Do you hate him? Because i, can not..

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As much as i wish to hate the narcissistic man, a part of me just cannot bring myself to loathe him in the ways that i should. A part of me sympathises with him, with a deep part of his pain that he cannot, and has not seemed to make peace with, for he knows not how.

In feeling, and thinking that his masculinity is reliant upon his denial of the issues that he has faced upon his life, he has become a mirror of his own darkness, destined to walk this earth carrying with him the very thing that he despises.

For within him, i see the empath, the empath who never got to be an empath because we belong to a society that emotionally stunts, and persecutes men. In not becoming the empath, he instead becomes the socipath, unable to heal his own pain, or even feel it in the ways that he should..Instead suppressing it, and allowing it to grow into poison.

He is cruel to the world, because he is cruel to himself.

He shows no compassion, because he has been shown none.

 

 

To book a  personalised reading with me, email me via the email shown below.

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Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-distribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

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E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

 

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Loss, love, and spiritual awakening – sacrificial donations [Buffy and Charmed edition.

 

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Spirituality is not about being positive,  always- it is about shining a light on the aspects of yourself that are not positive, always.
Shamanism actually is dependent upon ones ability to travel to the underworld (shadow self), and retrieve lost soul fragments..

Cindy Anneh-bu

From my experiences, and the knowledge, and the wisdom that i have accumulated over my years since recognising my spirituality, i have found that both loss, and pain, go pretty much hand, in hand, and are tied into spiritual evolution. Every time that i have experienced an accelerated transformation in spirituality, and mental, and emotional clarity, i have just recently found myself at the pit of emotional despair.

The correlation between spiritual growth, and sacrifice through pain, are not entirely new theories, and you may even say that they have been present in traditional scripture, such as Christ, sacrificing himself to death, for the good of all man kind, only to be resurrected in a ‘light body’ state a few days later, assumed to be much closer to the divine, and having shed what some may perceive to be the ego self.

However, we do not even have to look so far to human sacrifice in the case of offerings from God. We can search a little closer to tribal spiritual fascinations, for instance African spiritual systems, and those derivative, where animals, such as small chickens, and sometimes goats, are’sacrificed’ in order to appease the Gods.

Now, what may at first glance seem like a very sadistic, and masochistic version of events,  could alternatively, be seen in a light where the offering of such suffering, or sacrifice, plays into, and stirs, the very nature of a death and rebirth theme, that life, and especially the divine, concerns itself with.

In many tribal cultures, especially shamanism, depression, and other mental illnesses are actually viewed as an influx of spiritual stimuli, and what some refer to as possession. It is only after one travels deep into the crevices of their doom, that they are met with guides who instruct them of what to do, how to heal themselves, and essentially, how to become a healer for others. This is the belief. Suffering begets some kind of power, or some kind of revelation from the spirit world, that we may utilise to bring resolution to both ourselves, and others.

The idea of darkness, and light existing in co-operation, the ever dancing state of balance, the yin, in accordance with the yang, the masculine, working side by side with the feminine, the light, concerning itself only with matters of the dark – because without one, the other knows no breath.

This very polarity is incredibly inherent in what we refer to as, ‘twin flames’, or divine union. These sacred types of partnership are all about recognising, and integrating the aspects of our shadow selves, if we are to experience spiritual cleansing, and wholeness. The facet that i feel like religion neglects, is the suppression, and the denial of lower aspects of ourselves, essentially our shadow. We are taught to be ashamed of these aspects of the self. ‘Sin’, as it is called.

However, when the twin flame arrives in our lives, they will usually be somehow taboo, or there will be some degree of the relationship that may be seen as betrayal, or not socially, or openly accepted by all. This is so that we are confronted with our own shadow selves, the mirrors of who we are, and the wrong that we do, reflected by the judgements of our society. We must fully let go of the egoic beliefs that we have collected along the way, that call for us to shame, and shun our shadow selves. Our shadow selves are merely a reflection of these societies, and communities that we come from, so why should we shut them away? Rather, we should pierce them open, and listen to what they have to say..Allow them to kill our egotistical perceptions of perfection, and what it means for love, and life, to be perfect.

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In an episode where Phoebe travelled into her past life, she became aware that she used to be evil. For this reason, when she fell in love with Cole, who was partly, (sometimes completely) evil, she became struck with the thought, perhaps there something inside of her that was attracting this evil? That enabled her to be more susceptible to evils? Well, yes..She was an empath. And all empaths will be familiar with experiencing relationships in which we have attracted lowly vibrating partners. Whilst these relationships nearly tore us apart, every time that we come out of them, we have a greater understanding, and appreciation, for love, the good, and the bad. Including what it means to love somebody who does not necessarily know how to accept love.

But Cole was not all evil – well, not all of the time. He was actually half human, and it was his human half that enabled him to fall in love deeply with Phoebe. So in a way, they both had parts of each other already existing within themselves. This element of being a hybrid is also present in twin flames, who hold immense energy for either creation, or destruction, and can be swayed either way.

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Their love, made him want to be good. So much so that he battled with himself, the good and evil within himself, (the soul, and the ego), relentlessly. Upon meeting, he knew that in order to be with her, he could no longer proceed with his ways of being, and doing, though this was what came so naturally to him before. Who he was. What he knew. This struggle is also present in twin flames embodying the masculine energy. Do they leave behind what they know, in order to pursue their love? And if they do, does this not mean losing themselves..And losing their power?

Their love, made her want to be rebellious. To challenge the status quo. What was not usually done, she would do for love. She would go the extra mile, despite how her sisters may have viewed her as weak, irresponsible, or gullible.

This is also present within the twin flame feminine gene pool – her friends, and family in the 3D world looking on in horror, confusion, and dismay as she continues to pursue somebody who is seemingly all wrong for her.

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The great loss.

We experience this great loss in the form of an ego death, but it is also in separation from  our twin. Phoebe making the decision to vanquish Cole, is symbolic of her releasing her lower self, her egoic self, and allowing that part of who she is, to dissolve, until there is nothing left but self – all by herself. She came to understand, that this sacrifice, was for the greater good, despite what it had cost her. This is why the separation period feels so very painful, because during this time, we are shedding all of our belief systems, thoughts, and energetic patterns, until we are left with nothing but us, raw, in our entirety. And it is mighty painful. But..After, Phoebe vanquished Cole, her life took a surprising new turn.  She was able to throw herself in to her work, and find herself in ways that she had not previously been able to. She became self actualised, more independent, a fighter for herself, and her truth, and having withstood the deepest, and the darkest love one could know, she was entirely transformed. I also believe that this gave her the much  needed courage to later step into her empathic abilities, and the weight that they presented her with.. The ultimate sacrifice, paid off.

 

 

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How the loss of Prue transformed Piper.

Before losing Prue, Piper was the more timid of the three sisters. Stuck in the middle, she was not truly sure of her space, or who she was. She was working in a restaurant at one point, in which she wasn’t truly happy, when her actual goal, was to open up her own restaurant. She later became the owner of P3. However, it was not until the death of Prue that she truly became self actualised. The grief, and the anger from the loss coincided perfectly with her newly gained power, the ability to blow things up, as opposed to only being able to freeze things – metaphorical for the acceleration of her energies. This was JUST the fire power, and kick start she needed, and it could not have come at a better time. This new found self belief, determination, and fire power were just the appropriate ingredients needed to vanquish the source!

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Buffy, and Angel too were apart of a divine partnership in which the love was perceived to be forbidden. Good and bad. Morality, versus evil – the themes that plague all twin flame unions. Once again, for the purposes of transmutation, to come into the knowledge that the darknesses exists within the light, and the light exists because of the darkness.

Angel too was separate from the typical vampire, the way that Cole was separate from the typical demon, just as the divine masculine is separate from the average man. Where Cole was actually half human, Angel had a soul, which rendered him different from all of the other vampires. He had a conscience, and the moment that he saw Buffy arrive in Sunny dale, he fell in love with her, and he knew that through her, he wanted to be a better man. He did not necessarily understand how it would be done, but he knew that it would be.

 

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The temptation to revert back to his old ways, and to give into his lower nature was represented here externally by the presence of Spike, and mostly, Drusilla. Drusilla represented  a part within him where darkness reigned supreme, and was associated with passion, power, and conquest. Whereas with Buffy, he could be his true self – what felt comfortable, what felt right, what felt like ‘home’. Just like with Cole, in order to revert him back to his evil nature, both Spike and Drusilla played upon the idea that we was somehow weak for giving into her, and giving into his love for her – an idea that was enough to enrage him to prove the illegitimacy of these notions – in protest.

Because of a gypsy curse placed upon him ions ago, for his sins, it is in the moment that Angel feels the most love, that he is triggered to once again turn evil (to confront his shadow self), and this takes place after him and Buffy have become intimate. Much like the ‘Bubble love phase’, which lasts for twins from a few weeks, to a few months, before their old karma is brought up to be cleared, once, and for all.

She too, had to commit the ultimate sacrifice later, killing Angel, in order to stop him from wreaking any-more havoc on anybody else.Though her heart knew great loss, through this, it also came to know great strength, and resilience.

 

 

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Sacrificial donor.

In one of the most heart breaking televisions scenes, the episode, ‘the body’, sees Buffy losing her mother, after coming home to find her dead on the sofa. The events that play out after this, involve Buffy becoming a big sister, finding greater strength in her abilities, and developing a far more responsible, and serious attitude toward life in general. It is this type of loss that brings us closer to our true nature. That allows us to realise what is truly important, and what isn’t, and to fully step into our roles, and destinies, and what they require from us. Knowing such loss, allows us to know ourselves. The capacity of the human heart, and of the internal strength that we hold, is more than enough to convince you of the existence of the divine, and to bring you closer to such a knowing. The cycle of life. Death, and rebirth, and the blessings that such loss brings. Disguised, ofcourse, for if they were anything else, our lessons would not be retrieved.

There is no transformative element, like love.

 

 

Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.
Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com
E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk

 

To book a twin flame reading, or any of my other services, contact me via email, at your earliest convenience.

Things that do not leave, even when you do..

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I still love you as raw as the day that i clasped you between my two lips, and swung you, from hip to hip,
though your love is weak, and fragile, and incomplete..
I know that it is for reasons of childhood neglect.
The same reason that you are so cold, is the same reason that i am so hot.
You see, because people deal with things in different ways.
And where you decided to shut off the love that you never received, i grew so hungry for my own, and i set out in searches far, and wide..and in doing so, with you i did collide.
One too needy.
The other, not nearly as greedy..
A fated tale perhaps doomed from the beginning.
Sometimes i think to myself, the universe has such a funny sense of humour..We were supposed to be luke warm,
i was supposed to calm my waters,
you were supposed to increase your boil,
but it was not enough to quell two worlds burned so long before..
I am not responsbile for the wounds inflicted upon you, but in the evenings that i missed you, i would have taken a bite of every rotten apple that you have ever eaten from,
just to know the same pains that you have known,
just to feel where you come from..
So that maybe i could speak your language,
so that maybe in tongues i could convince you of the thing that my energy has never been enough to convince you of..
You are the one, you are the one.
And i am sorry that i grow so glum..
Tis a mere glitch, a reaction to being left in a ditch, you should know..
Do not act as if you don’t

Cindy Anneh-bu

Focus on yourself..

  
Focus on yourself. Focus on yourself, look inward. Too often, we allow ourselves to be distracted by the outside world around us. By comparing our journeys to others, and trying to make sense of why our lives do not quite match up with our perceptions of a perfect or a good life. This is as counter-productive and inaccurate as comparing an orange, with another orange, and trying to determine why one is not as orange as the other. In simpler forms, yes we are all humans, and we are all filling out our purpose of existence, but no two journeys are the same, nor even similar for that matter. Despite how many similarities you may share with another soul, your life path and your life experiences will be inherently separate because the truth of the matter is, our experiences shape our way of thinking and thus the path before us, and every individual exists with the illusion of separation in order to teach the universe a different lesson about itself. What use would the universe have for learning the same lesson, over and over again, countless times? And thus, we are all shaped to walk a particular path, individualistic in style, and the only way to accumulate a richness upon your own path is by focusing relentlessly and tirelessly upon enriching it, and seeking only to compare it with its former self. That is the way that the universe will come to further understand itself. 
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© 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

It was she..

  
It was my mother who saved me when I was drowning, and dying at the hands of my first true love loss.

It was not my father who sat me down, and explained to me the nuisance of men, and their fragile indecisiveness.

It was my mother who sat with me as I cried, and watched over me.

It was my mother who knew, because she knew all too well the sting of a man who promises you Spring, and then when winter leaves does not grant you anything..

It was not my father who sat in place of the man who had left me and told me that I was still full of grace, and I still had him in the face of all and any ill fate.

It was my mother who awoke from her sleep, and climbed down a full flight of stares to stare at me alarmingly as my face welled up with sorrow.

Though it was my greatest woe,

It was my mother’s heart that broke..

Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

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© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

There is nothing too wrong with you..

  

There is nothing too wrong with you..

You are not a bad man. Not a particularly sad man. And you are not a prude. Hardly ever rude, and I have not found several things wrong with you.. Yet still, you are not the one.

There is little love in my bones for you. I grow comfortable around you when you are silent, and your body breathes beside me, and I am allowed to do what it is that I do best, which is to lay in silence. But when you speak, when you part your lips, and open your beak, my heart thumps a thousand beats, because your breath, nor your tongue, speaks like his..

I do not want to kiss you wildly in the rain at 3am.. There are better things that I could do with my time, such as reading novels with my feet perched up on my window sill. Yet still, I fold into you, not every night, but from time, to time, because I am ever so lonely when my eyes hit the light.

I fell in love with a remarkable man, but he did not shove his heart into my palms, he kept it ever so safely, wrapped over so neatly, and tucked away into childhood jewellery boxes. And so I find myself here, with you, heart beating at 100mph, not from passion, not from love, but from that gnawing feeling.. That I am not where I am supposed to be. And if I stay? I may just become too engulfed, trapped, and never to be free..

My heart bleeds for the women, not in love, not in lust..but longing for company. 

© 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

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Psychosis, and confusion hypnosis; a life path 7 initiatory crisis.

  
I am going through an incredibly strange and harrowing life process. Yes, it is true that i have completed an intense spiritual journey over the short time of a year, and I have changed so much that I can barely recognise who I am anymore.

I am caught in a limbo place, Inbetween time and place. No longer a product of the past, I cannot go back there, and it feels so alien and uncomfortable to me given my new found explorations, that I cannot even think of going there.

 Then there is the future, my manifestation ability says that it looks ripe, and ready, and promising. However, it is currently intangible, and it is the steps toward getting there that keep one frozen in limbo. It is a huge responsibility, almost a burden once you acknowledge that your past experiences were gradually built by the directions that you took, and understanding that these very steps that you are taking now, will once again also form your circumstances. Spiritual perceptive gives you strength, but also immeasurable responsibility.

I am looking around, and realising that many of the friends that I began this journey with years ago are no more, and that is forcing me to hold myself up to a magnifying glass, and re-assess who I truly am, who I have always been, and what this means for me now.

Everything appears hazy, yet somehow, clearer than it has ever been.

© 2016
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

Twitter – @spiritualpoet_
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