Twin Flame Chronicles, By Cindy Anneh-bu.

It has been a while since I have composed a full article that has been twinflame related. I cannot really say why, because I do not know so myself – except for the fact that it has been quite a strange time.

Those highly sensitive of us will have noticed so many shifts occuring within these past few weeks, and much of a quickening of time that sort of merges all of these transitions, making our changes appear as if they are happening in the blink of an eye. And quite frankly, they really are. It’s quite hard not to forget about some details, and not to leave some things behind when things are moving forward so quickly, and  I guess that that is kind of the purpose of all of this.

To have nothing to look back to.

Anyway, I find myself often caught Inbetween those feelings of hopelessness, doubt, and low faith that every twin flame experiences.

 The, ‘Wasthis ever my twin?’, ‘This individual definitely does not care about me’, and my favourite yet, ‘are twin flames even real?’.

If you keep up with my work, and my persona, you will know that I am somebody who thrives on honesty. It governs all of the work that I do, and everything that I put into it. This is why for so long, I was concerned about imposter syndrome, even though I knew about the gifts that I possessed.

Honesty to me means, being honest with myself. Whilst I am experiencing these fluctuating moods, I do not feel that it is right to write or comment about twin flames, as this would not be coming from a sincere place. Sure it would get me a lot of new twin flame followers/reading purchases, but it wouldn’t be real. So it would not be me.

Now, I find myself in a strange circumstance. Something beyond my control occurred a few days ago, and it has led me to come back to the home that I left, a while ago, to escape my troubles, to escape myself, and to escape the town that my twin and I shared. Now, I am back. And I do not know how to feel.

I do not think that I will see him. His energy tells me that he is far, slightly troubled, but safe. But seeing him is not my concern. My concern is this feeling that I now find myself sitting with. This feeling, that everything that surrounds me at this moment, reminds me of everything that I once did not want to see.

I had to leave this place, to fully awaken, because it contained too many ghosts. Yet right now, it is not so bad. It is only strange. And strangely lonely. I am alone here, but I guess that I am always alone. I merely had more background noise in the place that I was before.

And coupled with Scorpio full moon energy appearing tomorrow, and the fact that my ‘twin’ is also the sun sign of Scorpio, I can not help but to wonder what all of this means. For me, my growth, and my sanity.

I wonder now, this feeling of aloneness, is it even anything to do with my twin? Or is it still me. Running from me. I wonder what other people do when they are alone, as they always seem to cope, never really feeling compelled to reach out to anybody so desperately, as I find myself doing.

Maybe it is the fact that others do not tear themselves apart so much in the same ways. It all begins mentally, I dig, and I dig, so deeply into the akashic records I find myself 5 years back, wishing that things could have gone differently – fantasising sadistically about all of the people who have left me.

But life is so transient, so temporary, and I know this. And I have sat with this knowing, yet somehow still, I think to myself, if all shall pass, and all shall pass, then what is life from moment to moment? Who am I if I have nothing to hold in concrete truth?

I am not my home, because homes can so easily be taken/destroyed. I am not my family, because the only thing that binds us is blood and genetics, I am not my lover, because healthy love knows autonomy, and with that, all of the things that should mean the most to me, are not even mine..

The full moon is tomorrow, and I am worried for my heart. But like all things, I know that this too shall part..

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Father’s cot.

fathers cot.jpg

Afbeelding Albert Neuhuys – Watching father work

Time is always ticking inside of my mind.
I do not remember a time, when i was sound.
Maybe in childhood, definitely not adolescence,
the last time that i was present,
not prone to self negligence.
Before all of the strenuous, tumultuous lessons,
visions of love, and trust, rolling in the dust.
Is it not too much to ask for something that is non reminiscent of love?
Last night, i had a dream of my father, through muffled whispers,
I told him..You hurt us, you deserted us, and now I am perpetually nervous,
hyper sensitive,
does this man love me so?
Will he too go?
Will we never ever get to grow?
Will i never ever know, is the fault mine,
or is he the very foe?
And he too,
and not to forget him from last year?
How long?
Before I call them all a villain, perhaps the villain lies within myself,
my own hell,
the world that i created through my father, i said to myself,
if he loveth me not, then why should any other of his kind not leave me to rot?

Fathers cot.

Cindy Anneh-bu