Society and the art of rejection. 

Society hates people who know how to heal themselves. It does not flow consistently with them. It does not understand them, nor do they understand it. This is because society deals with confirmation, fixed logic and predictable results. It can only function successfully as a blurred collective, if all those apart of the collective agree unconsciously or consciously to be apart of its rigid set of rules and systems. In reality, the mere thought of a group of people living by identical customs and beliefs, when the world is so vast and so versatile, is ludicrous, yet somehow we accept this to be our reality regardless. And why, you may ask? Because ‘society’ is ‘safe’. It is comforting to know that you KNOW something, and that you know you know what you do because you are not the only one whom knows it with extreme precision and dedication. This is what offers people shelter in instability, similar to religion, it offers others the comfortability of knowing that at any time, their values cannot be criticised because they are shared values. And what happens to the ones who just cannot seem to mould, merge and force themselves into the thinly streamed lines of societal measures? Why they are cast aside of course. Society does not engage and welcome you back into its bosom if you cannot find the means to appease its raging ego. It is not empathetic, it is strategic, and only interested in numbers, not individual woes. And so the only medicine in the eyes of society for fixing your ‘brokenness’, is by pretending that it does not exist, and focus on belonging anyway, just focus on belonging. And in that case, the same thing that poisons you, believes itself to be your cure. – Cindy Anneh- bu

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Dream leaping. 

Last night, whilst we slept, I followed you all the way into ancient lumeria. I would not have led there any other way, and though I could hardly trace my steps in the darkened night, you seemed almost effortlessly, to know exactly where to tread. Leading me through mazes whilst never looking back, you leapt, from foot path to foot path, sweeping grass out of your way as if you had done all this many times before. My feet began to ache under the rubble of a thousand gemstones lain in our path, and as I looked down to ponder why I bore no shoes, right there, string wrapped itself around the bottom of my feet, and my steps were complete. And I ran, not to lose sight of you as you proceeded through the grass green woods, still as if you knew, exactly where to fly. You stopped infront of a small, bricked shack and I paused. Upon knocking on the door, I watched to my surprise myself, allowing you to come in. I greeted you with a warm embrace, and I watched myself love you, such amazing grace. Once again, your soul comes home to me. ~ Dream leaping. 

Not so bad a day, after all.

“We all wake up to days that we do not feel our best. This may be emotionally, physically, mentally, or even spiritually. And the first thing important to note, is that there is nothing wrong with this. There is no shame in occasionally second guessing ourselves, or feeling less than our best for no particular reason. I find that we cause further upset and discomfort when we judge ourselves for our initial feelings of feeling inadequate. It is important to note that we will not always have good days, or days where we feel positive, strong and assured, and this is normal! Our moods regulate as often as we brush our teeth! And according to science and biology, this is just the way that we were set up! We are consistently interpreting new information, and reassessing old information, so it is no wonder that our moods, thoughts, and feelings fluctuate so fluidly. This does not mean that you are failing on the journey to self love, or that you’re healing is counter productive. However, we are all aware of how uncomfortable and distressing these days and these feelings can be, so here are a few ways to deal with an ‘off-day’. 1. Write in your journal. Half way through you will find that you do not feel as bad as you think, and It is rather something carried on your mind from the night before that needs resolving. 2. Do not be upset with yourself for not feeling in your best shape. Say, ‘I am sorry self, that today is not one of the days we could get this just as we want it’. And then repeat, ‘Thank you for being so understanding self, and I do not judge you for taking some time to reboot’. 3. Make a list of things that went well from the week before, this may help to put things into perspective and remind you that actually, there is a lot Of positive to focus on.”
Cindy Anneh-bu

The long walk home.

image‘The long walk home’ is something that I like to use to describe the journey back to self. One might wonder what does this mean? And how may a person ever be separate from self? Well there are several ways.. As we exist as parts of two separate consciousnesses, ‘the ego, identity self’, and ‘the soul awareness self’, it is very possible to be misplaced somewhere in between. We see this very often in our daily lives and in greater numbers in today’s societies, with people opting to conceal and repress their displacement with destructive and obsessive behaviours. You will notice people excessively drinking, no matter how it may affect them or their health, you may find others engaging in careless, frivolous and irresponsible behaviour. These are all ways that the little self, (the egoic) self attempts to conceal its disassociation with the soul awareness, and where bruises of the heart and mind are stored to create blockages. When we are in conjunction and union with both the ego self, and the soul awareness self, we can listen carefully to the needs and demands of the soul, and therefore actively fulfil our soul purpose. My belief is that ailments such as anxiety and depression exist, no because we are broken or non fixable, but because we have let our fragile and upset ego self act in ways that contradict the needs of our soul. Many painful memories are also suppressed within the ego self, as it is aware that it has to present a certain image and bravado, void of emotion to the external world. This is where the break down and misfortune begin to occur. Many of those who believe that they actually suffer with anxiety and social anxieties, are very likely to be empaths, hyper sensitives as their anxious reaction may be due to the energies of others that they are absorbing. For more information or help with this subject, visit me at www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com or email me at cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

tonight, i harbor the heart of my mother and my fingertips are jaded with the fleshy remains of the finer things in life. they’ve all since escaped me, and the only thing i’m yet to destroy is the tongue i use to twice curse you with.
thoughts and perceptions that you have never and will never love me cloud my ears, and a distant ringing unveils itself as the voice of reason, reasoning with me to just stop thinking. i don’t. i continue to torture myself with sinister whisperings that i’ll never be loved, that i wasn’t born to love and your non-reciprocation is merely a string in a series of unrequited love that i am yet to experience.

“sometimes broken men with crooked fingers will touch you and try to convince you that you are bruised. they will leave you on your knees armed with dust pan and brush sweeping charred remains of your flesh, making careful sure not to accidentally touch them, as they were now sordid and impure. they will tell you that although they would once cross proverbial rivers and dot a lifetime of neglected i’s, to touch you, you were now unlovable, undesirable and you will lick your tears with contempt. fear not, the jaded man with scarred hands leaves scars on your mind if you let him, and never on your body that he touched like a poison. only if you let him, darling.”