To love one; who belongs to another..

I still find myself being too drunk on love – the one thing that is never enough, that there is never enough of.

And I do not want to lose myself, to the many hells that we call vulnerability, but somehow, on some level, I know that it is not meant to be – I know that it could never just be you, and me.

We are so young, so rebellious… We have the entire world ahead of us;

Inconsistencies, at our disposal.

Love, good love – I did not want to fall in love when I met you; I wish that you would not have come too soon, for my heart; it is so harsh,

It is so greedy, so needy, and now that I have clutched you in my seems, I should want to make dreams of you… But you leave, because you have an entire world outside of us – and you will never be for us… The God Lord, he prophesied his belief in the holy trinity, man, wife, and child – nowhere in there, did he speak of infidelity…

We are scorned, before our love is even born. – Cindy Anneh-bu

© Seek Cindy.

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Father’s cot.

fathers cot.jpg

Afbeelding Albert Neuhuys – Watching father work

Time is always ticking inside of my mind.
I do not remember a time, when i was sound.
Maybe in childhood, definitely not adolescence,
the last time that i was present,
not prone to self negligence.
Before all of the strenuous, tumultuous lessons,
visions of love, and trust, rolling in the dust.
Is it not too much to ask for something that is non reminiscent of love?
Last night, i had a dream of my father, through muffled whispers,
I told him..You hurt us, you deserted us, and now I am perpetually nervous,
anxious,
hyper sensitive,
wondering,
does this man love me so?
Will he too go?
Will we never ever get to grow?
Will i never ever know, is the fault mine,
or is he the very foe?
And he too,
and not to forget him from last year?
How long?
Before I call them all a villain, perhaps the villain lies within myself,
my own hell,
the world that i created through my father, i said to myself,
if he loveth me not, then why should any other of his kind not leave me to rot?

Fathers cot.

Cindy Anneh-bu

Blue day..

  
It has been a blue day, so I set my cup of tea calmly beside the window pane and watch the rain drops trickle in slow motion. I wish that they could stall time, and they truly do make the days go by, slower, so that I do not even realise when the grey sky fades to black. And I am still sat Infront of the window in my worn woolly slippers and my sea blue night gown. Now I trace shapes among the misty windows and every now and then breathe hard so that I may start again. I hate mistakes. And I have made my fair share that I ponder on days like these. When nothing makes sense anymore. Not even looking back, because I have come so far, and looking to the past is no longer an indication of how large, a spirit I possess. Nevertheless, I cannot look forward because the future looks as bleak as my tea. Still untouched since half past three, July the fifteenth. Now it sits with moulds of brown and greens. Just like the leaves in my garden of eve. I turn my head slightly, hoping that something will lift my spirits and shift me out of my misery. The moon is full and a fly whispers something into my ear. ‘Do not do it dear’ do not give up again this year. You’ve so many lessons to collect, among your tears’. 
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E – cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk
© 2016

All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

I do not want to be the woman..

  
I do not want to be the woman that you love, and leave. Sex is more than an instrument to me. It is a testimony to the divinity that lies between me, and I do not wish for my sacredness to be defiled by boyish charm, and wit. 

I am not protective of many things, as I believe in freedom, and expression, but I guard my sacred temple till I am weak at the knees, because this is my only treasure, the only home that I have known.

And I care so little for your good looks. I have seen men finer, from time, to time. Neither, did they deserve the worth that I preserve, haven’t you heard?

I am the primal woman, of the first, to give birth to this earth, and that is every reason to reserve myself. 

I know the difference, I do, between a man who seeks a home between my legs, and one whom seeks vacation. 

– Cinderella Anneh-bu

Photo credits – – Becca Fitzpatrick | Hush, Hush

Internal bleeding..

  

Lately, my mind has been racing with so many things.

Who am I?

Who am I to become?

Was I always this deep?

What is the meaning of all of this?

Is this even real life?

Why am I stuck inside of my own mind all of the time?

Why do I care so much about societal injustice?

Why do I care so much about men, and women, and the things that they do?

Why do I have so many emotions, and why are they so intense?

Why is my nervous system so, nervous?

Why am I so nervous?

Why am I so anxious?

What’s going to happen in the future?

Who will stand the test of time with me?

And I don’t know any of the answers to any of these questions, and I cannot even begin to know.

I have been spending so much time alone lately, for the past few months actually, and it has been most strange. Sort of like living in limbo. I have received many spiritual insights since then, which have helped me broaden my views, and my knowledge of things.. But I have also dug so deeply into the human psyche, that I think that I am abnormal now.

None of the people around me understand me, or what goes on in my mind. I try to explain it to them, and for the most part they are sympathetic, but when I look deeply into their eyes, or listen to the uncertainty in their voice, I know that they do not truly, or fully understand me.

And can I blame them?

I mean what the hell is even going on with me..

I know I’m weird, and I push everyone away, and I prefer to be in this strange little cocoon by myself, doing strange things, but hey.. I am still a human, and I need human things.

The whole world forgot I still exist.
Now, I am off to do some more strange things..

Not even fear do us part.

  
Some may have said that he was weak. But to me, there was nothing weak about him. 

They didn’t get to witness what I witnessed.  what it meant to have an inner world of such confusion, such illusion, yet accurate intrusions of a divine channel. There is nothing weak about the man who stores the divine feminine so closely to his heart, that he shares in her intuitive gifts.

Some may say that I am foolish. I have seen women fail to escape my same fate. Pining over a man who was never to return, who was never to show even a glimpse of reciprocity. But as much as there is no malice in you, there is no stupidity in me. And I do not believe that you hurt me because you are a man callous with a woman’s emotions, because dear love, you know woman like no orher. I say that you are afraid. Like a child too timid to come out to play.. Why, you spend your time pining over possibilities of what makes you weak at the knees, and the many ways that love may make you taste tragedy.

So, I do not stay because I am like the other women. I refuse to leave you because of divine scripture, because of divine duty. Because I know, that you were informed so long ago, that you were not lovable. Because I know, the bitter resent of parental neglect, and a stern west African father, who lends his affections to the work place, and never ever enough grace to leave some in the home. sweet love, I know.. You think I don’t?

Let me love you all the way through to your soul. When you leave, as you do, when you do, I will not leave. I will teach you that you are lovable. This is my divine right. Be it, or be it not honourable.

© 2015
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.