Childhood – Emotional/psychological abuse, and the effects that it leaves.

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Alot of people find emotional abuse, and psychological abuse, difficult to digest, or hard to diagnose. This is because, unlike physical abuse, there is no outward manifestation, or symptoms that can be directly traced back to a cause.

Because of this, sadly, so many children go from school to home, from home, to school, keeping within them the burdensome secret, of the double life, and the trauma that they must regularly endure.

This type  of abuse is so subtle, and insidious, that it is possible that even the child in question, does not realise that they are being abused, or harmed. They may simply perceive that they have a strict, parent, or parents, and therefore internalise the abuse to be a result of something that they are doing, and that they have done.

The internalisation of this blame is incredibly dangerous, because it can off-set a cycle of the child learning to blame themselves for abuse, (that is usually perpetuated later in life), and also to constantly try to modify their behaviours, and their impulses in order not to receive any further abuse.

‘One study has suggested that victims of childhood physical abuse have a 40% chance of being diagnosed with major depressive disorder at some stage in their life and a 30% chance of being diagnosed with a disruptive behaviour disorder’.

Have you ever graced the presence of somebody who almost shrinks into themselves. Who holds a posture, a position, and a meek voice, that screams of self consciousness, and hyper vigilance. Well, this was me. And this is also the individual who is very careful, about their movements, and about their words, because they have been taught that to put a wrong foot out of place, or to cause yourself to become ‘too noticed’, ‘too enlarged’, offers them the risk of being re-abused.

This individual may go through their entire life feeling as if they have to walk in the shadows, or manipulate their behaviours in order to appear as less of a threat.

In my observation, i have witnessed there to be two separate manifestations of somebody who suffers from emotional/psychological abuse, or some type of abandonment/neglect/rejection, earlier on in childhood.

Despite what new-ageism, and alternative lifestyles preach, every child does need to be grow, and be nurtured under the guidance of a strong, secure, consistent, and stable/balanced house hold. It is very important for children to have access to a blend of both masculine, and feminine energies, as the feminine energy, (typically, but not always the mother), enriches them with love, comfort, and forgiveness, whilst the masculine energy, (typically, but not always the father), instils order, protection, safety, and strength within them.

This does not have to exist as a part of a nuclear family dynamic, with one, mother and one father, if this type of set up is inaccessible, for a variety of reasons. This could be alternated, with the presence of extended family members, or even care givers, standing in to fulfil these roles.

In Africa, there is a congregation of an extended family, wherein aunties, uncles, parents, and grandparents are likely to share one compound, and raise children as a community, within a tight, supported, and watchful network.

This by far, has to be one of my favourite methods of up-bringing. Although this can not be so easily maintained as a part of western living, ideally, it is a beautiful practice, regardless. It also goes to show that the development of each individual is not only reflective of their community, but also reflective of their level of involvement within the individual’s life.

Can we blame ‘bad’ people, for being ‘bad’ people?

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There is an association between childhood abuse and the risk of suicidal behaviour. One study found that a history of physical abuse increases the odds of attempting suicide by almost 5 times, while a history of emotional abuse may increase the odds of a suicide attempt by more than 12 times

And if so, must we not condemn their entire community, and the parents whom raised them?

I believe in redemption, to a certain extent. After all, many of the most viscous, unpleasant, and sociopathic people that i have met throughout the course of my life, have all appeared to have suffered some sort of core wounding in childhood. A wound that only seemed to grow overtime, and manifest as their shadow self, blocking them from their own light.

It is the subconscious, and the unconscious that rules their actions, their lack of empathy, that also remains buried below the consciousness. Empathy opens the door way for emotional openness, and vulnerability. It is likely that many of these people have had to intensely suppress, and deny their empathy, in order to cope with their level of trauma, or abuse more effectively.

Let’s say, for instance, there is a young man who is regularly physically, and verbally abused by his father over a recurring period of time. Even if this young man is initially highly sensitive, and possesses an innocent, and a naive approach to life, sooner or later, in order to protect himself, his subconscious mind will ask him to numb himself. Numb himself to the insults that he receives, and numb himself from the expectancy of consistent love, empathy, or remorse from his father.

Thus, he begins to operate in a fashion that is void of emotional expression. This is a survival technique. This would only be further emphasised, if the young man’s father also insisted that the boy expressing any grief over his treatment, may be acting in a way that is out of accordance with what it means to be a man – therefore, what it means to be acceptable.

Similarly, a young woman who is subject to an emotionally distant, cold, or unavailable father, may find herself feeling isolated, and ‘faulty’, from this lack of male approval, and attention, and may therefore grow to become overly dependent, and reliant upon male attention, an attempt by her subconscious mind to make peace with her earlier experiences. As a result of this, she is likely to find herself in a string of failed relationships, laced with co-dependency, and men who sense her desperation, and happily exploit its position.

Symptoms of somebody who has been affected by childhood abuse in adulthood.

  • Extremely withdrawn, appearing overly shy, introverted, or distracted, engaging in careless day dream.
  • An inability to concentrate for long periods of time, poor memory and directive skills, (this is because parts of the brain literally shrink, failed to develop coherently, and experience severe confusion).
  • ADHD – or a similar manifest behavioural affliction that causes one to outwardly seek attention, and recognition – even if this is negative attention.
  • Overly aggressive – failing to access rationalisation, or impulse control.
  • Difficulty with closeness, intimacy, perhaps pertaining to sexual intimacy, (erotophobia) or a string of promiscuous/unfaithful relations.
  • Compulsive lying, multi personality disorder, a desire for one to seem more flamboyant, and achieved than they truly are, (in order to compensate for intense feelings of inferiority).
  • Hypersensitivity to criticism (either because of a lack of belief in self already existing, or manifesting from a place of requiring consistent praise, to appease the false ego),
  • An inability to allow others enough access into ones internal world, reluctance to open up to others emotionally, desire to separate from emotionally demanding situations, lack of commitment to anything that requires lengthy work.

 

 

I highly recommend that anybody who recognises these traits within themselves, or identifies with my article in some way, seek some sort of professional advice, and help as soon as possible. If you are unsure about what methods are available to you, then i would be happy to assist you with that.

To discuss any empath topics with me during a one on one reading, email me via cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk to enquire about my prices and services.

 

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General life style advice, including love/empath advice – $65/£50

  © Seek Cindy 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

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False twin flames, Karmic attachment, a spiritual and psychological fusion.

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Xetobyte Norvz Austria, photo credit.

A ‘false twin flame’ is a specific type of karmic attachment that leaves a pretty lasting impression, and a lasting impact, that is, until the actual twin flame makes themselves apparent. And sometimes, even then, the dent left by the false twin may be so prevalent, that it too affects the twin flame union, and the ways in which the twin in question perceives love, and perceives members of the opposite sex, (opposing energy).

Just like not everybody has a twin flame, not everybody has a false twin. The two sort of go hand in hand, and you cannot have one without the other.

Another name, possibly a more suited one for this type of karmic attachment, is a ‘near twin’, or as some people like to call them, ‘a twin flame prep’.

The energies of this false twin will mirror the arrival of your actual twin so much, that until you awaken to the harsh realities of their truth, you will truly be convinced that this person is your actual twin, somebody fated to you, and somebody with whom you will share the remainder of your life.

When my own false twin materialised in my life, we had so many things in common. We were both ‘artists’, i wrote poetry, he wrote songs. I was a lone wolf. He apparently too was a lone wolf. I believe in the paranormal. He believed in the paranormal. He would even say things that i pictured a partner would say to me, should an angel send them to me.

Enabling one to believe that this union, and their arrival is pre determined, and some how, ‘magical’, is also a common, and tactile trait of the false twin. On some level, it is as if they are aware that the true twin holds a magical, intense realm within them. A realm that wants to believe in true love, and divine attraction, and endless wondrous possibilities.

And that much is true. No matter how jaded, sullen, or ‘meek’, the true twin may be when they come across their false twin, they will still always possess this unspoken, underling light, that the false twin too sees, and will continue to exploit, and ‘attach to’, for the betterment of their own personal energies.

It is very important to remember that no matter how flamboyant, successful, skilled, lavish, or coveted the false twin makes themselves appear to be, they are seriously suffering from a case of a lack of light, trapped in the shadows, a powerless victim of their own karma, and this is why they just cannot WAIT to attach to the actual twin.

This type of ‘relationship’ truly mirrors an abusive relationship, (mentally, energetically, emotionally, psychologically, and even sometimes physically), so for the purposes of this reason alone, i will take a psychological look, including actual psychological theories, on how this union typically manifests, and what keeps the scales so deeply imbalanced.

 

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Abuse begins in childhood, and often, well into adulthood – Cindy Anneh-bu

Attachment theory in psychology is the theory that we all hold specific attachment models, defined by our earliest care givers, our responses to them, their level of affection, care towards us, and our ability to navigate in the world dependent upon their teachings.

Originally, this theory was adopted as a way of understanding the way that children respond to their care givers, and vice versa, but it was later extended to encompass the way in which we perceive, and respond to the world in adulthood relationships, romantic, and platonic alike.

The theory stands that, dependent on the treatment, and the experiences of an individual during childhood, they are set upon a path to either engage in healthy, and strengthened societal bonds, whilst keeping a positive outlook on themselves, or, they will alternatively, plummet into a world of self doubt, self defeat, irregularity of consistent relationships, and a bruised, (skewed) perception of themselves.

In all false twin flame transactions, it is vital to remember that the only reason that both souls come across one another, and find themselves in the same time space, is because their experiences, and their energetic imprints mirror one another, on a very major, and core level.

It is very easy for us to place all of the blame, and all of the responsibility upon our false twin, and how ‘evil’, ‘twisted’, or ‘dark’ they are, but this is once more feeding into the notion of polarity, and separation consciousness.

The truth is, the reason that the false twin was able to sense the calls of the actual twin, and vibrate towards them, is because they both hold a core wounding from childhood, this just HAPPENED to manifest in separate ways.

Whilst the true twin suffers from, ‘anxious/pre-occupied attachment style’, the false twin flame likely suffers from, ‘dismissive avoidant attachment style’.

The common theme for both of these models, is a parent, or parent(s), who rejected the emotional needs of the child in infancy, and were somehow emotionally unresponsive, or unavailable. Whilst, these patterns taught the false twin to become solely dependent, and reliant upon themselves, and suppress the need for emotional closeness, these same patterns caused the true twin to become overly dependent upon achieving this closeness, and receiving love, and gratification from others.

 

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Both wounded. In this way, they represent two sides of the same coin, two sides of a mirror, and there is no true separation between the false twin, and the true twin victim, the classic model of the, ’empath, and the narcissist’.

This is the reason that this relationship is absolutely clouded in karma, and karmic transaction.

Now, karma is somewhat of a complicated theory to explain. How does it attach itself to us? How does it continuously manifest? And how is it that it may be carried on from life time to life time, imprinting itself on the soul continuously?

Well, karma is not so much the conscious actions committed by an individual, so much as it is the unconscious actions committed by the individual. It is because of this unconsciousness, that the individual continuously draws the same level of karma, and karmic experiences toward themselves.

Long before my twin flame encounter, and even further before my false twin flame, i would find myself rigged with questions such as,’Why is this always happening to me?’, ‘What did i do to deserve this?’, and ‘am i cursed?’.

Karma begins working on our souls, and our soul groups, long before we ever put a foot wrong in the physical realm. In African theology, the ancestors, or deceased family members long passed, may be reborn as the children of those born after them. There is this belief in an endless cycle, remaining within the same soul group in essence, and continuing to be born, (renewed), into the family gene pool, possibly in hopes of getting things ‘right’, this time, or learning.

This means that a parent who abused their child and treated them badly, may be born to the child, of that child, or the child of that child, and have to endure the traumatic effects of a broken child, actually broken in a chain of their own doings, in a previous life. This is essentially the model of how karma works.

The misdeeds of that soul, come back to reveal themselves to them, and allow them to understand the harmful, and debilitating effects of their actions, in a former existence.

Karmic imprints are picked up first in childhood, they are downloaded unto the child from the behaviour models, and actions of the parent, and this is why you will find that so many empaths come from families with histories of trauma, it is their duty upon incarnating to attempt to clear this karma, and to use their invaded energetic walls for the good of helping, and understanding others.

 

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When it comes to twin flames, they hold a specific duty, not only of transmuting the energies of their own karma, but clearing their family line. In clearing their own energies, and acknowledging their karmic woundings, and healing them, they indirectly break the chain of karma, ‘curse of events’, by refusing to pass these traits, and karmic models onto their own children.

The twin flames will be heavily burdened as it seems, with the karmic imprints of their entire generational line, including much of the templates associated with their respective genders, (e.g masculine, or feminine).

 

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The karmic energy that the false twin accumulates is of a darker nature, of the shadow side, but this only reflects the shadow side that already exists within the true twin flame victim. It is very easy to think that the true twin flame victim is a perfectly innocent, and an impartial participant, but in actuality, one will find that many of the traits associated with the false twin flame, including narcissism are also apparent within the twin flame victim.

The overall point of this encounter with their false twin flame, is to dig up alot of their unresolved wounded templates, (karma), and damaging behavioural patterns. These pretty much bubble to the surface, so that when the true twin comes along, these energies are almost ready to pour out, almost ready to be released, culminating in a final healing.

Alot of the time, when the true twin flame finally does arrive, the twin flame involved in the false twin scenario, would have suffered so much emotional abuse at the hands of their false twin, that they are almost numb, or rather, emotionally advanced toward their own suffering. Although unknown to them at the time, this prepares them for the intense separation (death/rebirth) period, that they will inevitably experience upon colliding with their true twin. This is why many refer to this type of karmic attachment as the, ‘twin prep’.

It is the preparation of emotional fluctuation, and intense soul level healing that makes this type of relationship stand apart from the typical karmic, or soul mate relationships.

This type of connection truly does tear you open, in ways that appear unbearable, but every time that we are torn open, we risk unveiling our own light, and allowing it to shine through us.

The false twin flame will indirectly try to get you to love yourself, by loving, or appreciating you so little, that your only chance of survival, is in waking up, wisening up, and realising that you are worth far more than their short comings, and inability to be secure for you.

Patience, resilience, observance, and independence, are all lessons that the true twin flame victim will inevitably learn upon making it out on the other side. There is usually a distance to this type of relationship that means, unless they find something to do that nourishes them, or enables them to cope with the time apart, they will probably find themselves going crazy, and obsessing over their need for attention, and recognition, that momentarily, or hardly ever comes.

Alot of twin flame victims will, and should take this time to delve deeply into spirituality, the philosophical nature of life, or even so much as a triggering, for them to make sense of who they are, who their false twin is, and why this is happening to them.

This is pretty much like an alarm clock situation, an awakening call, and should not be viewed so negatively as such, even though it does tend to cause such traumatic and weighted emotions.

Once healing has begun, it is also important to attempt to sever the karmic ties that keep one bonded in trauma with their false twin. The level of abuse or manipulation will rarely ever cease unless the twin flame victim stands up for themselves, and walks away from the entanglement. This is all a game of ego, and also gratification for the false twin, so they will see no need to cut ties with the twin flame victim. Despite their genuine lack of authentic love, and consideration for them, the twin flame victim happily feeds the ego, and the bruised inner child of the false twin, that just wants to be loved. So, unless the twin flame victim decides it is time for this cruel show to be over, it is very likely that it will cease – to be over.

One should also be cautious of reverting, and seeking out their false twin during the separation phase with their actual twin flame. In their confusion, or desperation, they may believe that they have been mistaken in who their actual twin is, and needing care, and attention again, (anxious preoccupied attachment style), may seek out their false twin to become caught up in the same game of cat and mouse.

Lastly, this type of relationship is all about the mirror – the soul mirror – the shadow mirror. Whilst the true twin flame relationship highlights and mirrors all that exists within our soul, the false twin relationship mirrors all of the darkness that exists within our soul, and does not inspire us for greatness in the same way.

This is much the case of the sun, and the moon, without the light of the sun, the moon would not cast such a shadow. However, it is this same shadow that provides light, within the darkness.

To book a personalised reading, advice/guidance session with me, email me via the email provided below. I offer twin flame readings, in which i calculate the life path numbers of both individuals, to check for divine numbers, and synchronicity, before drawing a 10 tarot question selection. I am also able to provide insight on false twin flame relationships, and advice, and insight about breaking free of them.

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  Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016

False twin flames, (the karmic attachment from hell), co dependency, and attachment theory.

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Although this article can be enjoyed as an individual piece, i encourage for satisfactory consumption that all should attempt to view both this page, and the false twin article available here. – Author’s note.

 

A false twin flame arrives to you at the time that you need to learn a lesson in love the most. The false twin’s arrival is no mistake, and is no coincidence at all. The energies that the both of you embody, call out to one another, from one karmic dissatisfaction, to the next.

In seeking out these individuals to play out our karma with, we attempt to understand our own traumas, our behavioural models, and to make sense of who we truly are. Usually, this relationship type is composed of an empath, (the true twin flame victim), and a narcissist, (the false twin flame).

In the event of their collision, both empath, and narcissist are unsure of themselves. The only difference is, the false twin is willing to manipulate,  toy with the emotions of, and display energy vampirism, in their attempts to establish, and understand themselves, whilst the twin flame victim, in an attempt to quench their gaping emotional wound, and understand themselves, will attach viscously to the fallacies of this relationship.

All that the twin flame victim truly wants is to give love, and to be loved, well at least this is what they believe on a conscious level. On an unconscious level, they fill their energy field with thoughts such as, ‘I am not good enough for love’, ‘I am not deserving of love’, and ‘nobody will ever love me’.

More than likely, this is an imprint that they may have received from one, or both  of their parents, either a parent of theirs whom too feels this way, and struggles with co-dependent issues, or a parent whom indirectly enforced such beliefs by failing to meet the child’s needs for attention, recognition, or affection.

Subconsciously, the false twin also wonders if they are worthy, or deserving of love, but this is a query that they would much rather push below the surface, failing to pay recognition to it, instead developing a false narcissistic persona in which they are the greatest, the most intelligent, and that the twin flame victim should be lucky to even be with them! This false sense of self, and inflated ego is how the false twin protects themselves from the abandonment, and neglect that they so fear.

The same wound.

Both of these souls hold the same inner core wound, and it is this wound that their relationship, and their karma is built around. All of the transactions within the relationship will see them being triggered by, and responding to these internal models.

Because the false twin fears being abandoned, and having to face his, or her deeply buried feelings of neglect, and abandonment, they will create a distance between themselves, and the twin flame victim, more than just an emotional distance, a physical distance in which, they are the ones who determine when the two get to see each other, for how long, and where. This allows the false twin to feel as if their happiness is not dependent upon seeing the twin flame victim, and ensures that they can never be left feeling disappointed, or rejected, should the twin flame victim choose to cancel, or opt out of plans. This can never actually happen.

Because the scheduling of time spent together is so erratic, scarce, and spontaneous, the true twin will come to cherish any time spent together, and will surely never miss a date, or appointment, even at the expense of their own experience. The false twin becomes a drug. This addictive, elusive, and fixating drug, and because you never know when you are going to get it, you are CONSTANTLY on the edge, waiting for it, praying for it, hoping for it.

All of the energy that is directed toward obsessing over the false twin, feeding their ego, and holding them in the light, depletes the life force of the twin flame victim, whilst enabling the false twin to become replenished, and only further more determined in their efforts to display the pseudo heroine/champion role.

 

 

Amy Winehouse, and husband Blake, Amy (life path 8), Blake, (life path 22).

Nas, and ex wife Kelis, Nas (life path 7), Kelis, (life path 1/0) – combined number 8.

Numerologically speaking, these karmic attachments will typically involve the presence of the numbers 11, or 8, as both of these numbers pertain to karma, facing our karmic transactions,and leaving behind past traumas, in pursuits of spirituality, and wholeness.

 

 

 

For signs, and symbols of a false twin flame, look out for my twin flame, tell all book, pioneering in late March/Early April. This book will explore all of the themes, and perspectives of the sacred union, including the much anticipated question, ‘does it truly exist?’.

To book your own reading with me, a twin flame reading, or to receive advice/guidance about a karmic situation,

email me via cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk to set up a booking. Advice, and guidance about coping with a false twin flame will fall underneath the category of, ‘general lifestyle advice, costing the same as a life path reading.
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Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Empaths, spotting beneath the surface, the burden of enhanced perception.

 
So this one, is most definitely for my darling empaths of the world, once again!

Now, we all know ALL too well the pain, and the distress of acknowledging a trait, or the persona of somebody, despite how insidious, or subtle it may be, and struggling to articulate this finding to anybody else.. Honestly, it’s just like, ‘hello? How can you not see this? HOW am I the only one seeing this?’

I know, I know.. It almost makes you want to lose your mind, either that, or it makes you question.. ‘Have I truly lost my mind?’ Well, my darling empath.. You have not. You are not crazy, neither paranoid, (well maybe a little), but you are NOT imagining this.

The thing with us is, we perceive beyond the surface. Empaths are seekers by nature, so we never take anything at face value.

Even if somebody is appearing confident, flamboyant, and talkative Infront of us, we will hone in on their ‘nervous ticks’, on their left foot continuously tapping, on their eager search for approval, as they search the faces of those listening to them for acceptance..

The empath will know, without a doubt, that this individual is putting up smoke + mirrors + is playing up for their audience.
This is particularly frustrating for us empaths when we come across narcissists, + those with sociopathic tendencies. Despite the smiles, or the seemingly charming persona, the empath will feel incredibly uncomfortable, anxious, + on guard in the presence of this individual.. Never being fully able to relax.

Learn to trust yourself, this is the goal of all empaths. To understand that you hold access to a world rarely perceived by others, + to relish in this internal guidance system. It is no falsity, so exaggeration of the mind. It is energetic receptivity + yes, unfortunately, it typically manifests as symptoms of anxiety.

 
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