To love one; who belongs to another..

I still find myself being too drunk on love – the one thing that is never enough, that there is never enough of.

And I do not want to lose myself, to the many hells that we call vulnerability, but somehow, on some level, I know that it is not meant to be – I know that it could never just be you, and me.

We are so young, so rebellious… We have the entire world ahead of us;

Inconsistencies, at our disposal.

Love, good love – I did not want to fall in love when I met you; I wish that you would not have come too soon, for my heart; it is so harsh,

It is so greedy, so needy, and now that I have clutched you in my seems, I should want to make dreams of you… But you leave, because you have an entire world outside of us – and you will never be for us… The God Lord, he prophesied his belief in the holy trinity, man, wife, and child – nowhere in there, did he speak of infidelity…

We are scorned, before our love is even born. – Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy.

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Twin Flame Weekly Reading. 8th-14th August; Creation, destruction, and truthful Revelations.

twin flame weekly reading.jpg

Main theme – Empress, What is occurring for both twins – King of pentacles, Masculine – Page of pentacles, Page of cups, Wheel of fortune, Feminine – The fool, Five of wands, King of wands. 

This week, with the main theme being the empress, we are dealing with energies of creation, and birthing. There is  alot of newness going on, we are dealing with very fertile soils, the ability to make almost anything, and everything manifest. What both twins are experiencing being the king of pentacles, shows some success for us in financial areas, and matters of abundance. Together, these two energies are symbolic of the divine feminine, and the divine masculine working together to create something new – like the big bang theory. There is a balancing of both energies going on within, although I feel as if the masculine is going through this transition, MUCH smoother than the feminine, who is being a little bit messy this week if I am quite honest!

This week, both sacred lovers are focusing on building, building themselves, building who they are, their self perception, and working to bring their talents out into the world. This is truly a week of self determination, and actualisation, but for some reason, it seems as if the feminine is a little bit threatened by the masculine’s desire to expand and explore. This is probably touching on a core wound that she has to do with abandonment, and she is being asked to look deeply into this wound as it is attached to one of the reasons that a lot of her past relationships have not worked out.

The fool card suggests a willful ignorance on her part. She is walking away from the masculine who seems to be walking in the other direction towards financial, and career opportunities. On his end, he is like ? ‘What’s going on? What are you talking about? What have I done wrong? I am just doing my own thing, I am just making some money. I am trying to change my fate, our destiny’ – as depicted by the wheel of fortune, and really, and truly things ARE changing for him, and the feminine should be proud of him, and happy for him, but she is quite threatened by his elevation. A part of her thinks, ‘will he still choose me?’ .. This is much more to do with her insecurities than anything, and this week we take a harsh look at the divine feminine, for her not so pretty side, and how she herself blocks union, SO much more than the concept of the masculine being the runner. In truth, she has existed as the runner for so long..

She’s like this week, ‘I’m going to go this week, and I’m going to do my own thing. Because you are not behaving in accordance with the way that I desire, and this is not making ME feel good’. Me, me me, this is her song, her battle cry.. Can you please see this week feminine, how toxic, and borderline abusive that is? Nobody lives to serve you entirely, relationships are a partnership, not just about somebody making you feel good. What about the other person?

Manifestation is at an ALL time high right now, so it is important to watch one’s thoughts, particularly for the feminine, her mind is so powerful that anything that she conjures (even the negative), will manifest, and take root – and this is what has been occurring for her for so long.

The five of wands is representative of this inner conflict within herself. Everytime that she conjures up an irrelevant argument, everytime that she is passive aggressive, what she is truly doing, is fighting herself, and manifesting this struggle outward. She needs to learn how to deal with her own emotions, or she will always drive people away from her. This is a huge lesson in love, and over coming blockages. I do not understand this week, the need for her to have so many fears, because the empress card shows that her empire too is being built, and things are also shifting for her – but alas, we get down to the nitty gritty of the problem – the feminine FEARS happiness, she FEARS change, and she FEARS success, and she is doing everything possible to make sure that she can somehow sabotage it.

However, the king of wands on the feminine side, is very strong, very determined masculine energy. Where previous partners have fallen, this masculine, is not about to take her shit lying down. He is not going to get up and desert her, because despite the abuse, he is actually far more secure, and settled within himself now. He has taken one of the wands that she is using in conflict, and set it down in the ground, and is saying, ‘I am here. I am not going anywhere’, but the real danger is…Nobody can put up with this type of behaviour, and abuse forever, and this is a call, for the divine feminine to change – to awaken.

Over on the masculine side, he comes with an offer of love, the page of cups sees him confirming, and yielding his love in his hands. There is an innocence about him, that should not be abused, he is exposing himself..He is really here saying, ‘Here, this is the love that I have to give you. Maybe it is not much, but it is what I have. I do not understand the need to fight, or argue, and it does upset me’.. Whilst he is dealing with his issues by surrendering, the feminine is FIGHTING for dear life. Perhaps centuries of the feminine template being associated with victimisation, and persecution is coming up in a major way, for release.

This is encouraging him to step up in some ways however, and to refine himself, because this woman is crazy (lol), and if he wants to be with her, he is going to need to learn some proper expression techniques, because clearly, she takes his silence for neglect, and abandonment. It is very important for her to acknowledge this week how she sets herself up for pre-meditated conflict.

Her insecurities are ravenous, and this week, she needs to turn ‘Alllllll the way, down!’.

This is a perfect opportunity however to finally identify, and bring about an end to these karmic struggles that have been occurring for as long as she can remember. This fight, exists within herself, and she needs to deal with this – not berate, and infringe upon others.

 

Happy healing my sacred beings ~

To book your own personalised/private reading with me..Just send me an email at cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk and I will be yours in a flash! Readings can be received via email, skype, or face to face for those living in the area of London.

Please find below my price listings, and my testimonial page is up here in the categories section:)

If you appreciate these type of monthlys and you would like to invest in my craft, please feel free to place a donation via my tumblr page, http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com

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© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

Twin Flame Weekly Reading 27th June-3rd July; The dynamics of destruction, and creation.

twin flame end june.jpg

Main theme – The tower, What is occurring for both twins – Page of wands, Masculine – Ten of cups, Ace of wands, Ten of pentacles.

Before I begin, I would just like to note once again, that this reading is not limited to those who identify with the term twin flames alone, and high level soul mates should find great solace in these readings. Once again, the terms masculine, and feminine are actually interchangeable, and not always dependent on one’s gender. A woman may identify with the masculine side, perhaps because she is the masculine energy in the relationship, and vice versa. Even if you do not identify with being a part of a divine love connection, you may check in with the energy that you resonate with, to see what themes you are influenced by this week.

Numerologically speaking, we  are moving through a period of the ending of a cycle, and lessons learnt 27th June  (2+7=(9) to, a period of creation, exploration, and manifestation (3) rd July.

This week, BOTH  twins have money on their minds, and have set their sets on exploration, and expansion. 

The tower, speaks of the type of destruction that must occur in order for creation to give birth. Think of child birth – arguably a very traumatic experience, the mother could die during labour, but out of that suffering, strife, and chaos, a beautiful child is born, and the cycle continues itself. This week is all about that cycle, and both sacred lovers harmonising with this, and not being thrown aback by the break down, or swift changes in different areas of their life.

This is more to do with the destruction of the ego than anything else. I feel that the tower represents the ego, and all of the illusions, and expectations that we hold up about ourselves, that can usually cloud ourselves, and our visions in love. The tower asks this week that we let go. All the stories we tell, all the dreams of perfection that we conjure. This does not mean that they do not exist. It simply means we need to be more aware of how certain ideologies and perceptions about the world, and ourselves entrap us. The tower clears things out of the way, pretty swiftly, in order for new things to come together. What you once knew is changing, you are recognising, acknowledging new things. This is much about the quickening that I referred to last week. Things are happening pretty fast this week. Sudden realisations, and epiphanies that shatter what you once thought you knew. This is all about transformation – the element of fire, strength, wisdom, courage, and knowledge being learnt through the rubble.

The page of wands refers to the strength of the spirit that is born through this type of transformation, and life awakening. The page of wands does represent a fairly younger figure, and for this reason, I dub this symbol the inner child symbol. This is the message to become more at home, and one with ourselves once we have shed the ego self. This is the creation of the original self, the self before all models of the ego were introduced through fear, and pain.

Over on the side of the masculine, he is coming to the end/completion of a cycle, and getting ready to embrace a new period within his life, as depicted by the ten of pentacles, ten of cups, and the ace of wands. This is all about a new direction of spirit, he is looking at the bigger picture now, what it really means to be whole, and what it means to be himself – his true self. Emotionally fulfilled, and nourished, without fear or pride. He is experiencing transformation. Perhaps he recognises the importance of creating the family home, and setting that he never had, and he realises that in order to do so, he must first start with himself. 

He truly wishes to be a responsible figure now, and he is thinking of investments, homes, pension plans, stock markets, you name it. He wants his name in the sand, and in there permanently, but I do get the feeling that he realises that all of this is futile if experienced alone. He is mature enough now to take this new direction, which will require him to leave old things behind, and venture in unfamiliar territory.

As for our lovely feminine this week, she too is also feeling the call of the wild, the desire to spread her wings, and branch out. She is experiencing a little bit of spoilt brat syndrome this week with the four of cups, and the seven of pentacles. The four of cups suggests that she is just not seeing the amazing opportunities, and the promise of a new and fulfilling life that is before her. Sometimes, she acknowledges it, and places energy towards it, other times, she criticises, and doubts herself, and still gets caught up in the old ways of thinking/feeling. The world card shows that the world IS hers this week, what more could she possibly want? The wheel of fortune is turning in her favour, but perhaps not as fast as she would prefer.

Whilst she is anxious, and impatient to get out there and show the world the great gifts that she offers, the masculine is thinking about settling down, and setting up shop, which once again shows the sort of role reversal in energy dynamics – symbolic of the balancing out that has been occurring over these past few weeks. She ( the feminine), believes in herself now, and she is ready to explore this, but she must remember, that if change happens too fast, then she will likely miss the journey to the top. It is the JOURNEY that is most important, this period is very significant, and if she rushes it, she will look back one day and wonder where it all went. 

The seven of pentacles speaks of her waiting for the harvest. She has worked so hard over this period of time, especially since the course of this year, and she can feel, even taste the change, and this has only enhanced her hunger for more change. Relax butter seed. Your change is here, it has come, it has arrived. Stop waiting for it as part of a huge sign, of writing in the sky. Just LOOK….And you will see.

Happy healing my sacred beings ~

To book your own personalised/private reading with me..Just send me an email at cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk and I will be yours in a flash! Readings can be received via email, skype, or face to face for those living in the area of London.

Please find below my price listings, and my testimonial page is up here in the categories section:)

If you appreciate these type of weekly readings, and you would like to invest in my craft, feel free to place a donation via my tumblr page, http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com

Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

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E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

The secrets of love; Why do we do it?

love why

We all want love. It is the one thing that keeps us all awake at night..Even if we do not know consciously, that it is love that we seek. The absence of love, is pain. So, before we are even old enough to recognise, we mould, and we merge ourselves in order to be receiving, and deserving of this kind of love.

I find that those who have come from abusive backgrounds, tend to carry the years of trauma, neglect, and abuse that sit on their shoulders with them throughout their lives, because their psyche cannot make understanding of the fact that they were denied something so vital, especially to such tender years of one’s life. Not only do we all want love, but we all NEED love.

So, what does that mean? Do we all NEED to be in a relationship? Do we all NEED a partnership? When the fruits of our parents love is no longer (or never was), significant enough, what does that mean for us in love? Are humans by nature destined to be coupled, consistently, and consecutively?

Well, my answer is..Somewhere in between no, and possibly. I do not believe that we always need to be in relationship with somebody, even as a highly sensitive, love infused empath. And actually, I believe that this theory that we, (especially women), must always be part of a partnership, is very damaging to our self worth, self love, and right to be autonomous in this world. Sure, relationships do shape you, in a major way, and you grow, and come to realise more about who you are from romantic relationships, but I also have found that you can lose yourself, to your own desire to be accounted for.

A relationship should not define who you are. Some marriages, and romantic connections do last ‘forever’, the duration of your life time, but about 50% of them, will go bust at one point, and what will you be left with then?

I am not saying that just because a relationship did not work out, means that it was useless, pointless, or a waste of time, because far from it actually – It is our disconnections with romance that cause us to really delve deeply within, and figure out more about who we are, and what we want from life. What I am saying is, you can not rely on a relationship to prove that you are worthy of love, worthy of appreciation, or worthy of recognition.

For a long time, as I ran away from myself, and ran into the arms of numerous other lovers, I thought that I was learning about love. I thought that I was learning how to love myself. My self love was dependent on the men that could love me, if they could. If they did, or showed me something reminiscent at least of love, I would conclude that this was because I was valuable somehow, and them recognising this in me, allowed me to also recognise this in myself. This is the classic story for so many insecure women, and people battling with their own self esteem. Like I said, we all want love. We all need love. And if we have been deprived of it, in anyway, we will set out to seek for it, and we will always set out to understand why it was not previously granted to us. This is the make up model of abusive relationships, and how dysfunction in love perpetuates itself.

Even when the abused are abused, or treated far less than they should ever be, it is their one single quest to understand why this is happening to them..Why this has been happening to them, that keeps them tied so tightly to this illusion of what it means to be loved.

We settle in love when we do not know who we are. We do not necessarily care who they recipient is, as long as there is somebody to project our love on to. This is NOT love. Especially not on our part, and this is what we need to realise, whilst we are still insecure, and uncertain of ourselves. We wonder why we love others, and they do not love us back? This is because, we do not love others..We only think that we do.

We want them to prove to us that we are worthy of love, so from the minute that the relationship is off the ground, it is not about, ‘us’, it is not about, ‘we’, it is not about ‘them’, it becomes, about you. It becomes selfish love. And there is nothing about love that can remotely be selfish.

It is such an interesting term and a concept love, isn’t it? The way that we throw it about in everyday ordinary life. Giving it so much power yet simultaneously so much triviality and sensationalism. But how many of us even know what it truly means? I sure do not..I know that it exists.  But like all things mystical, spiritual, and not of a tangible frequency, it exists in feeling, in thought, in knowing, and not in proof, or logistics or measurements. This is what makes it so special. There is no seeing is believing.. There just is. And that is what is so frightening about it.

Most of us do not know how to love because we have never been taught how to love, but this does not stop us from trying anyway, so on we trod, with our hopeless idealisms, dreams for a better tomorrow, and stereotypical television depictions of what we should be doing..Ah, I adore humans, I love human kind.. We have not a clue, but we are so determined to..

Anyway, so on we trod, projecting our unmet issues, and unresolved family history/karma on to other unsuspecting souls, for the most part, even unbeknownst to us. So, we destroy a few hearts in the process, damage a few people on our journey, and near enough dent ourselves past the point of recognition, and for what? What does it all mean? What is it worth in the end? In the end, when you have to let go anyway?

It is worth, you. It is for, you. Love is the greatest teacher, the greatest lesson that you will ever know. And I will not be here today and tell you to be strong, to move on, to stop missing the ex’s who made such a huge impact on your entire being. Why, I have not. So why would I advise you to? If I were over all of them completely, if I had forgotten every single last trace of them, I promise you, I would not write the way that I do today..

They taught me, practically gave me my spirituality. Made it so that I needed no books to teach as I do now, all I need was a memory bank. If you are raw, bruised, and cut open over love, be this way.. I guess, in your own special, sordid way, it is your destiny. Not to be hurt, not to be abused. But to learn from the instances where you are hurt, and you are abused.

Let us hope, you will become so desensitised to the idea of being unlovable, that you will begin to heal. Because, there is only so much that a person can tell themselves that they are unworthy, before they grow sick of their own lies.

Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

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E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

 

 

Father’s cot.

fathers cot.jpg

Afbeelding Albert Neuhuys – Watching father work

Time is always ticking inside of my mind.
I do not remember a time, when i was sound.
Maybe in childhood, definitely not adolescence,
the last time that i was present,
not prone to self negligence.
Before all of the strenuous, tumultuous lessons,
visions of love, and trust, rolling in the dust.
Is it not too much to ask for something that is non reminiscent of love?
Last night, i had a dream of my father, through muffled whispers,
I told him..You hurt us, you deserted us, and now I am perpetually nervous,
anxious,
hyper sensitive,
wondering,
does this man love me so?
Will he too go?
Will we never ever get to grow?
Will i never ever know, is the fault mine,
or is he the very foe?
And he too,
and not to forget him from last year?
How long?
Before I call them all a villain, perhaps the villain lies within myself,
my own hell,
the world that i created through my father, i said to myself,
if he loveth me not, then why should any other of his kind not leave me to rot?

Fathers cot.

Cindy Anneh-bu

Blue day..

  
It has been a blue day, so I set my cup of tea calmly beside the window pane and watch the rain drops trickle in slow motion. I wish that they could stall time, and they truly do make the days go by, slower, so that I do not even realise when the grey sky fades to black. And I am still sat Infront of the window in my worn woolly slippers and my sea blue night gown. Now I trace shapes among the misty windows and every now and then breathe hard so that I may start again. I hate mistakes. And I have made my fair share that I ponder on days like these. When nothing makes sense anymore. Not even looking back, because I have come so far, and looking to the past is no longer an indication of how large, a spirit I possess. Nevertheless, I cannot look forward because the future looks as bleak as my tea. Still untouched since half past three, July the fifteenth. Now it sits with moulds of brown and greens. Just like the leaves in my garden of eve. I turn my head slightly, hoping that something will lift my spirits and shift me out of my misery. The moon is full and a fly whispers something into my ear. ‘Do not do it dear’ do not give up again this year. You’ve so many lessons to collect, among your tears’. 
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

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E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

Things that do not leave, even when you do..

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I still love you as raw as the day that i clasped you between my two lips, and swung you, from hip to hip,
though your love is weak, and fragile, and incomplete..
I know that it is for reasons of childhood neglect.
The same reason that you are so cold, is the same reason that i am so hot.
You see, because people deal with things in different ways.
And where you decided to shut off the love that you never received, i grew so hungry for my own, and i set out in searches far, and wide..and in doing so, with you i did collide.
One too needy.
The other, not nearly as greedy..
A fated tale perhaps doomed from the beginning.
Sometimes i think to myself, the universe has such a funny sense of humour..We were supposed to be luke warm,
i was supposed to calm my waters,
you were supposed to increase your boil,
but it was not enough to quell two worlds burned so long before..
I am not responsbile for the wounds inflicted upon you, but in the evenings that i missed you, i would have taken a bite of every rotten apple that you have ever eaten from,
just to know the same pains that you have known,
just to feel where you come from..
So that maybe i could speak your language,
so that maybe in tongues i could convince you of the thing that my energy has never been enough to convince you of..
You are the one, you are the one.
And i am sorry that i grow so glum..
Tis a mere glitch, a reaction to being left in a ditch, you should know..
Do not act as if you don’t

Cindy Anneh-bu