Stepping out into the real world.

It is a funny thing – to have been alive for so long, yet not truly living. 

I think of my previous relationship – how scary & suffocating it is that I almost lost myself in something that was so toxic & scary & detrimental for me. And the nightmares that I often have about still being back in that place.

It’s pretty painful & awkward; because sometimes when you are in a toxic relationship – whether energetically, emotionally, physically, or psychologically, you find yourself alone – without anybody to hold your hand, or help you to see the true detriment of your ways.

I find that when you are an ‘adult’ as such in a toxic relationship, especially if this relationship is non physically abusive, for the most part, everybody will just leave you to it.. And I do not know if I particularly blame them either.

Your friends & family will stick in a few words about how you may be acting differently, may have changed & how you probably are too good for this person, (whatever that means), but they will never understand the psychological implications behind it, the trauma bonding, the fact that it is not so much your conscious awareness that chooses to see you placed in this position, but rather your subconscious manifestations & projections of displacement..

Even when you break free from this type of entanglement – even when you try to soar & your feet literally lift up from the ground, you will still be clutched, & the tips of your toes will be tugged back downwards toward the ground, by the seemingly unbearable weight of sorrow, regret, loneliness, and guilt.

I call it – relationship based PTSD. Nobody ever fully knows how deeply you wound yourself into this relationship. Because they do not recognise how far your inner child’s PTSD stretches, or how far co-dependency wove itself to be an intrinsic part of your psyche.

So, you float on – you try to live your life again. Friends congratulate you about how much happier you are seeming these days, how much brighter your smile is, & whilst it is all true, it does not take away from the fact that you are still, several months later, shaken by the entire encounter – and still just trying to find your self. Claw yourself – from the rubble of the parts of you that are left, un/given to the dependent dynamics of the former relationship.

Who are you now? You find yourself asking. You are no longer the girl who relies on somebody else for everything, even company; so honestly, who are you now?

The beauty of this question is; this is your answer to decide. You are literally in the process of creation & can become anything that you would like to become. The you that would make your childhood you most proud.

You just have to plunge yourself into the darkness from time to time – to fully make sense of why this situation had to happen to you, because trust me, there IS a reason.

And you will find your flow at the moment, though you may be much the headless chicken now — you will find your know how, after slipping up & tripping & getting it wrong oh maybe a few hundred times!

Just take your time. Nobody has to understand it, but you.

Nobody else endured it, but you.
Seek Cindy 2016 ©
To book an appointment with me to discuss the type of toxic entrapment mentioned here, or the recovery associated with it, please send an email to cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk with the tag line – ‘help’.

Advertisements

Energetic transferences – The truth about hyper masculinity & hyper femininity. 

So, I think it is only fair to post a response to the sheer confusion, chaos, and backlash that was born yesterday, when I tweeted that I enjoyed being in the company of men, because I identify with being highly feminine, and it Injected some logical reasoning into my conversation.. Now, the feminists who got ahold of this tweet, went absolutely ballistic – (like I probably gathered they would), instead of viewing things from a point of energetic dynamics, they simplified everything down into – men, and women ie, me meaning – women are highly illogical beings, whilst men are the only ‘sensible’ creatures.Well, I can see HOW this could be misinterpreted – however, I feel like in order to understand my stance, you WOULD need to have a clear idea of how energy works.
We are all born with a certain access/amount of masculine/feminine energy, however, in each of us, one energy tends to be dominant, whilst the other remains dormant or inactive for the most part.
In those who are hyper masculine, this energy is highly imbalanced to the point of detriment externally, whilst with hyper femininity, the feminine energy is imbalanced to the point of detriment INTERNALLY – please pay attention, this is how energetic gender templates differ.

Masculine energy is external (drive, discipline, action, motion, hunter etc),

Whilst feminine energy is internal, (emotion, channeling, extra sensory ability, receptive, expansive)..

This does not mean that neither men, nor women cannot access the templates belonging to the opposing energetic group – actually hermaphroditism is associated w/ high levels of holiness & the balance between these two energies to create a third energy (God like force), is the goal of all Mystics.. At one point, I was hyper feminine, to the point of being too passive & this served as a money blockage also. However, after spending time with many hyper masculine men (narcissists), I was able to both learn & incorporate the tricks of the trade, as they exist largely within the thought realm (logic), to avoid emotional penetration..

In no way does recognising hyper femininity as an issue that is toxic towards the carrier themselves, undermining or cancelling of hyper masculinity and the ways that it is damaging to both men, and women.

I believe that the return of feminine consciousness/the divine feminine has been perverted, and misconstrued by the powers that be to create a binary between men, and women, and further separation and DIVISIONIST tactics. 

The goal should not be to separate ourselves, or scorn at our differences, or even try to make our differences disappear, rather, the end goal of all trauma should be reconciliation, and resolution. Why are so many of us picking at the scabs of our wound, and choosing to remain apart of our karma, trauma, and victim consciousness? 

And no, this is not ‘victim blaming’, or any other term that has been invented to deter the process of growth.

It is imperative that we grow outside of our wounds, and not remain entrapped in the trauma that was born of them.

Hating men, or even choosing to deny the benefits that masculine energy brings to our lives, is not a health response to trauma whatsoever.

Understanding and separating hyper- masculinity in itself, from ‘men’, as a gender IS a healthy response to trauma.

Not all men believe that women are subservient, and actually, there are a few men who suffer from hyper femininity themselves, and turn to hyper masculinity later in life, because they have come across individuals who take advantage of, and manipulate their former intense passivity.

These energetic templates should be made aware of, so that others can effectively learn to balance, re-write, and correct their imbalances, and karmic traces.

This also, is very directly linked to the eternal attraction of the empath, and the narcissist – and their subconscious, psychological desire to attain balance.

Once again, I know that not everyone will understand, or resonate with this post, but for the ones that do, endless blessings upon you..

And know, that there is nothing about your internal make-up, that you cannot tweak.

Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016

Excessive fatigue, and ascension. 

Honestly, I have been so incredibly exhausted with all of these shifts in consciousness, and reality occurring. It has definitely been a time of rapid change, and switching different dimensional timelines, and un-doing past life karma – enough to make anybody exhausted!

Pay particular attention to dreams during this time, especially dreams about death, as they articulate to us what we are letting go of subconsciously, energetically & etherically. 

Dreams about death do not pertain to physical death in a sense, but rather a death of the things that these persons are associated with.

Our cells are rejuvenated whilst we sleep, new brain connections are made, as old ones die. And sleep is the cousin of death, so you can be sure that all of the sleep that you are catching up on at this time is bringing you renewal, and rebirth.

You may even be experiencing psychological and physical regression – looking younger & fresher as a result of dropping harmful energies from your auric field.. This is a time of letting go, and allowing so much that has been stored within us to fall to dust. I highly suggest a heavy physical cleansing in preparation for this full moon. Cleaning the house, that attic/storage room that you dump old, irrelevant rubbish in – yes even that too must now be cleansed! Re-arrange the placement of your room, change your bed covers, dust for cobwebs – this is all related to the condition of yourself internally. Your home is an extension of yourself.
Happy clearing my babies…

Ashe.


© Seek Cindy 2016. 

Friction and opposition; The necessary stages of healing. 

It appears almost as if a cruel twist of fate.. The moment that you find yourself in a state of spiritual, emotional, mental, and psychological elevation & inspiration, is the moment that you will rub up against those who seem to be at the mouth gate of the complete opposite.

Resistance, friction – an opportunity to test, are you truly ready to move to the next level? Are you really ready to fight for yourself? To love yourself more? And to excel in ways you previously never have before?

Okay, then I will send you this test, this test that once used to rock you & shake you at the knees… And now you will see, how you handle this.. How well you fare against the kind of strife that once paralysed you.
The entities that exist as low vibration cess pits in others will recognise when your own vibration is uplifting, they will recognise the resistance that you pose to whom you once were & out of bitterness & spite, they will do everything within their power to attempt to bring you back to a place where you recognise them…

Demonic entities (low vibrational beings) absolutely HATE to be ignored, it remains them that they are unloved, not of the light & not apart of God’s graces, & they confuse the vessel that they possess that it is rather they who are unlovable.

Do not be so shaken dear one. Know that this too is apart of the process… This too is healing, challenging & changing you at the most molecular, biochemical level.


You know that you are healing, when your arguments now turn into psychological expressions of communication, and resolution.

I have absolute zero interest these days in engaging in heated disputes with anybody.. My inner child is currently dancing happily, and she seriously has no intention of being unnecessarily wounded. My shadow self is also currently doing cute things, like parenting my inner child & enduring a process of self analysation & introspection, so anybody after anything else, needs to fall all the way back, have several seats & go get a coffee with kermit & them…

As a highly sensitive person, I find that engaging in any type of back & fourth is incredibly draining & this is why so many empaths seem to avoid confrontation…

The energetic back lash after is NOT worth it..

I find the inner parent in myself now reaching out to others who try to cause conflict & trying to parent them.

I mean, there is clearly an inner child present who does not know how to appropriately & articulately express itself…

And I am tempted to ask?

‘What is it at this time that you require?’

‘What causes you such dissatisfaction that you feel the need to misconstrue my words & energy in such a manor?’

The energy of resolution, is entirely separate from the energy of conflict.

Nobody is out to get you amor, I promise you that much. Well, unless indeed you do perceive things to be this way.

And it is the enemy within, the one who has a chronic dissatisfaction with self, that perceives itself to be a target, that determines that everybody is somehow out to harm it..

Gradually, as we heal, the sometimes timid, often defeatist voice within our head that lacks reason, will cease to think that all others have an agenda, particularly energetically vampiric souls.

There is not much that you can do outside of yourself, you cannot control others, you cannot control who they are, what they do, nor their emotional reactions & responses toward you – all that you can do is attune yourself, so that you experience internal harmony.

Realise that the actions of others are a reflection of their own perception & THEIR reality, similarly, your experiences, actions, and conclusions are relative to your own perceptions and narratives.

You can CHOOSE to buy into an experience if it resonates w/ you.

If it does not? Then you can choose to drop it from your auric field. As simple as you nearly picked it up.

Each day, make a conscious decision of that which you wish to indulge in.

However, in the end, regardless of all of our dealings, of those who cause us friction, of those who rub up against the unhealed parts within us, it is important with our labelling of others, not to write them off, or paint them as the perpetual bad guys – for this creates more separation and bitterness.

Our time & experience upon this earth is limited. Why are we so disregardful & disrespectful towards others? Do we know when will be the last time that we will be given the opportunity to see them? Surely, we do not wish for our last ever words to them to have been filled with malice.

To lose somebody unexpectedly places a shift upon the ways in which you view death, loss & life.

At any moment, one can become lost to the infinite cycle that is.

This is why human life is so precious! Why we should try to rise above our own petty differences & see the beauty of humanity for what it is.. All humans are sacred. Yes even those whom we dub ‘energetic vampires’, toxic, or emotionally & energetically draining…

Even they too are sacred.

I am not under any circumstance suggesting that one should put up with their bullshit, but rather, even in establishing & strengthening boundaries, we should try to speak to the inner child in them, the wounded one that is.

Harbouring any type of hate, resentment, or ill feeling towards others burns away deeply at us, more than it affects any other..

Go to sleep every night with forgiveness on your mind, understanding that we are all human, we are all learning, we are all growing, and we all make mistakes on this path…

Hate nobody. Express grief over their actions, but please do not ever carry hate in your heart for them… Especially those who abuse you, as this prolongs the process of abuse.

Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy 2016.

The polarity of feminine sexuality. 

The polarity of women’s sexuality part 1.

The more somebody suffers from low self esteem, the more likely they are to be involved in hyper sexuality + self inflicted sexual abuse. This is highly in relation to the theory of boundaries & our ability to sustain them after they have been penetrated without our permission.

More than likely that person that you refer to as a, ‘hoe’, has experienced some type of sexual abuse or sexual malfunction during their childhood. This experience(s), usually occurs before puberty, may spurn off premature puberty, and permanently alters the way in which the individual views intimacy, trust, sexual health, and relationships. If this act was committed by a trusted member of the family, or family dynamic, the individual may grow to have difficulty with establishing sexual boundaries, having been taught by their experiences to believe, that there truly are none.

The sexualisation of a child from such a young age, also stirs impulsive sexual desires, and behaviours in them that they may be desperate to act out, in attempts to seek the same ‘euphoria’ associated with the feeling of sexual arousal. As they are aware by the secrecy of their abuse that the actions that they are involved in are wrong, they may also develop unhealthy attitudes to sexual

Behaviours, believing largely, that anything goes.

As low self esteem is a trait also associated with sexual abuse, it is very likely, if not a certainty, that they will go on to have a complex relationship with sex, where their former abuse continues to re-surface, well into adulthood.

You see why, ‘slut shaming’ doesn’t work? No amount of shame can account for that which people already carry..


The polarity of women’s sexuality part 2. 

The intention that she holds in the space provided after sexual Union will reproduce itself. Whether good, or bad, it shall multiply.
Sex should strengthen the bond… If it does not? Something is wrong.. the energetic resonance is wrong.
If he falls asleep right after coitus, you have drained him of his super powers, and you are now the super hero – use it wisely.

He returns to being a mere mortal, while you…. Why, you? You can have anything that you want. That’s what religion won’t tell women.. You have to rub the back of his head/neck so he doesn’t feel bad about being a mortal again.. Be nice to him, but you can laugh in your head…

Now, you are a fucking God.

Religion will not clue you up on this.. Why? Well because the basis of patriarchal strength rooted in abrahamic religions relies upon the superiority of men, and not this type of exchange of power.

This type of sexuality based upon a woman’s strength is simply counter productive to the narrative of male ownership and dictatorship.. Rather, they should shame the woman from finding this knowledge, from awakening the alchemical processes within…

A woman’s sexuality, through self discovery and expression, is her spiritual breakthrough.

And in the opposite breath, a woman’s sexuality, through abuse, or affliction, is her greatest bondage. 

This is the polarity of feminine sexuality, of womb consciousness.

However, once damaged, this chain of causation as mentioned in part 1, is highly reversible..

As fluid as women are, we can take on many forms, many shapes, and no shape of ours is permanent.

– Cindy Anneh-bu
© Seek Cindy 2016

Twin Flame Weekly Reading – 13th-19th June; Realisations and foundations.

twin flame 13.jpg

Main theme – King of swords, what is occurring for both twins – The hermit, Masculine – The hanged man, King of cups, The wheel of fortune, Feminine – Temperance, Eight of swords, Six of wands.

This week, both divine lovers are experiencing a dose of their own realities. With the hermit, and the king of swords present, they are receiving the mental clarity that they need, by going deep within. This is a process of looking into themselves, the truth of themselves, and particularly their shadow elements in order to understand what has been navigating their karma.

This shows TRUE maturity, not just maturity on a basic level. The only way to truly understand one’s self, one’s life, and one’s karma, is through looking, and seeking within. This is how we refrain from making the same mistakes time, and time again. And this week’s theme, is truly about those mistakes. Those mistakes that we have made, and the things that we wish we could take back. We are being asked to see that we cannot take them back, because they were apart of our unique destiny, BUT what we can do, is work on ourselves, and our own inner mechanisms, in order not to keep attracting, or repeating those mistakes. It is time to take the rose tinted glasses off. Who are we? And who have we been in love?

With the hanged man, we are shown how the masculine is realising that he does have issues with control, and one of his shadow elements have secretly been his desire to control, as a result of an inferiority complex. To him, controlling his life meant that it could not fall apart, so he tried to maintain enough distance is certain areas, and hold on too tightly, or almost aggressively to other areas and ideals.

This week, sees him working through these issues that he has to do with control, and a lack of control. This is a relationship that has a theme in his life, and apart of his karma, as shown by the wheel of fortune. However, we are shown that he is effectively moving through, and working through this karma, as shown by the king of cups. This is him allowing himself to be a little more fluid, understanding, and self reflective. This is the kind of self analysis that allows for empathy to become apparent, empathy and understanding, particularly empathy in regards to past actions, and past relationships. This is really about showing him the hand that he has played in his own karma, and how to shift things a little bit – which will start happening now as long as he continues allowing himself to take responsibility, and accountability.

Both twins, can be a little bit, dare I say, manipulative? And this week they ARE starting to realise this, and are starting to make peace with this, the fact that they have actually not been as innocent in their transactions as they think they have. But like most things, this is almost always due to fear. So working through, and on these fears are making themselves known to both sacred lovers, this week. It is time to reflect, heal, acknowledge, and make peace with.

Over on the feminine side, she is realising with the eight of swords, that one of her things, is mental entrapment. This is one of the afflictions that have made it difficult for her to have and to hold harmonious relationships, and she is fast becoming aware of this. The eight of swords speaks of becoming trapped in our own philosophies, perspectives, ways of life, and beliefs.

She is taking responsibility by no longer playing the victim. Instead of saying, ‘This was done to me,’ now she is beginning to acknowledge, ‘In some ways, I was doing the exact same thing..’. This is the mirror of all mirrors for her this week.

The card of temperance asks that she maintains balance. Much like the masculine was obsessed with the element of control, as too was the feminine obsessed with controlling the outcome of situations, and relationships according to her own narrow ways of thinking, and expectations. This is how they have both been being manipulative.

The six of wands arrives however to tell her that this is her final battle/victory cry. This is one of the major blockages that has been afflicting her. Her issues with control, victimisation, and not taking responsibility. Just like this realisation brings the masculine a turn of events via the wheel of fortune, realising and releasing this also grants her karmic return immunity. THIS is how you break chains my lovely people..

The message is very clear to the feminine this week..That if she changes things according to these realisations, and epiphanies, the only probable outcome, IS success, on a grand scale. The appearance of two cards representing masculine characters,  (The hermit/King of swords) appearing as relevant themes even for her, show her willingness to balance her masculine side. Meaning what she says, and doing what she means. Bold expression, not holding her tongue once she has perceived something, but instead voicing it healthily, and directly, therefore lessening the chances of her needs not being met, or her being ‘victimised’ because she could not properly voice her opinion, and stick with it. This also gets her out of getting stuck in her head. Because the only reason she is so stuck in her head, is because she has all of these things that she does NOT EXPRESS!!!

This is absolutely beautiful, and I am VERY proud of both sacred lovers this week, because if you really look at these cards, and this reading, you see that both of them are actually going through the exact SAME thing, although these changes are manifesting in different ways. Both coming to terms with control issues, both working through karmic understanding, both CHANGING the course, and the direction of their destiny, and their relationships, according to this.

 

To book your own personalised/private reading with me..Just send me an email at cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk and I will be yours in a flash! Readings can be received via email, skype, or face to face for those living in the area of London.

Please find below my price listings, and my testimonial page is up here in the categories section:)

If you appreciate these type of weekly readings, and you would like to invest in my craft, feel free to place a donation via my tumblr page, http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com

Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com

E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

 

 

 

The secrets of love; Why do we do it?

love why

We all want love. It is the one thing that keeps us all awake at night..Even if we do not know consciously, that it is love that we seek. The absence of love, is pain. So, before we are even old enough to recognise, we mould, and we merge ourselves in order to be receiving, and deserving of this kind of love.

I find that those who have come from abusive backgrounds, tend to carry the years of trauma, neglect, and abuse that sit on their shoulders with them throughout their lives, because their psyche cannot make understanding of the fact that they were denied something so vital, especially to such tender years of one’s life. Not only do we all want love, but we all NEED love.

So, what does that mean? Do we all NEED to be in a relationship? Do we all NEED a partnership? When the fruits of our parents love is no longer (or never was), significant enough, what does that mean for us in love? Are humans by nature destined to be coupled, consistently, and consecutively?

Well, my answer is..Somewhere in between no, and possibly. I do not believe that we always need to be in relationship with somebody, even as a highly sensitive, love infused empath. And actually, I believe that this theory that we, (especially women), must always be part of a partnership, is very damaging to our self worth, self love, and right to be autonomous in this world. Sure, relationships do shape you, in a major way, and you grow, and come to realise more about who you are from romantic relationships, but I also have found that you can lose yourself, to your own desire to be accounted for.

A relationship should not define who you are. Some marriages, and romantic connections do last ‘forever’, the duration of your life time, but about 50% of them, will go bust at one point, and what will you be left with then?

I am not saying that just because a relationship did not work out, means that it was useless, pointless, or a waste of time, because far from it actually – It is our disconnections with romance that cause us to really delve deeply within, and figure out more about who we are, and what we want from life. What I am saying is, you can not rely on a relationship to prove that you are worthy of love, worthy of appreciation, or worthy of recognition.

For a long time, as I ran away from myself, and ran into the arms of numerous other lovers, I thought that I was learning about love. I thought that I was learning how to love myself. My self love was dependent on the men that could love me, if they could. If they did, or showed me something reminiscent at least of love, I would conclude that this was because I was valuable somehow, and them recognising this in me, allowed me to also recognise this in myself. This is the classic story for so many insecure women, and people battling with their own self esteem. Like I said, we all want love. We all need love. And if we have been deprived of it, in anyway, we will set out to seek for it, and we will always set out to understand why it was not previously granted to us. This is the make up model of abusive relationships, and how dysfunction in love perpetuates itself.

Even when the abused are abused, or treated far less than they should ever be, it is their one single quest to understand why this is happening to them..Why this has been happening to them, that keeps them tied so tightly to this illusion of what it means to be loved.

We settle in love when we do not know who we are. We do not necessarily care who they recipient is, as long as there is somebody to project our love on to. This is NOT love. Especially not on our part, and this is what we need to realise, whilst we are still insecure, and uncertain of ourselves. We wonder why we love others, and they do not love us back? This is because, we do not love others..We only think that we do.

We want them to prove to us that we are worthy of love, so from the minute that the relationship is off the ground, it is not about, ‘us’, it is not about, ‘we’, it is not about ‘them’, it becomes, about you. It becomes selfish love. And there is nothing about love that can remotely be selfish.

It is such an interesting term and a concept love, isn’t it? The way that we throw it about in everyday ordinary life. Giving it so much power yet simultaneously so much triviality and sensationalism. But how many of us even know what it truly means? I sure do not..I know that it exists.  But like all things mystical, spiritual, and not of a tangible frequency, it exists in feeling, in thought, in knowing, and not in proof, or logistics or measurements. This is what makes it so special. There is no seeing is believing.. There just is. And that is what is so frightening about it.

Most of us do not know how to love because we have never been taught how to love, but this does not stop us from trying anyway, so on we trod, with our hopeless idealisms, dreams for a better tomorrow, and stereotypical television depictions of what we should be doing..Ah, I adore humans, I love human kind.. We have not a clue, but we are so determined to..

Anyway, so on we trod, projecting our unmet issues, and unresolved family history/karma on to other unsuspecting souls, for the most part, even unbeknownst to us. So, we destroy a few hearts in the process, damage a few people on our journey, and near enough dent ourselves past the point of recognition, and for what? What does it all mean? What is it worth in the end? In the end, when you have to let go anyway?

It is worth, you. It is for, you. Love is the greatest teacher, the greatest lesson that you will ever know. And I will not be here today and tell you to be strong, to move on, to stop missing the ex’s who made such a huge impact on your entire being. Why, I have not. So why would I advise you to? If I were over all of them completely, if I had forgotten every single last trace of them, I promise you, I would not write the way that I do today..

They taught me, practically gave me my spirituality. Made it so that I needed no books to teach as I do now, all I need was a memory bank. If you are raw, bruised, and cut open over love, be this way.. I guess, in your own special, sordid way, it is your destiny. Not to be hurt, not to be abused. But to learn from the instances where you are hurt, and you are abused.

Let us hope, you will become so desensitised to the idea of being unlovable, that you will begin to heal. Because, there is only so much that a person can tell themselves that they are unworthy, before they grow sick of their own lies.

Twitter – @spiritualpoet_

Instagram – @spiritualpoetess_

Tumblr – http://www.spiritualpoet.tumblr.com

E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.