us already know exactly what is going on. 


This card symbolises to us, the process of falling in love with ourselves, and creating a third party energy through ourselves. The new moon periodically is a time of birthing something new, and allowing seeds to be harvested into something we wish to have manifest. The lovers represents the merging, integration, and harmonisation of two opposing aspects – how can we use all experiences, even those negative to keep us on track on our paths? How can we marry our creativity, with our practicality, to ensure that we do not inherit ‘scattered’ brain, or excessive, aimless day dreaming like many creatives do.

Are we still dependent upon love to save us? Do we still fall apart when our love lives go array because we have nothing left to be passionate about?

This is the energy of inspiration; there is nothing more inspirational than love, and the eternal dance between loss, and gain. Everything must be used up in the journey to success. Nothing is to go to waste, we must take all with us – the good, and the bad. 
Happy healing my sacred beings ~ 

© Seek Cindy 2016

The fallacy of healing.

healing

 

For those of us who have endured any type of deeply entrenched psychological, physical, emotional, or energetic trauma at some point in our lives, it is fair to say that we will always be ‘altered’ in some way. To be altered does not necessarily mean to remain faulty, as we are sometimes perceived as, as we battle with the after effects of trauma; depression, anxiety, insomnia, reclusiveness, in-expression, or otherwise.

To always be altered simply means that we will belong to a different category of people throughout our lives. A category of people who are perhaps more careful with their words, savour experiences a little longer, love a little harder, and bruise a little easier. But this should not always be looked at as an ailment. So, we are highly observant, so, we may  be a little too highly observant, and we may actually make mountains out of mole hills sometimes for the way that we search so deeply into things.

Can it not be said that we are gifted with divine vision? The ability to pick the ordinary  apart, and in it find something rather extraordinary? Well, truth be told, we are never exactly going to be normal, no matter how hard we try, no matter how many smiles we adorn, no matter how many normal people we can fool within a set time frame..

At the end of the day, once we return to our place of solitude, we will once again be these super sensitive souls, who hold on to our analytical, and intellectual ability as if our life depends on it. Likely, we have spent a lot of time alone, whether intentionally, or unintentionally, and we are rather attached to the way that things exist within our minds, and the perceptions that we hold about the way that the world exists.

This can be our ally, providing us with deep, introspective, philosophical, and highly perceptive insight into life’s greatest mysteries, but it can also render us too rigid, unwilling to accept new information that comes our way, or judging new situations, by old outcomes, and experiences.

I do not say that we cannot heal. However, I say  that healing can be difficult unless we are willing to release some of the perceptions that we have locked and bolted tightly away within our minds. For instance, the perception that somebody will always hurt us, or that somebody is always trying to insult, offend or undermine us.

Sure, perhaps for a lot of our lives, whilst we have shrunk ourselves, and played the victim, indeed others have latched on to this and exploited our lack of self esteem, but things do not always have to be this way. Not everything that somebody says is somehow intended to bring you down, or disarm you in some way.

Learn to separate constructive criticism, and caring advice, from belittling, and manipulation. However, if you have a gut instinct, (and not just an ego instinct), go with it.

It has taken me a long time to arrive at a place where I can let go of some of my anger, suspicion, and hostility, and hear what others around me have to say, truly HEARING them, and not just listening to the bits and pieces that I am searching for. If i recognise within myself an insatiable spirit, that just wants to be right, or just wants to be wounded, I separate myself from the conversation, and the situation, and give myself some time to view things from all perspectives.

However, some people may say that because I can still be triggered in old ways, I have not fully healed. And is this true?

Well, yes, and no..

In actual fact, I conceive that I have healed because I have a fully developed understanding, and acknowledgment of my shadow self – the part of myself that craves attachment to pain, and drama.. I am able to recognise almost instantaneously when I am acting from a place of the shadow, and pull myself back from this, and approach things from a different angle, or, if worst comes to worst, I am not afraid of damage control – being open, and honest about where I went wrong, and expressing my apologies. It is important to be honest when we make mistakes, or express moods, and  outbursts that can be energetically draining to others.

However, I view healing as something of a journey, rather than a destination, as I am constantly learning, unlearning, relearning, programming, and de programming parts of myself. Every day that passes me by, I learn more about myself. Honestly, especially within the past few days, I almost feel as if everyday is a quickening, a chance for redemption, and sweet revelation, and it is.

You cannot run away from the path of healing. Even when you claim to be fully healed, you will learn next week of something that still triggers you, of something that you have not yet fully dealt with, of something that you have carried through your childhood memories with you. The fallacy of healing is that it happens all at once, because the truth is, it does not.

Healing is truly a journey, and I do not believe that you ever stop unravelling parts of yourself in a quest to retrieve your lost soul fragments, and neither should you feel like any less of a warrior because you are not emotionally dead inside.

Our deepest sensitivities are our super powers. They are what grant us the ability to produce the potent art that we do, to create the love stories that only we could know.

Edgar Allen Poe was severely depressed, he would also go down as one of the greatest, and most intricate poets in history..

It is no secret that Carl Jung explored so deeply the concept of the shadow self, and owning one’s darkness, so could it be that he too fell into the same fate that plagues so many great, and wondrous minds?

There is something to be said about creative talent, and psychological affliction, and this is not me in anyway whatsoever glorifying mental illness. Because to be afflicted with the spirits of self doubt, negative thoughts, and traumatic memories is absolutely no gift. But, it is what is within us, even beyond all of our pain and suffering that is a gift.

I cannot say for certain what came first, the illness, or the passion – but I can say that in a cruel twist of fate, so cliche of the divine nature of balance, the two are intrinsically linked. And we have to do what we have to do. We cannot say that we wish to shut our eyes, and no longer receive intuition, inspiration, or beauty, so how can we say that we will away the things that push us to create, to excel, to destroy, and to become?

Do not allow people to make you feel guilty for mourning. You may experience your best day today, and crash once again tomorrow, this does not mean that you are not healing – this simply means that you are collapsing into your self, learning more about yourself, and how to make peace with your psyche. It is the struggle up against yourself to listen to your demons, being ever so compassionate with them, asking them, ‘What is it that you want now?’

Happy healing my sacred beings ~

To contact me to receive a reading, or some type of therapeutic support, email me via cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk to discuss consultations.

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