Childhood – Emotional/psychological abuse, and the effects that it leaves.

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Alot of people find emotional abuse, and psychological abuse, difficult to digest, or hard to diagnose. This is because, unlike physical abuse, there is no outward manifestation, or symptoms that can be directly traced back to a cause.

Because of this, sadly, so many children go from school to home, from home, to school, keeping within them the burdensome secret, of the double life, and the trauma that they must regularly endure.

This type  of abuse is so subtle, and insidious, that it is possible that even the child in question, does not realise that they are being abused, or harmed. They may simply perceive that they have a strict, parent, or parents, and therefore internalise the abuse to be a result of something that they are doing, and that they have done.

The internalisation of this blame is incredibly dangerous, because it can off-set a cycle of the child learning to blame themselves for abuse, (that is usually perpetuated later in life), and also to constantly try to modify their behaviours, and their impulses in order not to receive any further abuse.

‘One study has suggested that victims of childhood physical abuse have a 40% chance of being diagnosed with major depressive disorder at some stage in their life and a 30% chance of being diagnosed with a disruptive behaviour disorder’.

Have you ever graced the presence of somebody who almost shrinks into themselves. Who holds a posture, a position, and a meek voice, that screams of self consciousness, and hyper vigilance. Well, this was me. And this is also the individual who is very careful, about their movements, and about their words, because they have been taught that to put a wrong foot out of place, or to cause yourself to become ‘too noticed’, ‘too enlarged’, offers them the risk of being re-abused.

This individual may go through their entire life feeling as if they have to walk in the shadows, or manipulate their behaviours in order to appear as less of a threat.

In my observation, i have witnessed there to be two separate manifestations of somebody who suffers from emotional/psychological abuse, or some type of abandonment/neglect/rejection, earlier on in childhood.

Despite what new-ageism, and alternative lifestyles preach, every child does need to be grow, and be nurtured under the guidance of a strong, secure, consistent, and stable/balanced house hold. It is very important for children to have access to a blend of both masculine, and feminine energies, as the feminine energy, (typically, but not always the mother), enriches them with love, comfort, and forgiveness, whilst the masculine energy, (typically, but not always the father), instils order, protection, safety, and strength within them.

This does not have to exist as a part of a nuclear family dynamic, with one, mother and one father, if this type of set up is inaccessible, for a variety of reasons. This could be alternated, with the presence of extended family members, or even care givers, standing in to fulfil these roles.

In Africa, there is a congregation of an extended family, wherein aunties, uncles, parents, and grandparents are likely to share one compound, and raise children as a community, within a tight, supported, and watchful network.

This by far, has to be one of my favourite methods of up-bringing. Although this can not be so easily maintained as a part of western living, ideally, it is a beautiful practice, regardless. It also goes to show that the development of each individual is not only reflective of their community, but also reflective of their level of involvement within the individual’s life.

Can we blame ‘bad’ people, for being ‘bad’ people?

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There is an association between childhood abuse and the risk of suicidal behaviour. One study found that a history of physical abuse increases the odds of attempting suicide by almost 5 times, while a history of emotional abuse may increase the odds of a suicide attempt by more than 12 times

And if so, must we not condemn their entire community, and the parents whom raised them?

I believe in redemption, to a certain extent. After all, many of the most viscous, unpleasant, and sociopathic people that i have met throughout the course of my life, have all appeared to have suffered some sort of core wounding in childhood. A wound that only seemed to grow overtime, and manifest as their shadow self, blocking them from their own light.

It is the subconscious, and the unconscious that rules their actions, their lack of empathy, that also remains buried below the consciousness. Empathy opens the door way for emotional openness, and vulnerability. It is likely that many of these people have had to intensely suppress, and deny their empathy, in order to cope with their level of trauma, or abuse more effectively.

Let’s say, for instance, there is a young man who is regularly physically, and verbally abused by his father over a recurring period of time. Even if this young man is initially highly sensitive, and possesses an innocent, and a naive approach to life, sooner or later, in order to protect himself, his subconscious mind will ask him to numb himself. Numb himself to the insults that he receives, and numb himself from the expectancy of consistent love, empathy, or remorse from his father.

Thus, he begins to operate in a fashion that is void of emotional expression. This is a survival technique. This would only be further emphasised, if the young man’s father also insisted that the boy expressing any grief over his treatment, may be acting in a way that is out of accordance with what it means to be a man – therefore, what it means to be acceptable.

Similarly, a young woman who is subject to an emotionally distant, cold, or unavailable father, may find herself feeling isolated, and ‘faulty’, from this lack of male approval, and attention, and may therefore grow to become overly dependent, and reliant upon male attention, an attempt by her subconscious mind to make peace with her earlier experiences. As a result of this, she is likely to find herself in a string of failed relationships, laced with co-dependency, and men who sense her desperation, and happily exploit its position.

Symptoms of somebody who has been affected by childhood abuse in adulthood.

  • Extremely withdrawn, appearing overly shy, introverted, or distracted, engaging in careless day dream.
  • An inability to concentrate for long periods of time, poor memory and directive skills, (this is because parts of the brain literally shrink, failed to develop coherently, and experience severe confusion).
  • ADHD – or a similar manifest behavioural affliction that causes one to outwardly seek attention, and recognition – even if this is negative attention.
  • Overly aggressive – failing to access rationalisation, or impulse control.
  • Difficulty with closeness, intimacy, perhaps pertaining to sexual intimacy, (erotophobia) or a string of promiscuous/unfaithful relations.
  • Compulsive lying, multi personality disorder, a desire for one to seem more flamboyant, and achieved than they truly are, (in order to compensate for intense feelings of inferiority).
  • Hypersensitivity to criticism (either because of a lack of belief in self already existing, or manifesting from a place of requiring consistent praise, to appease the false ego),
  • An inability to allow others enough access into ones internal world, reluctance to open up to others emotionally, desire to separate from emotionally demanding situations, lack of commitment to anything that requires lengthy work.

 

 

I highly recommend that anybody who recognises these traits within themselves, or identifies with my article in some way, seek some sort of professional advice, and help as soon as possible. If you are unsure about what methods are available to you, then i would be happy to assist you with that.

To discuss any empath topics with me during a one on one reading, email me via cindyanneh-bu@hotmail.co.uk to enquire about my prices and services.

 

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And in the end, it is all about surrender. 

“And in the end, it is all about surrender, complete, entire surrender. The throwing away of the ego, and the embracing of pain. It is only through suffering that you surrender yourself to the divine. That you say, I am not greater than your will, and I am not above human emotions, nor experience.It is always the ego that fights pain, and that claims to be non deserving of this pain. The ego wishes to protect its identity, and the perceptions that it has built for itself in order to feel loved, and protected. The soul knows that it is always loved, and protected, by those most divine energies, and the most divine light.

Once again, the ego seeks constant confirmation. The soul knows all, and needs to seek none. The ego needs facts and assurance to confirm that it is not lonely, unloved, and unprotected. Ofcourse in thinking this, the ego is created upon the basis of fear, and desperation.

Surrender to the feeling of, ‘not being good enough’. If you are not good enough, then so be it. No, I have not lost my marbles. But if you struggle against anything, you only draw more negative attention to it. If you are not ‘good enough’, so what? Somebody still loves you. Many will still be entertained, and amazed by you. So define, ‘not good enough’.

Your perception is only a mere fragment of a truth. The ultimate truth, that which does not exist, because everybody’s truth is based upon their own perception, and life experiences, so who determines this ultimate truth? The collective? Well, the collective have failed to come forward and take lie detector tests. Most of what you know of the, ‘collective perception’, is an attempt by individuals to fit in, to be apart of something..
This in itself is illusionary.
Many of those individuals within the collective, will be more than willing to stray from the collective stream of thought, should such a life circumstance call for it, such as love, or death.

For instance, if a collective society hold the belief that women, let’s say, from, ‘America’, are untamed, and therefore, undesirable.
An individual from this collective may well, wish to maintain this belief, and abide by it, in order to appease that society, but may find themselves somewhere along the line, madly in love with an American woman, therefore his ‘illusion’, of belonging to this collective thought stream is shattered.
And his heart begins to lead the way, alienating his ego, and the egoic beliefs.

If you feel alone, then too, surrender to that emotion. Do not fight it by wishing that you were in the presence of others, because then you will always seek for something outside of yourself to fulfil you. Think about the amount of numbers you have in your phone, those who try to reach out to you, from time to time, those whom you have shared beautiful memories with.
Were you then too, alone?
For aloneness like all things is only momentary, temporary, a figment of the mind,
A crime.. If you ask me.”

Cinderella Anneh-bu (via spiritualpoet)
© 2015
All works published on this site are under strict ownership of the owner, and any re-destribution is strictly prohibited without permission, and necessary credits.

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Spiritual, mental, and emotional healing – re-integration.

  
For a lot of us who consider ourselves lone wolves, star seeds, light workers, and empaths, one of our greatest concerns is the time that we require to be alone, and how this may sometimes spill over into loneliness.

Now, loneliness, and time spent alone are two very different, and separate things. Whilst alone time is advised, and in pretty frequent numbers for this highly sensitive group, loneliness can stem from an apparent fear of the outside world, in attempts to shield, and protect ones self from harrowing experiences.

However, the problem is, where ever we are feeling compelled to shield, and protect ourselves from anything, we are doing so out of fear. We cannot hope to protect ourselves from outside energies, or external experiences, by barricading ourselves away, no matter how much trauma we have endured at the hands of others.

Building strong community networks, and support systems is imperative in living a joyous, and fulfilled life. 

Yes, even for the ‘lone wolves’. 

Whilst lone wolves may function mentally, and even spiritually better alone, their emotional development is still dependent on their ability to build, and maintain healthy connections.

This may not come as easily to a soul who is extremely introverted, shy in nature, or even timid, and uncertain, but with appropriate patience, compassion, and guidance, even the most sensitive of souls can thrive in the outside world.

Though we are overstimulated far more easily than the average person, we are also blessed with the ability to see the world in vivid, and unique imagery. The more of the world that we see, the more of the world that we may heal, that we may influence, so it is highly important for us to become active, and involved members of our community.

Familiar re-integration.

Familiar re-integration refers to the existing bonds that we have with our families, and what this dictates about the emotional states we hold with ourselves. In many ways, your soul vibration, is tied into the vibration of your earth family’s. Whilst healers may be born into families with heavy karmic debt, and trauma induced experiences, the transmutation of these energies by you, (the empathic old soul-ed healer), will be exactly what is necessary to pull these family members out of their ‘dark ages’.

This does not mean that family members will not still exhibit dark triad behaviours, and function from old patterned programming, but it means situations, communication, and understanding, between you and them, should improve. This is how you will be aware that you are on the right path, and you are successfully clearing karma, and healing ancient old wounds.

Different empaths are set different tasks when they are gifted to the souls of their parents, and families. Some of them, are to correct emotional wrongs, these will be the old soul-ed, hyper sensitive beings who carry a great deal of feminine energy.

 The mark for their success in energy transformation, and alchemy, will be apparent in a new found lightness becoming noticeable in their family members, or a growing desire amongst them, for better self expression, and communication.

Platonic re-integration.

Platonic re-integration refers to the bonds, and the relationships that the healer may construct with their soul (group)/families, or souls whom resonate. It is very likely that prior to shamanic initiation, (the process of intense self discovery, and spiritual attune-ment), the healer belonged to a group of friends that were parallel to their dormant state, and egotistical level of consciousness.

  
Upon awakening, or rather, ‘re-awakening’, the healer must then find what is called their, ‘soul family’, a group, or collective of individuals with whom they harbour the shared task of raising the collective vibrations, and leaving an imprint upon society.

This may seem like a daunting task, and the healer may not initially know where to start, but naturally, and almost intuitively, once they allow themselves to be abailable, they will be drawn, simulataneously toward the paths of one another.

Good places to start looking, or rather opening up to, for the healer include, charity organisations, (everybody there already has the shared intention of helping others, and making a difference – many of them are bound to be, ‘called’), poetry/spoken word events, (souls who gather together to be moved by art are almost certainly finely connected to the ways of the universe), yoga/meditation classes, (this one goes without saying really. The ancient practice of such arts, just screams, spiritual resonance)!
© 2015
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