The fallacy of healing.

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For those of us who have endured any type of deeply entrenched psychological, physical, emotional, or energetic trauma at some point in our lives, it is fair to say that we will always be ‘altered’ in some way. To be altered does not necessarily mean to remain faulty, as we are sometimes perceived as, as we battle with the after effects of trauma; depression, anxiety, insomnia, reclusiveness, in-expression, or otherwise.

To always be altered simply means that we will belong to a different category of people throughout our lives. A category of people who are perhaps more careful with their words, savour experiences a little longer, love a little harder, and bruise a little easier. But this should not always be looked at as an ailment. So, we are highly observant, so, we may  be a little too highly observant, and we may actually make mountains out of mole hills sometimes for the way that we search so deeply into things.

Can it not be said that we are gifted with divine vision? The ability to pick the ordinary  apart, and in it find something rather extraordinary? Well, truth be told, we are never exactly going to be normal, no matter how hard we try, no matter how many smiles we adorn, no matter how many normal people we can fool within a set time frame..

At the end of the day, once we return to our place of solitude, we will once again be these super sensitive souls, who hold on to our analytical, and intellectual ability as if our life depends on it. Likely, we have spent a lot of time alone, whether intentionally, or unintentionally, and we are rather attached to the way that things exist within our minds, and the perceptions that we hold about the way that the world exists.

This can be our ally, providing us with deep, introspective, philosophical, and highly perceptive insight into life’s greatest mysteries, but it can also render us too rigid, unwilling to accept new information that comes our way, or judging new situations, by old outcomes, and experiences.

I do not say that we cannot heal. However, I say  that healing can be difficult unless we are willing to release some of the perceptions that we have locked and bolted tightly away within our minds. For instance, the perception that somebody will always hurt us, or that somebody is always trying to insult, offend or undermine us.

Sure, perhaps for a lot of our lives, whilst we have shrunk ourselves, and played the victim, indeed others have latched on to this and exploited our lack of self esteem, but things do not always have to be this way. Not everything that somebody says is somehow intended to bring you down, or disarm you in some way.

Learn to separate constructive criticism, and caring advice, from belittling, and manipulation. However, if you have a gut instinct, (and not just an ego instinct), go with it.

It has taken me a long time to arrive at a place where I can let go of some of my anger, suspicion, and hostility, and hear what others around me have to say, truly HEARING them, and not just listening to the bits and pieces that I am searching for. If i recognise within myself an insatiable spirit, that just wants to be right, or just wants to be wounded, I separate myself from the conversation, and the situation, and give myself some time to view things from all perspectives.

However, some people may say that because I can still be triggered in old ways, I have not fully healed. And is this true?

Well, yes, and no..

In actual fact, I conceive that I have healed because I have a fully developed understanding, and acknowledgment of my shadow self – the part of myself that craves attachment to pain, and drama.. I am able to recognise almost instantaneously when I am acting from a place of the shadow, and pull myself back from this, and approach things from a different angle, or, if worst comes to worst, I am not afraid of damage control – being open, and honest about where I went wrong, and expressing my apologies. It is important to be honest when we make mistakes, or express moods, and  outbursts that can be energetically draining to others.

However, I view healing as something of a journey, rather than a destination, as I am constantly learning, unlearning, relearning, programming, and de programming parts of myself. Every day that passes me by, I learn more about myself. Honestly, especially within the past few days, I almost feel as if everyday is a quickening, a chance for redemption, and sweet revelation, and it is.

You cannot run away from the path of healing. Even when you claim to be fully healed, you will learn next week of something that still triggers you, of something that you have not yet fully dealt with, of something that you have carried through your childhood memories with you. The fallacy of healing is that it happens all at once, because the truth is, it does not.

Healing is truly a journey, and I do not believe that you ever stop unravelling parts of yourself in a quest to retrieve your lost soul fragments, and neither should you feel like any less of a warrior because you are not emotionally dead inside.

Our deepest sensitivities are our super powers. They are what grant us the ability to produce the potent art that we do, to create the love stories that only we could know.

Edgar Allen Poe was severely depressed, he would also go down as one of the greatest, and most intricate poets in history..

It is no secret that Carl Jung explored so deeply the concept of the shadow self, and owning one’s darkness, so could it be that he too fell into the same fate that plagues so many great, and wondrous minds?

There is something to be said about creative talent, and psychological affliction, and this is not me in anyway whatsoever glorifying mental illness. Because to be afflicted with the spirits of self doubt, negative thoughts, and traumatic memories is absolutely no gift. But, it is what is within us, even beyond all of our pain and suffering that is a gift.

I cannot say for certain what came first, the illness, or the passion – but I can say that in a cruel twist of fate, so cliche of the divine nature of balance, the two are intrinsically linked. And we have to do what we have to do. We cannot say that we wish to shut our eyes, and no longer receive intuition, inspiration, or beauty, so how can we say that we will away the things that push us to create, to excel, to destroy, and to become?

Do not allow people to make you feel guilty for mourning. You may experience your best day today, and crash once again tomorrow, this does not mean that you are not healing – this simply means that you are collapsing into your self, learning more about yourself, and how to make peace with your psyche. It is the struggle up against yourself to listen to your demons, being ever so compassionate with them, asking them, ‘What is it that you want now?’

Happy healing my sacred beings ~

To contact me to receive a reading, or some type of therapeutic support, email me via cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk to discuss consultations.

Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

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© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

 

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Full Moon in Scorpio April 22nd; Home, Identity, Transition, and deep soul healing.

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Hello once again, my darlings. I am back again to provide you with the energy forecast for this week’s full moon in Scorpio, and wow has it been a tumultuous time!

Now, for those of you who do not know, Scorpio is actually one of the most psychic signs of our zodiac, many people actually call Pisces the most psychic/intuitive, but from my experience Scorpio really does just have that edge on others. The reason for this, is sensitivity. Scorpio’s are HIGHLY likely to be empaths, and as we know, an empaths ability to intuit, and channel information is directly related to their level of sensitivity, and their ever open and expansive heart chakra, so if you are feeling particularly sensitive right now, then do not judge yourself for this. Like I always say, sit with the feeling. Do not feel the compulsion to become it. Do not fixate on it. Listen to what it is trying to tell you.

As if the full moon in itself wasn’t intense enough all on its own, we have the arrival of Scorpios, deep, and dark energies to make us take a hardened look at ourselves, most likely, at our shadow selves. The questions that we spend so much of our time, and our lives escaping, are brought right up to the surface with this week’s full moon.

Who is the shadow self? How was it born? And most importantly, WHEN was it born..

This takes us on a spiritual, and internal journey back deep into the self, so deeply, that we penetrate right through the self, and arrive in-front of those who came before us. Our parents. And our karmic and genetic lineages. Yes, when I say that this full moon is all about home, I am referring to the first home that any of us ever knew. The home, that constituted of our families.

The shadow self is actually born of the imprints, and the programming that we adopt from our parents – their shadow selves, and this is how generational or karmic trauma (debt), is carried on, from generation, to generation, something that I like to call, an inter generational curse. These negative habits, or attributes shall  I say are inherited by the individual subconsciously, and allowed to manifest/stew for a remarkable number of years.

Now, in order for deep soul healing to occur, (which is actually the intended path of all Scorpio’s – should they allow it), one has to understand the roots, and the depths of their pain, so yes, this week has likely been an incredibly emotional one, and more than likely, you would have been triggered in some ways, to face your worst fears.  Whether this is abandonment, lack of reciprocation in love, or losing something of high value to you.

Childhood homes are a pretty specific theme influencing especially sensitive souls as it stands. The theme of homes in general ties into us being one with ourselves, our sense of belonging, and feeling comforted, and secure. When we talk of ‘home’, we do not mean a house, or a specific building of which we reside. We are actually talking about a place of habitual comfort, resonance, peace, happiness, and warmth. These are all of the things that this full moon is pushing us to explore, and experience.

Currently as it stands, we are all on the brink of so much change, and whilst we are in times of turmoil, we are also in times of deep, intense healing. This is the reason why so many twin flames, empaths, and light workers have incarnated at this time, and have come to us in thousands, specifically born in the 80’s, and the 90’s. The most high, the universe, source, the grand design, whatever you wish to call this omnipotent force, wanted to once again establish some balance.

Years of wars, oppression, and neglect have devastatingly tipped the scales, and we all arrive at this time, to once again bring resolution, healing, and understanding.

For some of us, this theme of coming home, will actually manifest itself physically, and alot of us will actually be experiencing physical moves over the next few weeks, or even months. I can assure you, if this applies to you, then the place that you are moving to, is calling you to settle, whilst the place that you are leaving, is metaphoric of your transition, and your progression, even though it may not initially appear that way.

On an emotional, psychological, and spiritual level, MUCH move, and change is also occurring. You may not necessarily recognise your healing, because it may arrive in a jagged form. One day, you may feel on top of the world, the next day, you may find yourself once again battling things that you thought you had buried, or that you thought no longer held you in captivity. Be patient with you. Healing is a process, a journey, and not an indefinite location.

Scorpio is ruler of the underworld, symbolising, death, rebirth, and transformation. This means, that in order for any healing, and change to take place, we most certainly HAVE to visit the underworld, (the shadow self), the dark thoughts, the dark feelings, and the things that we are most ashamed of. Consider the analogy, seeds grow best in the darkest compost. This is exactly the same with us. Our darkest places offer us the most answers, the chances to understand ourselves, and reconnect with our shadow selves, our inner child, and finally, begin to progressively, and gradually shift our conscious state of awareness.

This does not mean that our wounds, and our triggers will immediately vanish, and no longer exist. Rather, it means that we will become aware of them, present with them, and will not allow them so easily to sway us. We must understand with this full moon, that our emotions, even the darkest ones, are apart of us, but they are NOT us, and we need to stop being conjoined with our pain in this way. It is not so defining. The only thing that defines us, is US.

One of the things that Scorpio’s struggle with, is their identity in the eyes of others. So in this up coming week, and the weeks before us, another theme we will have been battling, is how we appear to those outside of ourselves, particularly lovers. Yes, Scorpio’s are very insecure, so I ask you, at this time, not to focus on how the world sees you, but to focus on the image of yourself that you project, in order to be seen.

You are unconsciously, and subconsciously, at every moment of your life creating your reality. You do not know the concrete truth. You do not know what others, are thinking, feeling, or planning. Even, we the empath, may experience flashes of insight, and internal intuition about the intentions, and feelings of others, however, we can easily be perverted by our own perversions, and distortions of the truth.

The insecure empath is still paranoid, and therefore, their gift, is neither accurate, nor healing.

The full moon occurring on the 22nd, is also no coincidence in this quest for deep soul healing. Let us consult numerology. Those who hold this life path, are INCREDIBLY sensitive, and their earthly missions are tied into this sensitivity. How they may transmute their pain into strengths, and wisdom, and not let it defeat them – because, if they were to let it defeat them, it would swallow them whole.

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Look at your parents. What was their love story? Are you adopting this to be your own? Even if it does not need to be. Are you still carrying the wounds of your mother? Of your father? And allowing this to poison your relationships today? Please. If you are to let anything die in this time, let it be your past relationships. No matter how painful, disgraceful, or shameful, let them go, let them die. Stop allowing them to define you. Stop using them to define your present love experiences. Stop poisoning your chances for happiness, by holding onto all of this trauma. It is time now, to rise, for us to re-write.

The number 2, is all about partnership, harmony, the balance of the masculine, and the feminine, so doubled, we are really being asked to centre ourselves. How can you balance your masculine with your feminine, if you still hold anger towards men? If you still hold bitterness towards women? This will manifest to you projecting trauma within yourself, dependent on the energetic embodiment that you are resisting.

Alot of us, since the start of this year, would have been confronted with heart awakening situations. Anything from heart break, to triggering of our recurring patterns. Can you identify the link? The link that is you. The part that you play in your downfall. Do you create stories in your mind of ill love, and then sit back and watch them manifest, in pain, in pity? How thick is your pain body? These are all of the questions that we need to sit with in this time. The pain that you are experiencing, is not in vain. It is asking you to be compassionate with your inner child, it is asking you, to face yourself, once, and for all, and to stop running.

If Scorpio’s are naturally empathic, and highly sensitive, then why is it that so many Scorpio’s come across as narcissistic? Avoidant? Or emotionally unavailable?

The simple answer? A fear of being vulnerable. How many of us are terrified of vulnerability? Actually, this fear, causes more blockages, and pain, and destructive manifestations, than any actual discrepancies from romantic partners. Pain is painful. This we cannot deny. But why do we spend so much time resisting this pain? Is it pressing on an already existent core wound that says, we are not good enough? So, we run away from ourselves. We run to lovers. We run to others. We want PROOF they we are good enough, that we are NOT broken, though our actions, and our thoughts, say otherwise.

Why do so many people turn to addictions? Buy bottles of spirits when their heart has been broken? Jump from relationship, to relationship for fear of being alone? Because they do not want to come home to themselves. Because they know that nobody will be home.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. One step at a time. The journey of coming home to you is difficult, especially if you’ve been absent for a while. Heart chakra awakening is so shaky.. One moment you’re elated, in a bubble of love, the next, your subconscious fears come a knocking again. This is okay. This is uncovering, layers, upon layers. Similar, but different from desensitisation. If you keep uncovering, and experiencing these same wounds, after a while, they will no longer feel so alien to you. You will come to understand them, and learn how to nourish them. Stay with yourself in that moment. ESPECIALLY in that moment. Do not judge yourself for the pain, or doubt that is coming back up. This is YEARS of pain, YEARS of trauma, GENERATIONS of blockages. The pain is not just your own. It belongs to your matriarchal line, your patriarchal line, and you are doing everybody a great service. Let that give you motivation, motivation to be so bold in this pain..It is okay.

Cast your mind back to the first time somebody made you feel less than. I promise you, they felt less than too. It is a sick curse that gets passed on, and now, you can break that chain. Everybody is in pain. Do not feel broken, wronged, or victimised. The ones who hurt you, are mirrors of their own hurt, irresponsibility, and inability to come home to their own selves. I tell you, this journey is only for the brave..

If your immediate response/reaction is pain/neglect/abandonment consciousness, then ask yourself, are my feelings rational, or irrational? Is this me talking? Or, are these the words/thoughts of my society, of my culture, of social media. The whispers of false gratification, superficiality, and egotism.

Women, feeling accomplished, and worthy if they have a boyfriend, this is an age old template, that may cause you, a woman, to feel somehow less than, if your heart is broken by a lover. You may consider, ‘Am I not worthy like these other women?’. Please, do not buy into this facade. Come home to YOU. Stop seeking outside for answers.

Men, feeling accomplished, masculine, defined, when they have a selection of partners to choose from, that may cause you, a man, to feel somehow less than, if you feel that you are vulnerable to a woman, or that a woman, is taking advantage of you. You may consider, ‘I am the one who needs to be in control here. I am the one who needs to be a man. Am I not doing this correctly? Do people not respect me?’. Please, do not buy into this social facade. Come home to YOU. Stop watching the rest of the world, stop categorising.

Tarot reading.

full moon in scorpio

Main theme – Six of swords, surrounding cards, Death, The moon, The chariot, The King of cups.

The main theme here, is everything that I discussed in the beginning of this article. I usually do not like to pull the cards until I have intuitively written what I have felt, just to exercise my own intuition, without having to rely on the cards as a prop.

So, the six of cards, is all about the journey of healing, over water, (which relates to emotions, particularly feminine emotions). This is about the journey to calmer waters, after a tumultuous period, and usually does signify that we have some support, and company on our journeys. I feel that this is universal support, and divine guidance. So if you find yourself feeling particularly alone at this time, then remind yourself of these words. You are not alone right now. This is happening on a grand scale. And you are being supported IMMENSELY at this time, even when you choose not to see it.

We are really supported in these energies by the presence of the death card. Now, this card is all about transformation, isn’t this so funnily accurate? The death of the old self, as we transition, into a lighter, more aware sense of ourselves. Death, inevitably brings mourning, but we are advised to know that this is not our final stop, and there is much more ahead of us. We cannot afford to get caught up in this transitory period, we are moving, flowing, and this, we must embrace.

The moon, speaks of feminine energies, whilst the king of cups, is a balanced masculine energy. Once again, this relates to our internal power struggles, and how they manifest themselves in our romantic relationships. Green, is representative of the heart chakra, so the masculine must really take a look at him, or herself at this time, and all of the wounds and blockages that have been accumulated over time.

The moon arrives to intensify this healing period, and to bring to light hidden, more feminine aspects, enabling us to sit with our pain this time, and not avoid it, in the ways in which we may have in the past. This is a fantastic juxtaposition, showing that this particular healing period is well rounded, as opposed to other times, we may have focused on minute portions of our pain. Now, we are being asked to consider the entire picture.

The chariot, is our go, go, go button. Once we know ourselves, and we realise how we have been self sabotaging, we create a clear path of healing for us to walk on, and we are told to look forward, to be direct, to be clear, and not to get hung up on the past. Whether this be our romantic past, or the past of our parents, or even their parents. This journey, is about constantly looking forward. We are living in babylon – literally, and the only thing that will save you, is to be you. Not what has been done to you. Not what others perceive you to be. Not what others think is correct. Not what society says needs to be done.

The chariot says, you are strong, you are bold, you are a powerful driving force. You have just lost your way a little, you have just been deceived alot. But now, slowly, gradually, you are leaving things behind on this journey, so your chariot becomes lighter, so your journey, becomes faster.

A very symbolic aspect of this particular full moon, I felt was the death of legendary artist, Prince. Not only was he born on the 7th day, but he was the life path 9, which represents completion, whilst the 7th, represents perfection. I ask us all to take comfort, in our symbol, (pun intended), of the journey that awaits us. Perfection, completion, and resolution, all in tandem with death.

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Happy healing my angels – I am with you all at this time, in faith, and in light,  but especially, in dark.

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To book your own personalised/private reading with me..Just send me an email at cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk and I will be yours in a flash! Readings can be received via email, skype, or face to face for those living in the area of London.

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Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

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E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

Father’s cot.

fathers cot.jpg

Afbeelding Albert Neuhuys – Watching father work

Time is always ticking inside of my mind.
I do not remember a time, when i was sound.
Maybe in childhood, definitely not adolescence,
the last time that i was present,
not prone to self negligence.
Before all of the strenuous, tumultuous lessons,
visions of love, and trust, rolling in the dust.
Is it not too much to ask for something that is non reminiscent of love?
Last night, i had a dream of my father, through muffled whispers,
I told him..You hurt us, you deserted us, and now I am perpetually nervous,
anxious,
hyper sensitive,
wondering,
does this man love me so?
Will he too go?
Will we never ever get to grow?
Will i never ever know, is the fault mine,
or is he the very foe?
And he too,
and not to forget him from last year?
How long?
Before I call them all a villain, perhaps the villain lies within myself,
my own hell,
the world that i created through my father, i said to myself,
if he loveth me not, then why should any other of his kind not leave me to rot?

Fathers cot.

Cindy Anneh-bu

Forgive yourself once more; How making a mistake does not automatically signify regression.

I have found that on the journey of healing, and self progression, a lot of us tend to be very hard on ourselves, and the choices that we make.

We often become so one dimensional in our desperate attempts to not repeat the same actions of the past, and to instantly view immediate results of our new found awareness, that we fail to be compassionate toward ourselves, and remember that we are still on a journey. We want to be better than we were before, we want to ensure that we do not allow ourselves to slip beneath our own radars, so we become self dictators in a sense, offering strict regimes to what is, and what is not, allowed.

We have to remember that the ultimate factor in the journey of healing is self compassion, self understanding, and self love. Where does self love fit in whilst you are constantly berating yourself for not doing something as perfectly as the ‘new you’, should do? The old you is not completely dead yet, do not forget that, so it is normal, expected even for you to experience low moments, moments where you may still be acting out of ego, unresolved pain, or wounds of the past.

What you absolutely must remember also, is that all of the actions associated with your lower self, that you are so desperate to get rid of, are actually all still coming from a place of unhealed pain, the scared, yet sacred inner child within you, who has already had their fair share of trauma, and blame, and does not need any more from you.

So, you may not be as perfect as the self declared righteous spiritual gurus on the internet. Who cares? Even they are not as righteous, and holier than thou as they appear to be.

I myself, have conjured quite the image of being the spiritual spokesperson, and I want to admit that, regardless of this, I do still battle my way through complex trauma flare ups, and I do still become increasingly overwhelmed in some public settings. The truth of the matter is, there is no quick fix.

And I try to offer this compassionate hand during my readings, yes, I say, ‘you do need to work on self love, and you do need to face issues of conflict from the past’, and this will be painful, and this will take some time, and no, this is not going to magically happen when you click your fingers.

The entire process of healing is a journey, and not a destination, so please do not be put off if you think that you are regressing, of if you still exhibit behaviours associated with a perceived lesser version of yourself.

Let us be honest, life gets tough, INCREDIBLY tough. Let us be honest, life gets painful, INCREDIBLY painful. This is something that most self help gurus will not tell you, for fear of losing potential clientèle. If they paint life as consistently hippy dippy, and eerily dreamy, you will want to purchase whatever anecdote that they are claiming offers this sort of lucid state.

But this is wrong. This is not what healing is about. Yes, there is going to be what you may consider, ‘regression’, for a large part of the journey, this is because nobody is  perfect, and these behaviours, and these wounds were not formed over night, so why on earth would they be banished over night?

We live in a hyper critical, and judgemental society, and social media does not exactly serve to make it any better. It is so easy to fall into a trap of comparing yourself to other’s, their lives, and their experiences, but one must remember, that everybody’s life consists of timelines – -timelines of ups, timelines of downs, and step, by step movement.

If your life has remained seemingly the same for years on end, then this is an issue that you need to identify with, within yourself. Because life does get down sometimes, ofcourse it does, and this is apart of the ebb, and flow, but life also gets up, and your life should be somewhat a mediumship, of these two states of existence.

Just because you witness somebody on social media who appears to have the exact life that you would desire, does not mean that this person has not been hit with their own set of downs in life, or that they will never meet a period of disappointment at another interval in their life.

It is not about how many times you fall, it is not about how difficult life gets, it is all about the ways in which you adjust to these difficulties that life presents.

If you suffer from a complex form of trauma, persistent depression, anxiety, or post traumatic stress disorder, then please be more than patient with yourself. Do not hold yourself up in accordance to society’s standards, and themes, most of society, is not suffering outwardly with these conditions, so of-course their achievements, abilities, and experiences will be vastly different from  your own.

Progress is a very intimate, and subjective experience.

 

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E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

 

The dark side of spirituality..

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Alot of meta-physicians, and energy workers tend to focus on ‘the light’, and ‘positivity’ within their brand of teaching, and often stray away from the topics that constitute to one needing to fathom light, and positivity.

In one particular brand of shamanism, a person cannot become an initiate until they have graduated from a certain level/depth of suffering.
In other spiritual philosophies, we call this, ‘the dark night of the soul’.

This is an intense period right before the break through of spiritual elevation and evolution, and can last any time in-between a few days, a few months, and a few years.
It all depends on the ability of the initiate to travel deeply into their own unconscious darkness, and retrieve the lost fragments of their soul.
In other words, to heal, to understand, and the revive an anecdote for healing, to be shared with the rest of the community.

I believe that i endured this same period when I was going through what i would call the most intense moments of my depression.
What felt like depression, and was actually described as such by Western medics, was in my now opinion, the offset of a triggering.
A spiritual triggering, that could no longer cope with my blatant disregard of my spiritual abilities.

I had also absorbed much of the energy of my community, family, and society, which was associated with stagnant, pollutant, and toxic energies.
All of this boiling to the brink inside of me caused something similar to a psychological break down.
I did not feel at home in my own body, for i was not.
I had company.
I was being invaded.

Some people may refer to this as dark spirits/dark energy.
And one night in-fact, when my cousin who is a regular attendant of the Christian church came to check how i was doing, she actually brought a ministry along with her, who did declare that i was suffering from some sort of ‘possession’.
Though not the type that you see perhaps on ‘The Amityville horror’, or, ‘The conjuring’..

 

 

Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

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E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

Childhood – Emotional/psychological abuse, and the effects that it leaves.

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Alot of people find emotional abuse, and psychological abuse, difficult to digest, or hard to diagnose. This is because, unlike physical abuse, there is no outward manifestation, or symptoms that can be directly traced back to a cause.

Because of this, sadly, so many children go from school to home, from home, to school, keeping within them the burdensome secret, of the double life, and the trauma that they must regularly endure.

This type  of abuse is so subtle, and insidious, that it is possible that even the child in question, does not realise that they are being abused, or harmed. They may simply perceive that they have a strict, parent, or parents, and therefore internalise the abuse to be a result of something that they are doing, and that they have done.

The internalisation of this blame is incredibly dangerous, because it can off-set a cycle of the child learning to blame themselves for abuse, (that is usually perpetuated later in life), and also to constantly try to modify their behaviours, and their impulses in order not to receive any further abuse.

‘One study has suggested that victims of childhood physical abuse have a 40% chance of being diagnosed with major depressive disorder at some stage in their life and a 30% chance of being diagnosed with a disruptive behaviour disorder’.

Have you ever graced the presence of somebody who almost shrinks into themselves. Who holds a posture, a position, and a meek voice, that screams of self consciousness, and hyper vigilance. Well, this was me. And this is also the individual who is very careful, about their movements, and about their words, because they have been taught that to put a wrong foot out of place, or to cause yourself to become ‘too noticed’, ‘too enlarged’, offers them the risk of being re-abused.

This individual may go through their entire life feeling as if they have to walk in the shadows, or manipulate their behaviours in order to appear as less of a threat.

In my observation, i have witnessed there to be two separate manifestations of somebody who suffers from emotional/psychological abuse, or some type of abandonment/neglect/rejection, earlier on in childhood.

Despite what new-ageism, and alternative lifestyles preach, every child does need to be grow, and be nurtured under the guidance of a strong, secure, consistent, and stable/balanced house hold. It is very important for children to have access to a blend of both masculine, and feminine energies, as the feminine energy, (typically, but not always the mother), enriches them with love, comfort, and forgiveness, whilst the masculine energy, (typically, but not always the father), instils order, protection, safety, and strength within them.

This does not have to exist as a part of a nuclear family dynamic, with one, mother and one father, if this type of set up is inaccessible, for a variety of reasons. This could be alternated, with the presence of extended family members, or even care givers, standing in to fulfil these roles.

In Africa, there is a congregation of an extended family, wherein aunties, uncles, parents, and grandparents are likely to share one compound, and raise children as a community, within a tight, supported, and watchful network.

This by far, has to be one of my favourite methods of up-bringing. Although this can not be so easily maintained as a part of western living, ideally, it is a beautiful practice, regardless. It also goes to show that the development of each individual is not only reflective of their community, but also reflective of their level of involvement within the individual’s life.

Can we blame ‘bad’ people, for being ‘bad’ people?

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There is an association between childhood abuse and the risk of suicidal behaviour. One study found that a history of physical abuse increases the odds of attempting suicide by almost 5 times, while a history of emotional abuse may increase the odds of a suicide attempt by more than 12 times

And if so, must we not condemn their entire community, and the parents whom raised them?

I believe in redemption, to a certain extent. After all, many of the most viscous, unpleasant, and sociopathic people that i have met throughout the course of my life, have all appeared to have suffered some sort of core wounding in childhood. A wound that only seemed to grow overtime, and manifest as their shadow self, blocking them from their own light.

It is the subconscious, and the unconscious that rules their actions, their lack of empathy, that also remains buried below the consciousness. Empathy opens the door way for emotional openness, and vulnerability. It is likely that many of these people have had to intensely suppress, and deny their empathy, in order to cope with their level of trauma, or abuse more effectively.

Let’s say, for instance, there is a young man who is regularly physically, and verbally abused by his father over a recurring period of time. Even if this young man is initially highly sensitive, and possesses an innocent, and a naive approach to life, sooner or later, in order to protect himself, his subconscious mind will ask him to numb himself. Numb himself to the insults that he receives, and numb himself from the expectancy of consistent love, empathy, or remorse from his father.

Thus, he begins to operate in a fashion that is void of emotional expression. This is a survival technique. This would only be further emphasised, if the young man’s father also insisted that the boy expressing any grief over his treatment, may be acting in a way that is out of accordance with what it means to be a man – therefore, what it means to be acceptable.

Similarly, a young woman who is subject to an emotionally distant, cold, or unavailable father, may find herself feeling isolated, and ‘faulty’, from this lack of male approval, and attention, and may therefore grow to become overly dependent, and reliant upon male attention, an attempt by her subconscious mind to make peace with her earlier experiences. As a result of this, she is likely to find herself in a string of failed relationships, laced with co-dependency, and men who sense her desperation, and happily exploit its position.

Symptoms of somebody who has been affected by childhood abuse in adulthood.

  • Extremely withdrawn, appearing overly shy, introverted, or distracted, engaging in careless day dream.
  • An inability to concentrate for long periods of time, poor memory and directive skills, (this is because parts of the brain literally shrink, failed to develop coherently, and experience severe confusion).
  • ADHD – or a similar manifest behavioural affliction that causes one to outwardly seek attention, and recognition – even if this is negative attention.
  • Overly aggressive – failing to access rationalisation, or impulse control.
  • Difficulty with closeness, intimacy, perhaps pertaining to sexual intimacy, (erotophobia) or a string of promiscuous/unfaithful relations.
  • Compulsive lying, multi personality disorder, a desire for one to seem more flamboyant, and achieved than they truly are, (in order to compensate for intense feelings of inferiority).
  • Hypersensitivity to criticism (either because of a lack of belief in self already existing, or manifesting from a place of requiring consistent praise, to appease the false ego),
  • An inability to allow others enough access into ones internal world, reluctance to open up to others emotionally, desire to separate from emotionally demanding situations, lack of commitment to anything that requires lengthy work.

 

 

I highly recommend that anybody who recognises these traits within themselves, or identifies with my article in some way, seek some sort of professional advice, and help as soon as possible. If you are unsure about what methods are available to you, then i would be happy to assist you with that.

To discuss any empath topics with me during a one on one reading, email me via cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk to enquire about my prices and services.

 

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  © Seek Cindy 2016

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False twin flames, Karmic attachment, a spiritual and psychological fusion.

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Xetobyte Norvz Austria, photo credit.

A ‘false twin flame’ is a specific type of karmic attachment that leaves a pretty lasting impression, and a lasting impact, that is, until the actual twin flame makes themselves apparent. And sometimes, even then, the dent left by the false twin may be so prevalent, that it too affects the twin flame union, and the ways in which the twin in question perceives love, and perceives members of the opposite sex, (opposing energy).

Just like not everybody has a twin flame, not everybody has a false twin. The two sort of go hand in hand, and you cannot have one without the other.

Another name, possibly a more suited one for this type of karmic attachment, is a ‘near twin’, or as some people like to call them, ‘a twin flame prep’.

The energies of this false twin will mirror the arrival of your actual twin so much, that until you awaken to the harsh realities of their truth, you will truly be convinced that this person is your actual twin, somebody fated to you, and somebody with whom you will share the remainder of your life.

When my own false twin materialised in my life, we had so many things in common. We were both ‘artists’, i wrote poetry, he wrote songs. I was a lone wolf. He apparently too was a lone wolf. I believe in the paranormal. He believed in the paranormal. He would even say things that i pictured a partner would say to me, should an angel send them to me.

Enabling one to believe that this union, and their arrival is pre determined, and some how, ‘magical’, is also a common, and tactile trait of the false twin. On some level, it is as if they are aware that the true twin holds a magical, intense realm within them. A realm that wants to believe in true love, and divine attraction, and endless wondrous possibilities.

And that much is true. No matter how jaded, sullen, or ‘meek’, the true twin may be when they come across their false twin, they will still always possess this unspoken, underling light, that the false twin too sees, and will continue to exploit, and ‘attach to’, for the betterment of their own personal energies.

It is very important to remember that no matter how flamboyant, successful, skilled, lavish, or coveted the false twin makes themselves appear to be, they are seriously suffering from a case of a lack of light, trapped in the shadows, a powerless victim of their own karma, and this is why they just cannot WAIT to attach to the actual twin.

This type of ‘relationship’ truly mirrors an abusive relationship, (mentally, energetically, emotionally, psychologically, and even sometimes physically), so for the purposes of this reason alone, i will take a psychological look, including actual psychological theories, on how this union typically manifests, and what keeps the scales so deeply imbalanced.

 

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Abuse begins in childhood, and often, well into adulthood – Cindy Anneh-bu

Attachment theory in psychology is the theory that we all hold specific attachment models, defined by our earliest care givers, our responses to them, their level of affection, care towards us, and our ability to navigate in the world dependent upon their teachings.

Originally, this theory was adopted as a way of understanding the way that children respond to their care givers, and vice versa, but it was later extended to encompass the way in which we perceive, and respond to the world in adulthood relationships, romantic, and platonic alike.

The theory stands that, dependent on the treatment, and the experiences of an individual during childhood, they are set upon a path to either engage in healthy, and strengthened societal bonds, whilst keeping a positive outlook on themselves, or, they will alternatively, plummet into a world of self doubt, self defeat, irregularity of consistent relationships, and a bruised, (skewed) perception of themselves.

In all false twin flame transactions, it is vital to remember that the only reason that both souls come across one another, and find themselves in the same time space, is because their experiences, and their energetic imprints mirror one another, on a very major, and core level.

It is very easy for us to place all of the blame, and all of the responsibility upon our false twin, and how ‘evil’, ‘twisted’, or ‘dark’ they are, but this is once more feeding into the notion of polarity, and separation consciousness.

The truth is, the reason that the false twin was able to sense the calls of the actual twin, and vibrate towards them, is because they both hold a core wounding from childhood, this just HAPPENED to manifest in separate ways.

Whilst the true twin suffers from, ‘anxious/pre-occupied attachment style’, the false twin flame likely suffers from, ‘dismissive avoidant attachment style’.

The common theme for both of these models, is a parent, or parent(s), who rejected the emotional needs of the child in infancy, and were somehow emotionally unresponsive, or unavailable. Whilst, these patterns taught the false twin to become solely dependent, and reliant upon themselves, and suppress the need for emotional closeness, these same patterns caused the true twin to become overly dependent upon achieving this closeness, and receiving love, and gratification from others.

 

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Both wounded. In this way, they represent two sides of the same coin, two sides of a mirror, and there is no true separation between the false twin, and the true twin victim, the classic model of the, ’empath, and the narcissist’.

This is the reason that this relationship is absolutely clouded in karma, and karmic transaction.

Now, karma is somewhat of a complicated theory to explain. How does it attach itself to us? How does it continuously manifest? And how is it that it may be carried on from life time to life time, imprinting itself on the soul continuously?

Well, karma is not so much the conscious actions committed by an individual, so much as it is the unconscious actions committed by the individual. It is because of this unconsciousness, that the individual continuously draws the same level of karma, and karmic experiences toward themselves.

Long before my twin flame encounter, and even further before my false twin flame, i would find myself rigged with questions such as,’Why is this always happening to me?’, ‘What did i do to deserve this?’, and ‘am i cursed?’.

Karma begins working on our souls, and our soul groups, long before we ever put a foot wrong in the physical realm. In African theology, the ancestors, or deceased family members long passed, may be reborn as the children of those born after them. There is this belief in an endless cycle, remaining within the same soul group in essence, and continuing to be born, (renewed), into the family gene pool, possibly in hopes of getting things ‘right’, this time, or learning.

This means that a parent who abused their child and treated them badly, may be born to the child, of that child, or the child of that child, and have to endure the traumatic effects of a broken child, actually broken in a chain of their own doings, in a previous life. This is essentially the model of how karma works.

The misdeeds of that soul, come back to reveal themselves to them, and allow them to understand the harmful, and debilitating effects of their actions, in a former existence.

Karmic imprints are picked up first in childhood, they are downloaded unto the child from the behaviour models, and actions of the parent, and this is why you will find that so many empaths come from families with histories of trauma, it is their duty upon incarnating to attempt to clear this karma, and to use their invaded energetic walls for the good of helping, and understanding others.

 

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When it comes to twin flames, they hold a specific duty, not only of transmuting the energies of their own karma, but clearing their family line. In clearing their own energies, and acknowledging their karmic woundings, and healing them, they indirectly break the chain of karma, ‘curse of events’, by refusing to pass these traits, and karmic models onto their own children.

The twin flames will be heavily burdened as it seems, with the karmic imprints of their entire generational line, including much of the templates associated with their respective genders, (e.g masculine, or feminine).

 

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The karmic energy that the false twin accumulates is of a darker nature, of the shadow side, but this only reflects the shadow side that already exists within the true twin flame victim. It is very easy to think that the true twin flame victim is a perfectly innocent, and an impartial participant, but in actuality, one will find that many of the traits associated with the false twin flame, including narcissism are also apparent within the twin flame victim.

The overall point of this encounter with their false twin flame, is to dig up alot of their unresolved wounded templates, (karma), and damaging behavioural patterns. These pretty much bubble to the surface, so that when the true twin comes along, these energies are almost ready to pour out, almost ready to be released, culminating in a final healing.

Alot of the time, when the true twin flame finally does arrive, the twin flame involved in the false twin scenario, would have suffered so much emotional abuse at the hands of their false twin, that they are almost numb, or rather, emotionally advanced toward their own suffering. Although unknown to them at the time, this prepares them for the intense separation (death/rebirth) period, that they will inevitably experience upon colliding with their true twin. This is why many refer to this type of karmic attachment as the, ‘twin prep’.

It is the preparation of emotional fluctuation, and intense soul level healing that makes this type of relationship stand apart from the typical karmic, or soul mate relationships.

This type of connection truly does tear you open, in ways that appear unbearable, but every time that we are torn open, we risk unveiling our own light, and allowing it to shine through us.

The false twin flame will indirectly try to get you to love yourself, by loving, or appreciating you so little, that your only chance of survival, is in waking up, wisening up, and realising that you are worth far more than their short comings, and inability to be secure for you.

Patience, resilience, observance, and independence, are all lessons that the true twin flame victim will inevitably learn upon making it out on the other side. There is usually a distance to this type of relationship that means, unless they find something to do that nourishes them, or enables them to cope with the time apart, they will probably find themselves going crazy, and obsessing over their need for attention, and recognition, that momentarily, or hardly ever comes.

Alot of twin flame victims will, and should take this time to delve deeply into spirituality, the philosophical nature of life, or even so much as a triggering, for them to make sense of who they are, who their false twin is, and why this is happening to them.

This is pretty much like an alarm clock situation, an awakening call, and should not be viewed so negatively as such, even though it does tend to cause such traumatic and weighted emotions.

Once healing has begun, it is also important to attempt to sever the karmic ties that keep one bonded in trauma with their false twin. The level of abuse or manipulation will rarely ever cease unless the twin flame victim stands up for themselves, and walks away from the entanglement. This is all a game of ego, and also gratification for the false twin, so they will see no need to cut ties with the twin flame victim. Despite their genuine lack of authentic love, and consideration for them, the twin flame victim happily feeds the ego, and the bruised inner child of the false twin, that just wants to be loved. So, unless the twin flame victim decides it is time for this cruel show to be over, it is very likely that it will cease – to be over.

One should also be cautious of reverting, and seeking out their false twin during the separation phase with their actual twin flame. In their confusion, or desperation, they may believe that they have been mistaken in who their actual twin is, and needing care, and attention again, (anxious preoccupied attachment style), may seek out their false twin to become caught up in the same game of cat and mouse.

Lastly, this type of relationship is all about the mirror – the soul mirror – the shadow mirror. Whilst the true twin flame relationship highlights and mirrors all that exists within our soul, the false twin relationship mirrors all of the darkness that exists within our soul, and does not inspire us for greatness in the same way.

This is much the case of the sun, and the moon, without the light of the sun, the moon would not cast such a shadow. However, it is this same shadow that provides light, within the darkness.

To book a personalised reading, advice/guidance session with me, email me via the email provided below. I offer twin flame readings, in which i calculate the life path numbers of both individuals, to check for divine numbers, and synchronicity, before drawing a 10 tarot question selection. I am also able to provide insight on false twin flame relationships, and advice, and insight about breaking free of them.

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  Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016